and school drags on

Blogging is something that I wish I did more often, but just like any other extracurricular activity, (journaling, facebooking, talking on the phone) I feel guilty when I am doing it instead of studying/reading/doing homework. It's even hard for me to not feel like I wasted time when I work out. Pathetic, I know, and honestly, I am so so so over school right now. It's not fun at all. The times that I do learn something does not outweigh the extremely monotonous, everyday busy work and forcing myself to sit down and do my homework. Sure, I know that these are the crunch days.(And are supposed to be the days that I cling to every glorious moment of being in college and not having to work my tail off at a job...But to me, they aren't.)I'm more than half way through my last semester of college and all I can think about is how I don't want to be doing homework after a long day of classes/chapel, but how I'd rather be watching a movie, reading a book for enjoyment, talking to a friend on the phone, writing a letter to my grandma, taking a walk in the beautiful sunny Southern California evening- the list could go on and on. Even Spring Break, starting after my Ethics class tomorrow isn't something I'm looking forward to because I know I need to be doing homework/papers/reading/reading responses/journals/presentation work/ and Directive Study classes the entire break. I am telling myself that maybe one or two days need to be relax days, but how would I not feel guilty with the load left to do?! I guess this blog is to remind me of the extreme difficulty of school, once I've graduated and am looking back all nostalgically on it. This is not fun!! Maybe it'd be more fun if I had friends- any friends at all that I went to school with and was struggling alongside, but I don't. Just like so many other times in my life, I am a loner. Do I bring that upon myself? Maybe. Probably. I was invited once this semester to go and study with a guy in my OT class, but I turned him down. (Granted, he has a girlfriend he is totally in love with and I started to feel like I was hanging out with him too much(getting too attatched), so my thought was to distance myself a bit)(Right decision? I dunno.) But going to school and living alone is hard. Sure, I have a great roomie- if I ever see her. I start to think about what life could be like after I graduate- work a 8 or 9 hour day, come home tired, kick back, watch a movie and fall asleep, just to wake up and do it again. I see myself living a sad, lonely life of solitude and I know this isn't what God intended for me. I have the desire to be married, but I don't even know any single guys. I guess I thought college would be a plethora of available, intelligent guys who love the Lord- and the hope was that ONE of those guys would notice/be interested in me. The only problem with this theory was that there weren't any that were or are interested in me- and it seems like 85% of the guys graduating this year did find a girl whom they were interested in. My hope/plan was obviously not in line with God's in that area.
Twenty pages of "Readings in Christian Ethics" along with 2 pages of responses await me, as does my English Literature Midterm Study Guide and most of the book of Isaiah. Where oh where will I find the motivation to keep going?! To persevere through the Senioritis that I am sickened with and that pile of books to read and papers to write?! I've turned to the Lord time and time again asking for HIS strength, and that's what's gotten me through thus far, but I'm physically drained and each day is the heavy task of continuing on. Trying hard to squint and see the light at the end of this tunnel that is so close, yet still seeming so far.