saddened

Today's chapel was many things, but first and foremost, it was heartbreaking. The speaker, Doug Nichols, the Director of Action International Ministries gave us dozens of statistics about the numbers of children that die everyday due to various reasons, and the numbers of children sold into slavery, prostitution, trafficking, and numbers of street-kids, orphans, etc. that are in the world today. He gave us other heartwrenching stats on the number of people that die from AIDS, starvation, neglect, disease, etc. every month and then annually. I sat there, tears welling up in my eyes as he continued to speak of the desparate need the world is in for food, clothes, but most of all care, hope, love, compassion and Jesus. I just sat there, feeling so helpless, so depressed that the world is like this, and here I sit, going to a $28,000/year college learning such trivial things as Hebrew and New Testament. I really felt like I was wasting the time and energy and salvation that God has given me by going to college and doing nothing for the world.
He had told a story about how a country in Africa, I think it was Malawi, was hosting a children's daycamp where the kids would be fed 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, had Bible teaching, an outfit to wear, etc. and so the director of the camp went around to all of these different tribal chiefs telling them that they could send 30 or so from their tribe to the camp. On the first day of the camp, over 5,000 kids showed up, some hiking there for 3 days to be able to be taken care of, have security and food, and over 4,000 had to be turned away because the camp only had enough funding for 600 kids. So sad. But what is even more sad is that the cost for a kid to be able to attend the camp for a week is only $4. FOUR DOLLARS! Here in America, a cup of coffee at Starbucks costs more than that. It just made me think, how blind we are, sometimes intentionally, to the needs of people throughout the world that have so much less than us. My tuition money could have put 7,000 kids through that daycamp for a week.
My next reaction was that I became angry. Angry that so many Christians today hear this type of message and just continue to sit on their butts. I felt sick that I am most likely one of those Christians. My heart breaks, and I have so much compassion for the world that God's heart breaks over, that I want to get out there and do something about it, and yet, I have to go to a Hebrew class and sit and absorb more useless knowledge. And then after I graduate from college, I have to get a job that barely pays the bills so that I can sit on my butt some more and still not be doing anything. It just seems like an endless cycle of a pointless, arbitrary life. And I hate it. When the sermon/ speech/ statistic/guilt-fest session was over, I was outraged when one of my friends sitting with us said "that was good." Honestly, I wanted to slap her. My response was -Really? that was uplifting and all happy fluffies for you? Are you going to actually do something about what you just heard? No, you won't. You'll forget about it by tonight and carry on like you'd never heard it, adding it to a "that was a good sermon" list. I could see a comment like "wow, that was powerful, moving, convicting, intense- ANY ADJECTIVE but "good."!!! So, anger turned to furiousness, and then it turned to despair and depression again, wondering- what can I do? Here I am, a Christian in Southern California, with thousands of dollars in student loans to go to college and only a couple of hundred dollars in my bank account that has to last me several more months. I talked to my roommate about it on the way to class, and she reminded me that I can only do what God has given me to do. God has placed me here as a student for a reason and a purpose at this point in time and I need to be content/satisfied and thankful for that. I shouldn't be cursing the fact that I'm a college student, I should be greatful for it. The message didn't really give much application for us individually, as college students, now. In regards to my money situation and not being able to give much, if any at all right now- Amanda reassured me that God knows my situation and He's not going to hold it against me if I have a bit of money for the next few months. I don't have a source of income and so I am being as good of a steward with my money as I can right now.
I am glad I am in the major I am in. I think it is so important to reach out to kids while they are young and bring them up in the Lord. Maybe one day I will get the chance to go to Africa, or a country that so desparately needs love and compassion for its people, that needs food and clean water, that so desparately needs Jesus. Until then, prayer is so important and I can do that. :)