I got caught "cheating". I feel like I have lost all credibility as a Christian, as an older sister, as a daughter, granddaughter, friend. I feel lower than the scum of the earth. I honestly am so remorseful and ashamed. I have let so many people down and destroyed my integrity all because I wanted to be able to pass Hebrew to be able to continue in my major to graduate with my B.A. in Christian Education and Youth Ministry. But now, I don't even know why. Let alone I may not be able to. Worst case scenarios are usually thought of in these kinds of times and here's what I've come up with: I will be expelled from Master's- meaning I will never be able to return, and I will get a full time job at the Boys and Girl's club making $10 an hour (which is probably what I will be making even with a degree...) so that aspect wouldn't be all that bad except for the reputation of being a cheater and having little to no integrity with a bunch of people here at Master's. It would suck, but really, it will not be the end of the world. The part that I don't know how would work is would they let me continue in the rest of my classes for the semester? Will they make me move off campus immediately? I guess if that happens Monday then I can move my stuff into our apartment and just live there, working full time most likely at the Boys and Girls club. So the worst case scenario is not completely terrible. It definitely could be worse. I could have to move back into my mom's, packing all my stuff up and having to drive 400 miles and being so ashamed, embarrased and a dissapointment to my non-believing family. But we have the apartment starting this Saturday and my verdict is determined on Monday.
Here's the scoop of what happened: We took Hebrew exam #2 on Monday. I have an incredibly difficult time translating Hebrew- mostly because I have not put as much effort as I need to in memorizing vocabulary. And the exam is 80% translating. So what I did was figure out a few words and realize what passage in Genesis we were translating and from memory I wrote out the passage. I of course was way off. We then get handed back the exams on Wednesday (yesterday) to go over what we missed and correct the translations ourselves. I had some things right, but others were just fluff that I had inclueded and so I erased those fluff things and left the core (the right answers) which I mostly had with some corrections in red ink. To my dismay, and what I didn't realize was that they had copied the exam before handing them back to us to correct on Wednesday. So I got a call this afternoon at about 1:45pm from the Bible Department Secretary, Jenny Allen. She asks me on behalf of Dr. Boyd to come down to the office as soon as possible. So I go right then. I had a feeling that I was going to be called on something on the exam, but I wasn't completely sure what. I knew that I should've just crossed out what I'd had in red and corrected everything in red, but I hadn't done that on the first exam and everything seemed to be fine, so I wasn't sure what I was needing to be talked to about. I go into Dr. Boyd's office, he tells me to take a seat, and asks me immediately "Is there anything you want to tell me about this exam?" I told him that actually, when he was reviewing the translation he was correcting it very fast and it was incredibly difficult for me to make appropriate corrections. But he said that that wasn't what he was talking about. He said, "did you realize that we Xerox the exams before handing them back to you to correct?" I said no. He said "because there is a considerable amount of changed answers on your exam." (Me: Gulp/crap/oh no.) At the same time, I was still in the mindframe that this wasn't wrong/cheating. I had done similar corrections on the first exam and I wasn't told that I was wrong in doing that, and honestly I didn't think it was wrong. I thought that is why he didn't correct me the first time/ point out to me that that was not right and I couldn't do that. He tells me that he was giving me the "benefit of the doubt" but that does not help me! If I do something wrong, I need to know so that I don't do it again. So he said that he would have to write up a report on me cheating (even though I really wasn't) and that I would have to figure out a time to meet with Dr. Halstead (the department chair and my advisor) and him. So I sobbingly ask Jenny for Dr. Halstead's schedule (not quite sure why I did that because he posts his available times on his office door) and so I went to his door and the first available time he had was 4:30pm. So I turn to Dr. Boyd who was in the hall and I ask him if that time would be alright. He doesn't give me an exact answer but says, ummm, yeah, that might work. So I signed my name and left. Dr. Boyd was knocking on my Theology prof's door with what looked like my exam in his hand, and when Thorsell opened his door and gave Boyd a warm welcome, Boyd didn't say a word and just walked in and closed the door behind him. Maybe I was just paranoid at that point, but I thought that Boyd was going to be telling all my professors that I am a cheater and to watch out for me.
Anyway-
Today is Wednesday and the meeting Monday went amazingly well, I explained the situation to Halstead, and down-to-earth guy that he is, let me off of the hook almost completely. He knew that I'd learned my lesson, and he prayed afterward and thanked God for wiping the slate clean. He even told Boyd that he needed to give me some credit for my exam.
I was ecstatic. I hardly ever get shown mercy/ grace, but I definitely was in this situation and I am so thankful to God for softening Halstead's heart (and sorta Boyd's too) and I am so grateful for all of the people that were praying for me. It's still up in the air if I will be passing Hebrew, but at least this way I can give it my best shot for the rest of the semester and have a clean record, and hopefully be graduating in a year. This incident has definitely made me trust in God more for his provisions and his plan. I was scared the whole weekend, with lots of crying- (yeah, my birthday weekend and Easter weekend) but Amanda kept telling me that it would be alright, and as usual, she was right.
Praise God!!!
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