Anderson Activities

To remember in 9 days when I don't have a job

2011-01-26T19:06:00.000-08:00

What makes some days so blah and nasty? Is it our own attitudes or is it the bad attitudes of the people around us? Maybe a bit of both. For some reason, ever since I announced to the teachers that I assist for 6 weeks ago that I was leaving my job, they have been so mean and nasty to me. I guess I expected them to be all the more nice to me during my last several weeks of employment, but apparently I was wrong. Shot myself in the foot with that one! I guess I should've just kept it a secret from my boss and my coworkers that I am moving away until it was only 2 weeks before the date. It must have been too much time for them to have been nice to me for my remaining time. I've had some bad days lately, and add today to that tally. During table time, we had a parent helper, and my replacement that I am "training". They both had things assigned to them, and I got the shaft. Aubree asked me if I'd like to do penmanship that she had set up at her table for her to do or to sit and "help" Kristyn show the kids how to draw a rocket. I chose the less imposing of the two options. I felt so unneeded, unwanted, and replaced. Then at 11:45, I went to go get the hot lunches (like I always do). Took me 5-10 minutes to get them all, and when I got back into the classroom, Kristyn had already set them out. I guess I didn't see her in the classroom's kitchen when I walked in to go to the big kitchen to get them. So I had to return the lunches. I was frustrated. (Then, while I was back in the kitchen, I ate a cookie, and I totally scraped my left canine tooth against the bottom tooth and made the top tooth all jagged and hurty). I helped set out the nap beds and then I just hung out in the Bear room with Amanda and Rachel. Nap time was fine, especially since I proved Tammy wrong that Kiana needs her back rubbed every day at nap in order to fall asleep. As Tammy was walking out for her lunch break, she said "Kiana's probably going to need her back rubbed". Ha. I don't rub backs. These are not babies, they are kids that are going to be going to Kindergarten in 6 months. Then this afternoon I was irritated by something else. Tammy left the room (just like the 10 other times today) and said, "if I'm not back by 3:30, just take them to the Smartboard by yourself." Wow, thanks jerk. Of course she was not back by 3:30. Before we exited the classroom to go down to the Smartboard, I asked the kids if anyone had to use the restroom. Josh says, "yes, I have to go poop!" So i have all of the kids sit back down because he was going to be taking a while, and as he pulls down his pants, the overwhelming stench of poop fills the air and sure enough, he pooped his pants. So now, I have to deal with all of the kids by myself AND change a poopy kid. Its moments like these that I will NOT miss. I called Tammy at the front and she was like, "ok, i'll come back to the room and help..." did she??? no. she did not. She lied. Because what she was doing at the front (talking with Krista??) was too important to leave and come back and help me with HER effing class. So it takes 15 minutes to get Josh changed and wiped up, and we finally get to the Smartboard. Tammy strolls in and starts turning on all of the kids computers. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE COMPUTERS!! Whatever. So over this day by this point. I'm getting treated like crap all because I'm leaving?! Or have I always been treated like this and I'm just now really sensitive to it because I am battling my own emotions about leaving a place that I have loved in the past, and the aspects of what I still do love about working with kids. I think just about everyday one kid or another tells me that they love me. I know that I will not get told that I'm loved everyday while I'm living at my dad's. I'm figuring I will be so much more alone than I am in my life right now.
Maybe not.
Maybe my dreams for my new life in NorCal will actually happen. Maybe I'll get plugged in to NorthCreek and their young adults group(s). Maybe I will find a place to volunteer some time. Maybe I will make friends at a new job. Maybe I will have a Sunday afternoon/evening game night and dinner with my mom, brother and sister in Martinez. Maybe I'll meet a guy that I'll want to hang out with all the time. Maybe I'll have my own place within the next 4ish years. Maybe I'll spend a lot of time focusing on my health and getting in better shape. Thinking about all of these things I feel like when I'm fantisizing, somehow each day becomes 5 times longer than it really is. I can really only wish for a job and making enough money to pay for my bills and to save some money so that I can get a place of my own. Outside of that, I don't feel right fantisizing.
Another thing that added to the sad emotions today was that last night I had to give up my Android Smartphone. It had like 40+ pictures on it that I wanted (including a video of Amanda on the snow day) and I wasn't able to transfer any of the pics/videos. I was depressed that I didn't have my cool phone with my pics on it, and I won't have a smartphone for another 2 weeks when I'll finally have my iPhone. I know, kind of a rediculous reason for being sad, but I get attached to my pictures!! I still battle the sadness from when I lost an entire memory card full of pictures because my laptop would not eject the card. When I finally pulled the card out, I lost everything.
Anywho. Enough complaining!
God is still and always has been good. I may not be able to see the plans he has for me, but He wants the best for me.

