To remember in 9 days when I don't have a job

What makes some days so blah and nasty? Is it our own attitudes or is it the bad attitudes of the people around us? Maybe a bit of both. For some reason, ever since I announced to the teachers that I assist for 6 weeks ago that I was leaving my job, they have been so mean and nasty to me. I guess I expected them to be all the more nice to me during my last several weeks of employment, but apparently I was wrong. Shot myself in the foot with that one! I guess I should've just kept it a secret from my boss and my coworkers that I am moving away until it was only 2 weeks before the date. It must have been too much time for them to have been nice to me for my remaining time. I've had some bad days lately, and add today to that tally. During table time, we had a parent helper, and my replacement that I am "training". They both had things assigned to them, and I got the shaft. Aubree asked me if I'd like to do penmanship that she had set up at her table for her to do or to sit and "help" Kristyn show the kids how to draw a rocket. I chose the less imposing of the two options. I felt so unneeded, unwanted, and replaced. Then at 11:45, I went to go get the hot lunches (like I always do). Took me 5-10 minutes to get them all, and when I got back into the classroom, Kristyn had already set them out. I guess I didn't see her in the classroom's kitchen when I walked in to go to the big kitchen to get them. So I had to return the lunches. I was frustrated. (Then, while I was back in the kitchen, I ate a cookie, and I totally scraped my left canine tooth against the bottom tooth and made the top tooth all jagged and hurty). I helped set out the nap beds and then I just hung out in the Bear room with Amanda and Rachel. Nap time was fine, especially since I proved Tammy wrong that Kiana needs her back rubbed every day at nap in order to fall asleep. As Tammy was walking out for her lunch break, she said "Kiana's probably going to need her back rubbed". Ha. I don't rub backs. These are not babies, they are kids that are going to be going to Kindergarten in 6 months. Then this afternoon I was irritated by something else. Tammy left the room (just like the 10 other times today) and said, "if I'm not back by 3:30, just take them to the Smartboard by yourself." Wow, thanks jerk. Of course she was not back by 3:30. Before we exited the classroom to go down to the Smartboard, I asked the kids if anyone had to use the restroom. Josh says, "yes, I have to go poop!" So i have all of the kids sit back down because he was going to be taking a while, and as he pulls down his pants, the overwhelming stench of poop fills the air and sure enough, he pooped his pants. So now, I have to deal with all of the kids by myself AND change a poopy kid. Its moments like these that I will NOT miss. I called Tammy at the front and she was like, "ok, i'll come back to the room and help..." did she??? no. she did not. She lied. Because what she was doing at the front (talking with Krista??) was too important to leave and come back and help me with HER effing class. So it takes 15 minutes to get Josh changed and wiped up, and we finally get to the Smartboard. Tammy strolls in and starts turning on all of the kids computers. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE COMPUTERS!! Whatever. So over this day by this point. I'm getting treated like crap all because I'm leaving?! Or have I always been treated like this and I'm just now really sensitive to it because I am battling my own emotions about leaving a place that I have loved in the past, and the aspects of what I still do love about working with kids. I think just about everyday one kid or another tells me that they love me. I know that I will not get told that I'm loved everyday while I'm living at my dad's. I'm figuring I will be so much more alone than I am in my life right now.
Maybe not.
Maybe my dreams for my new life in NorCal will actually happen. Maybe I'll get plugged in to NorthCreek and their young adults group(s). Maybe I will find a place to volunteer some time. Maybe I will make friends at a new job. Maybe I will have a Sunday afternoon/evening game night and dinner with my mom, brother and sister in Martinez. Maybe I'll meet a guy that I'll want to hang out with all the time. Maybe I'll have my own place within the next 4ish years. Maybe I'll spend a lot of time focusing on my health and getting in better shape. Thinking about all of these things I feel like when I'm fantisizing, somehow each day becomes 5 times longer than it really is. I can really only wish for a job and making enough money to pay for my bills and to save some money so that I can get a place of my own. Outside of that, I don't feel right fantisizing.
Another thing that added to the sad emotions today was that last night I had to give up my Android Smartphone. It had like 40+ pictures on it that I wanted (including a video of Amanda on the snow day) and I wasn't able to transfer any of the pics/videos. I was depressed that I didn't have my cool phone with my pics on it, and I won't have a smartphone for another 2 weeks when I'll finally have my iPhone. I know, kind of a rediculous reason for being sad, but I get attached to my pictures!! I still battle the sadness from when I lost an entire memory card full of pictures because my laptop would not eject the card. When I finally pulled the card out, I lost everything.
Anywho. Enough complaining!
God is still and always has been good. I may not be able to see the plans he has for me, but He wants the best for me.

