Always Working

I hope that I'm not as big of a complainer as I'm starting to fear that I am. A lot of the time I will catch myself starting to complain about something that I shouldn't be complaining about (for example: work, classwork...yeah- that's the majority of what I complain about) and I try to look at the positive side of things. Like, wow, I am so blessed to have a job, period. Sure, I get headaches, and I will probably be deaf by the time I am 26, but at least I am working with kids. Every blue moon I feel like I am making a difference, while the rest of the time I feel like an underpaid, neglected babysitter. I start to wonder if it's just the Y that bites, but then I hear a parent say how appreciative of the staff and of the Y they are and it keeps me there another couple of weeks. I should be so grateful that I have a job because there are so many people who want jobs that can not get them. And regarding schoolwork, hey, I chose to put myself through this seemingly neverending pile of papers and books. I guess I just wish that I had a month off before having to write more papers with my online class quickly approaching. But no. I am paying an arm, a leg and my left kidney in order to "learn" about kids. I really don't feel like I need to know much more than what I've already learned with working with them. They are loud, rude, spoiled, sassy, stubborn --(*complaining alert!*)-- little things that need so much work. I guess I fear that if I don't like kids like I say I do/thought I did, then what will I do with my life? It scares the crap out of me to think that what I thought I loved, I really don't, cause I'm terrible with dealing with them. What am I good at? Hmmm...yeah...this is where I get scared. I have a B.A. (well, almost) in Biblical Studies





and since I don't want to be a teacher anymore, and I'm not going to be a pastor...I'm feeling like it was kind of a dumb choice to spend 3 years of my life spending incredible amounts of money just to make minimum wage at the Y. I could've done that right out of high school and not been in debt.
So, worries ensue. And I do know that worrying is not trusting God, and that complaining is not being content with what God has blessed me with, but these are the things that start going through my mind.
I've only been out of college for a week, and already I'm feeling the monotony of the adult working world. The work-week/ weekend ratio is out of balance. Why do we have 5 days of work and only 2 days of doing things we like to do? It should at least be 4 days of work and 3 days of fun. What's up with this system? We work to earn money so that we can spend the money to work so that we can earn the money to maybe go somewhere for a day and not think about work. It's a neverending cycle with very little fun. I guess the idea is to have a job where it doesn't feel like work. Where you look forward to getting back to work on Monday after a weekend of relaxing. I have yet to talk to someone who feels this way, but I'm told and I have a feeling those people are out there.
It would have been nice to have a week or two off after I graduated in order to finish up my D.S. course, to write thank-you notes for my graduation gifts, to learn how to use my extremely complex camera, maybe go camping or take a trip to one of the thousands of places I would like to visit. But no, I must work. I must be a responsible adult and pay the bills. I don't get to take a roadtrip cross-country, go to Vegas, or go to Italy or England or anywhere like that. And yes, I am a tad jealous of those college grads who get a butt-load of money and don't have a job and get to go spend their money in irresponsible ways. But I feel like that's not reality.
Money makes me sick sometimes. How people work their whole lives to get it, and no matter how much we have, we always want more. More stuff. More fun. More booze. More games. Life is about so much more!!! And I feel like it is SO easy to slip into the money-making life trap. I fear I am falling into that trap. I don't want my life to be like everyone else's life of simply making money to do stuff. I want my career to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. I want to share the gospel with people after I have established a caring relationship with them. I feel like that is the only reason for living, why we are still here on this earth. Only Jesus. I want Him to be all I'm living for. I don't want to care for money!! I want to care for and about people. AHHH so frustrating. How do I get there?! How do I do that?! What about my student loans?! GRRRRR
Anyway, I really don't want to complain. I want to look at what I do have, and while I wish how things are didn't frustrate me a lot, they do. :(