"Even when circumstances have been hard or the way unclear, God has still surrounded me with His love. God's love is just as real and just as powerful in the darkness as it is in the light. And that is why we can have HOPE!" -Billy Graham

eHarmony and moving

2011-01-05T21:15:00.000-08:00

I subscribed for a year last January 30th to eHarmony. I wanted last year to be the year that I met somebody special. Didn't happen. So when I woke up on January 1st, 2011 to two matches that couldn't seem to wait to communicate with me, I was excited. I thought, wow, only a few hours into the new year and already I have a couple of promising matches! I actually started talking on the phone with a guy named Dale by that night. (Record speed- matched that morning, talking that night!) He seemed nice. He is a Christian, has a job and a car and is going to school for Criminology. Sure, he is 34 and living with his parents again, (which, hey, no judgment as I'm about to do the same thing) but he seemed friendly and enthusiastic. We had texted on the 2nd and 3rd, then yesterday I only got 2 or 3 texts from him. Today, none. I'm figuring he just changed his mind that I wasn't what he was looking for after all. :( But you know what, I'm okay with it. Really. I have a lot on my plate right now with having to quit my job and move back in with my dad up in NorCal. I am still holding out for the church in Walnut Creek (NorthCreek church)(about a half an hour away from my dad's house)where I used to go to college group. Not necessarily to meet "the one" there, but to get involved in a social encouraging group of people around my age.
Is it bad that I have absolutely no desire to set any New Years' Resolutions this year? I think I've set the goal of losing weight, just like the rest of America, for the past 5 years. And, just like a large amount of people, am good for a few weeks and then give up. Last year, around April-May I was going to the gym regularly and I lost 15 pounds. I really didn't want to, but I had to quit my membership due to having my hours at work cut and not being able to afford the membership. I had felt like I was becoming healthy, and gaining muscle and strength, and I loved it. I was feeling great about myself, I was fitting in clothes better and people noticed. And then it all went away, I gained the weight back, and clothes went back to being snug. Just like with my church aspirations, I have plans to use my dad's treadmill like crazy while living with him. It will help that my dad is getting back into a healthy lifestyle. He walks a 5k every morning and is eating better. I'm hoping to join in his efforts with him.
Gotta go apply to random places of business around my dad's house... wish me luck.

Trying to blog on my phone

2010-12-29T23:48:00.001-08:00

I thought I'd give blogging another chance now that I have a smart phone with internet. I even downloaded the blogger app to make it even easier to post to my blog! I'm still getting the hang of using swype on my virtual keyboard.I think I like it, it'll just take some practice and getting used to just like any other technology. Here's to maybe keeping up with blogging in 2011. A new decade, one for keeping in better touch with friends than I have as of late.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

west virginia

2010-08-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the last time I blogged was in May. I can't blog too much right now, but I am in West Virginia!! My grandma and I have been to Niagara Falls, NY and to Spruce Knob, the highest point in WV among keeping busy with so many other activities! We're about to head off to one of my grandma's favorite pastimes, the library, so I'll have to update more later.