"Even when circumstances have been hard or the way unclear, God has still surrounded me with His love. God's love is just as real and just as powerful in the darkness as it is in the light. And that is why we can have HOPE!" -Billy Graham

eHarmony and moving

I subscribed for a year last January 30th to eHarmony. I wanted last year to be the year that I met somebody special. Didn't happen. So when I woke up on January 1st, 2011 to two matches that couldn't seem to wait to communicate with me, I was excited. I thought, wow, only a few hours into the new year and already I have a couple of promising matches! I actually started talking on the phone with a guy named Dale by that night. (Record speed- matched that morning, talking that night!) He seemed nice. He is a Christian, has a job and a car and is going to school for Criminology. Sure, he is 34 and living with his parents again, (which, hey, no judgment as I'm about to do the same thing) but he seemed friendly and enthusiastic. We had texted on the 2nd and 3rd, then yesterday I only got 2 or 3 texts from him. Today, none. I'm figuring he just changed his mind that I wasn't what he was looking for after all. :( But you know what, I'm okay with it. Really. I have a lot on my plate right now with having to quit my job and move back in with my dad up in NorCal. I am still holding out for the church in Walnut Creek (NorthCreek church)(about a half an hour away from my dad's house)where I used to go to college group. Not necessarily to meet "the one" there, but to get involved in a social encouraging group of people around my age.
Is it bad that I have absolutely no desire to set any New Years' Resolutions this year? I think I've set the goal of losing weight, just like the rest of America, for the past 5 years. And, just like a large amount of people, am good for a few weeks and then give up. Last year, around April-May I was going to the gym regularly and I lost 15 pounds. I really didn't want to, but I had to quit my membership due to having my hours at work cut and not being able to afford the membership. I had felt like I was becoming healthy, and gaining muscle and strength, and I loved it. I was feeling great about myself, I was fitting in clothes better and people noticed. And then it all went away, I gained the weight back, and clothes went back to being snug. Just like with my church aspirations, I have plans to use my dad's treadmill like crazy while living with him. It will help that my dad is getting back into a healthy lifestyle. He walks a 5k every morning and is eating better. I'm hoping to join in his efforts with him.
Gotta go apply to random places of business around my dad's house... wish me luck.

Trying to blog on my phone

I thought I'd give blogging another chance now that I have a smart phone with internet. I even downloaded the blogger app to make it even easier to post to my blog! I'm still getting the hang of using swype on my virtual keyboard.I think I like it, it'll just take some practice and getting used to just like any other technology. Here's to maybe keeping up with blogging in 2011. A new decade, one for keeping in better touch with friends than I have as of late.