summer's almost here

2010-05-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, summer is almost here and with it comes many mixed emotions for me this year. Pretty much I don't have a job, which is no good when it comes to saving money for my upcoming adventure to West Virginia. I will be living in my best friend and her husband's loft of their apartment with my cat. I have to figure out what I will do after quitting my job in the fall and then moving to WV and then moving to NorCal where I will need to work to make money to live. Oh the drama.
Today I bought two really cute swimming suits, and I was excited to try them on when I got home from work. That was a let down, to say the least! I forgot that I do not have anything close to a swimsuit body, never have, and probably never will, and so now I'm all bummed out that these cute suits have to be returned. :( Guess I'm sticking to my frumpy Speedo's when I go to Vegas in July.
I'm apparently meeting Jameson this Friday. I have mixed emotions with that whole ordeal as well. He got my hopes up last week and then had to cancel/reschedule for this Friday. I am just not sure if it'll work. He has a really difficult job schedule for maintaining a relationship. But I won't shoot it down before I've even met the guy. I'll give him a chance. He's the one deciding if he wants to ask me out on a second date. (No pressure or anything for the first date.) If we do wind up dating, then there's another complication to the upcoming months. I mean, it'd be a great thing, don't get me wrong, it's just the timing sorta sucks!
I need sleep. This whole staying up late packing up my room and then getting up early and working a very strenuous job is really taking its toll on me. Tomorrow will be day 4, and it's gonna be a whopper. Lots of crappiness planned for tomorrow. Which now includes cutting Smokey's claws because I was too busy this evening to get to that chore.
zzzzzzpeaceout.zzzzz

saturdays and beer

2010-05-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

Drinking a Fat Tire(courtesy of Veronica introducing this kind of beer to me on our trip to SLO), chillin in my room, trying to figure out how to phrase some things that I want to say to Jameson... like the fact that I don't want to email for 3 months before meeting. And yes, I am one that would tend to rush things, but I don't think meeting in person over emailing is rushing things. Maybe it's me being old-fashioned, but I don't think anything can replace getting to know someone in the flesh. I am not going to be dating or being with the way he can type an email. I can see emailing maybe for a month, tops. We've emailed for a week now, but he has not even mentioned at any point meeting me in person. He told me his long story of three different instances where he met a girl on eHarmony, drove like 300+miles away to meet her, and then, and I quote "It didn't pan out". So not really sure what that means...I'm going to ask him to elaborate a bit on that story because if 'it not panning out' means that they didn't want to do a long-distance relationship, then I don't have too much to worry about...at least for the next 3 months. That's what I'm thinking was the case, and i'm not sure why he had his distance boundary set for so far away... but maybe he thought that a long-distance relationship wouldn't be so much work. Even coming from someone who's never been in a relationship, I know from, well, others, and basic common sense that they take huge amounts of effort to keep communicating and planning trips to see them.

Anyway, I went this morning to the Castaic Lake Water Agency's open house. It was really neat. I got a bunch of free little things, and took the shuttle up the hill to the Conservation Landscaping Center. It had tons of plants that were very pretty that can be grown in our region that doesn't have much water. Lots of roses, and a bunch of other plants that I recognized. I took a bunch of pics, hopefully I'll upload them to my lappy soon, and I'll post some here. I also saw my old co-worker, Susan! It was nice seeing her and chatting for a couple of minutes.
Then I went to Wal-Mart and spent way too much money. I still have a bunch of things that i'd like to get done today, in addition to the email to Jameson, I want to set up Smokey's travel cage, transfer all of my DVD's into a compact case, and pack up all of my books. We shall see if all that will get done in the next 6ish hours.
Weekends go by WAYYYY toooooo fast!!!

Johnson's Baby Shampoo

2010-05-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

It's crazy how smells can bring you back to a very specific time and place. I just walked into the bathroom, and because Allyn has to use baby shampoo for his newly hair-transplanted head, the bathroom had the sweet aroma of Johnson's baby shampoo. The original, tear-free, transparent yellow liquid. Immediately, I returned to camping in Tijuana, Mexico, while on my second mission trip there, taking bucket showers and lathering up and scrubbing away with this shampoo. Classic.

A boy

2010-05-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've been a subscriber to eHarmony since January of this year. After 3 and a half months of nothing but hopes being raised and then let down, a rollercoaster of emotions, I've met someone. His name is Jameson Cheung. He's 27, 5'11", lives in Walnut, CA, and works for AMTRAK. He seems like a really interesting and sweet man. He attends a Baptist Church, when his work schedule allows, and also goes to a young adults' group in Fullerton sometimes during the week. I am very excited that church is a big part of his life. Just found out today that he has been a Christian since 2002, a year less than I have. He loves going to the beach, and goes about once a month, and he also plays hockey. One of the best things about him though, is that he LOVES STITCH!! When I saw that on his facebook page, it practically sealed the deal, lol. I mean what 27 year old man loves Stitch?! The perfect man!! He has a dog, and enjoys watching movies a lot. He loves country music, and was born and lived in Knoxville, Tennesee for 6 years of his life. He has a jeep and likes to wear a cowboy hat and boots. (LOVE THAT!!) Everything about him thus far in emailing him sounds great. The one thing that I need to let go of is his English skills. He doesn't use past-tense of verbs, and overall, he sounds like English may not be his first language. I don't know his whole story, and he may not verbally speak the way he types, but shoot, if that is his only flaw, I will easily be able to look past it. (Not to mention, I'm not exactly the most advanced English user in the world, even when it is the only language I speak!!) I've sent him 2 emails and he's sent me two (back), as of tonight. The more I learn about him and hear his sense of humor through his typing, the more excited I get about meeting him someday. I'm not sure when that will be, and with me, I always jump the gun and want to rush things, but luckily, he is keeping his cool with waiting to ask to meet me in person. I found myself today thinking about what our Asian kids would be like. I have always wanted an Asian baby, (I think they're so cute!!) even if that meant someday adopting one on my own or something. But see, this is my point, I haven't even met the guy, and here I am thinking about Asian babies.
I guess I'm also a cynic because I think, oh, we probably won't work out. And how come one of his 115 facebook lady friends doesn't like him? Even though I'm in the same boat with having 199 facebook friends, and not one of those guy friends has liked me. Another thing that doesn't help the cynicism is the fact that we live like 60 miles from each other. That's 120 miles round-trip! Ha, and then this morning I was thinking, well, at least I could take the train right to him! Then there's also my upcoming cross-country roadtrip adventure/ 3.5 month stay in West Virginia.
...But if we were to meet within the next month or so, we could date/ see each other through the summer, and then we could write letters to each other, and email, and call each other until I returned to California. And with his job, it sounds like he takes trips to places in the Midwest, so maybe he could come and visit me and then drive back across the country with me! ....And once again, I get wayyyyy too far ahead of myself with the fantasizing! I don't even know if we are going to work out!!! We may meet and discover that we aren't right for each other after all!! *Sigh*
Anywho. That's the story about the new boy. :)

Second Offense, and Lockdown

2010-04-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

I meant to blog yesterday about this upsetting event, but I had a migrane when I got home from my 12 hour day.
It's about 4:30pm yesterday and Ridley's dad (the jerk I previously wrote about) shows up to pick up his kid. We had put a bunch of butcher paper up between the walls of the room, so that parents wouldn't see the extensive decorating we had accomplished in the classroom. We put up a sign on the front door to the class saying to use the side door to pick your child up outside because the parents weren't allowed in the room. Kevin comes storming outside and starts being all nasty to me. He was all "Well how am I supposed to sign him out then, if I can't even go in the room at all?" I stated that you can still go into the room, just not into the classroom part. To that he angrily retorted "No, no, that's not what the sign says. The sign says I can't go in the room at all." Flashbacks of last week went through my head of what an a-hole he was to me, and this occurance wasn't much different. He was still calling me an idiot who has no idea what they're talking about, just not the same demeaning words as last week. Basically, I'm done being even cordial to him. I am a very forgiving person, even when people don't ask directly for forgiveness, but now, he's had his second chance. There shouldn't have even been a first offense of this nature, but now for it to be the second offense...I'm through. I'm not saying hello or goodbye to him, because it's not like he says anything when he sees me or leaves the room anyway. He is immature and just a straight-up ass, and his kid is getting as annoying as hell too. Can NOT wait for this class to be over on June 11th. I only like a couple of kids in the class, and honestly, I won't miss them too much when they go either.
Today we were on LOCKDOWN. Because our school is within a certain radius of the local prison, whenever there is an escaped convict on the loose, we have to keep all of the doors locked and all of the kids inside all day. It sucks having to keep kids inside for 10+ hours. I look forward to being able to take the kids out for over an hour at 4pm. They get so stir crazy and nuts-o by 4pm, that keeping them inside is challenging, to say the least. As far as I know, they still haven't found the convicts, who apparently are "armed and dangerous". I just hope that they find them tonight, because I don't want to be cooped up for another whole day with the hooligans when it's nice outside. (Well, and the fact that they are armed and dangerous convicts, i suppose);)
On a happier note, I'm glad to be getting things done. I'm on load 3 of laundry, and I finished my Thank-you notes today, and I moved some things into the garage. I ordered my mom some mother's day flowers, which I've never done before, and I'm so excited for her to get them! Still need to cut Smokey's claws, and I really need to vacuum my room, but it's super difficult to when I have tons of crap everywhere from going through totes of things. I had Buca di Beppo for dinner, delicious, but I'm not sure it was worth the $10 I saved with a coupon having to be humiliated asking for a table for one, and sitting and eating there alone. :(
Hopefully Smokey will cooperate with her claws being trimmed! Here I go!