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west virginia

I can't believe the last time I blogged was in May. I can't blog too much right now, but I am in West Virginia!! My grandma and I have been to Niagara Falls, NY and to Spruce Knob, the highest point in WV among keeping busy with so many other activities! We're about to head off to one of my grandma's favorite pastimes, the library, so I'll have to update more later.

summer's almost here

Yes, summer is almost here and with it comes many mixed emotions for me this year. Pretty much I don't have a job, which is no good when it comes to saving money for my upcoming adventure to West Virginia. I will be living in my best friend and her husband's loft of their apartment with my cat. I have to figure out what I will do after quitting my job in the fall and then moving to WV and then moving to NorCal where I will need to work to make money to live. Oh the drama.
Today I bought two really cute swimming suits, and I was excited to try them on when I got home from work. That was a let down, to say the least! I forgot that I do not have anything close to a swimsuit body, never have, and probably never will, and so now I'm all bummed out that these cute suits have to be returned. :( Guess I'm sticking to my frumpy Speedo's when I go to Vegas in July.
I'm apparently meeting Jameson this Friday. I have mixed emotions with that whole ordeal as well. He got my hopes up last week and then had to cancel/reschedule for this Friday. I am just not sure if it'll work. He has a really difficult job schedule for maintaining a relationship. But I won't shoot it down before I've even met the guy. I'll give him a chance. He's the one deciding if he wants to ask me out on a second date. (No pressure or anything for the first date.) If we do wind up dating, then there's another complication to the upcoming months. I mean, it'd be a great thing, don't get me wrong, it's just the timing sorta sucks!
I need sleep. This whole staying up late packing up my room and then getting up early and working a very strenuous job is really taking its toll on me. Tomorrow will be day 4, and it's gonna be a whopper. Lots of crappiness planned for tomorrow. Which now includes cutting Smokey's claws because I was too busy this evening to get to that chore.
zzzzzzpeaceout.zzzzz

saturdays and beer

Drinking a Fat Tire(courtesy of Veronica introducing this kind of beer to me on our trip to SLO), chillin in my room, trying to figure out how to phrase some things that I want to say to Jameson... like the fact that I don't want to email for 3 months before meeting. And yes, I am one that would tend to rush things, but I don't think meeting in person over emailing is rushing things. Maybe it's me being old-fashioned, but I don't think anything can replace getting to know someone in the flesh. I am not going to be dating or being with the way he can type an email. I can see emailing maybe for a month, tops. We've emailed for a week now, but he has not even mentioned at any point meeting me in person. He told me his long story of three different instances where he met a girl on eHarmony, drove like 300+miles away to meet her, and then, and I quote "It didn't pan out". So not really sure what that means...I'm going to ask him to elaborate a bit on that story because if 'it not panning out' means that they didn't want to do a long-distance relationship, then I don't have too much to worry about...at least for the next 3 months. That's what I'm thinking was the case, and i'm not sure why he had his distance boundary set for so far away... but maybe he thought that a long-distance relationship wouldn't be so much work. Even coming from someone who's never been in a relationship, I know from, well, others, and basic common sense that they take huge amounts of effort to keep communicating and planning trips to see them.

Anyway, I went this morning to the Castaic Lake Water Agency's open house. It was really neat. I got a bunch of free little things, and took the shuttle up the hill to the Conservation Landscaping Center. It had tons of plants that were very pretty that can be grown in our region that doesn't have much water. Lots of roses, and a bunch of other plants that I recognized. I took a bunch of pics, hopefully I'll upload them to my lappy soon, and I'll post some here. I also saw my old co-worker, Susan! It was nice seeing her and chatting for a couple of minutes.
Then I went to Wal-Mart and spent way too much money. I still have a bunch of things that i'd like to get done today, in addition to the email to Jameson, I want to set up Smokey's travel cage, transfer all of my DVD's into a compact case, and pack up all of my books. We shall see if all that will get done in the next 6ish hours.
Weekends go by WAYYYY toooooo fast!!!

Johnson's Baby Shampoo

It's crazy how smells can bring you back to a very specific time and place. I just walked into the bathroom, and because Allyn has to use baby shampoo for his newly hair-transplanted head, the bathroom had the sweet aroma of Johnson's baby shampoo. The original, tear-free, transparent yellow liquid. Immediately, I returned to camping in Tijuana, Mexico, while on my second mission trip there, taking bucket showers and lathering up and scrubbing away with this shampoo. Classic.