GCC and tonight

2010-04-24T16:18:00.000-07:00

The Gibbons. A momma(tan) and baby(black).

Trying to capture the filthiness of my feet. Can't remember the last time I manually labored so hard and got this dirty.

What an experience! I got to the Gibbon Conservation Center (GCC) at 9:25am (I like to be early to places.) The GCC crew told us the jobs that needed to be done, and we formed groups according to what we preferred to do. The options were: clear branches and brush about 1/4 mile hike away from the dumpster and then haul all of the branches to the dumpster, or weeding. I opted for the clearing the brush. I don't know why this sounded like the better option to weeding, but I was just thinking how much I don't like the bending over for hours, your back killing you, pulling stubborn weeds out of the ground. So the GCC lady takes us (me, a 47 year old lady named Tammy, and a mom and daughter pair; Linda and Catelyn) up to where the brush needed to be cleared from, and we got to work. We had to climb up this pretty steep hill and drag down to two tarps these branches that had already been sawed off of these trees. We got our piles ready to drag and went to make our first trip. Holy crap, that was difficult. This road is full of rocks, and has slight uphill parts and my forearms were BURNING from the weight of the tarp (probably around 75 pounds). Tammy and I had to keep switching sides on our strenuous trip to the dumpster. We got our first load to the dumpster and as we stood there at about 10am, we were already spent. I was sweating like, well, the big girl that I am and wasn't sure how we were going to make it another 2.5hours doing this. Catelyn wasn't having anything more to do with this dragging crap, and we all decided that it'd be for the best if she went to her house, about 20 minutes away and got the family truck. She got back with the truck, about an hour and twenty minutes later, and we were able to make three giant loads/trips to the dumpster that would have taken us probably 6 trips back and forth doing the strenuous, back-breaking dragging. Not to mention the three GIANT trees/logs that center really wanted to keep for the Gibbons, but weren't sure how they were going to get them to the center. They were too heavy to drag, and so we lifted them into the truck, and bam, logs for the Gibbons safe and sound on their lot. I got several scratches on my arms, and one on my belly, but nothing too bad. My back is kinda achey, but I'm hoping nothing some Tylenol won't help. The two older ladies both fell at different points. I was glad that they didn't get too injured. I had a lot of fun. All of us had great senses of humor, and so we each kept each other laughing and entertained throughout the whole adventure. I kept thinking how the whole thing wasn't worth a Disneyland ticket (valued at $70), but actually, in hindsight, it was. I had lots of fun, and got a great workout, and helped out an animal organization that was pretty legit.
On another note, babysitting was cancelled for tonight, she said she would give me some extra money the next time I babysat for them. I was totally fine with that. I wasn't really looking forward to babysitting the punks tonight, I kinda just want to chill. I rented "Precious" from the redbox and will watch that later, after I accomplish some things that I wasn't sure when were going to get done, and now they will because of the free time I have!! Yay! Anywho. Off to do those things!
:D

weekend hopes and thoughts

2010-04-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as of a half an hour ago, I was supposed to be a teacher watching a group of kids at my work while their parents go have a date night, the event called "Parents' Night Out". Unfortunately, it was cancelled as of this morning because there was only one kid that had signed up. I guess the only thing I'm dissapointed about is the 3 hours of pay that I won't be getting. And now I have nothing at all planned for my Friday night. I hardly ever have things planned for my Friday nights, so I guess it's not that big of a deal that I'm right where I usually am, sitting in my room, surfing the web and wallowing in self-pity that I am such a loser without friends. My housemates have big steak dinners about once every two weeks, bbq-ing big ol' steaks accompanied by delicious sides like Ceasar salad, rice-a-roni or potatoes. They never ask if I would like to pitch in some money so as to join them in their delicious feast, so while they are devouring their savory dinners, I either eat a hot dog with them, or since I don't have any form of meat to bbq tonight, I sit in my room. With my window closed because the bbq is about 10 feet from my window billowing smoke underneath the steel awning that covers the whole patio. Fun times. I can not WAIT to move out of this shithole of a house with its retarded lazy housemates. FIVE MORE WEEKS. It's gonna feel like so much longer. Maybe I won't pay them for my last month here. What can they do? Kick me out? Well, I'm already moving! Mwah ha ha. And since we don't have any sort of contract, they can't sue me. The worst that could happen is that I would leave on a very sour, awkward, bitter note with them. Hmmmm... I'm debating. I probably won't though, because I'm a chicken and don't do mean, ballzy things like that. *Sigh*. Why do I feel the need to always be so nice and considerate? It doesn't get me anywhere. It reminds me of that phrase and song "Nice guys finish last." Oh well. There's a better phrase that I like to live by "The last shall be first".
Tomorrow morning I am "volunteering" at the Gibbon Conservation Center, about 5 miles from where I live, and I'll be earning a free Disneyland ticket. (that's why I put volunteering in quotes, because it's more like laboring for a Disneyland ticket instead of volunteering just to volunteer). Gotta be there at 9:30, ready to bust my butt doing manual labor for 3 hours. Should be fine. They say we'll be trimming trees and hauling brush to a dumpster that is a 1/4 mile hike away.
Then, tomorrow evening I am babysitting for two boys that I just babysat for on Sunday evening! Twice in one week is a new record. Great money making opportunity for me! They are kind of punk boys, 5(almost 6) and 9. Sunday, Ethan was playing around with his milk cup, and I asked him to put it down, and instead of listening to me, he proceeds to throw what was left in the bottom of the cup all over me and the whole kitchen. I was upset. Then, in case that wasn't enough, the older boy, Jack, decides to throw what was left in the bottom of his milk cup all over the place. So instead of having to clean up what Ethan threw everywhere, I now had to clean up two cups' messes. Grrrrr. I'm still kind of bitter about that, obviously.

Sunday, we're going to church, where I just found out that the pastor that I love so much, Francis, is leaving the pastorate. He's taking his family and moving away because too many people are idolizing him. I swear, I am cursed when it comes to pastors sticking around. Every church I've ever attended, within a year or two of me going there, the pastor leaves. It's kind of bizarre and sad that this has been my experience with churches.
Then, after church, amanda and I are going to measure their upstairs loft (where I'll be moving into in 5 weeks) for a curtain rod and a curtain. Then, we may come back here for a while and have amanda assist me in purging my stuff. She is kinda brutal with purging things when she gets on a roll, so I'm a bit hesitant, but I need help. My dad refuses to bring down his trailer to move all of my stuff back up to his house, so I have to get my stuff as minimalized as possible for him to take up there. If I just can't do it, I may wind up renting a storage unit here in town and keep some of my stuff there until August, when my dad will come back down to visit and pick up my queen bed. I have went through some things in my room, but I'd say I've only went through like 1.5% of my things. I'm going to try to go through 2 totes that are in my room tonight. Hopefully, I won't continue to procrastinate and distract myself with things that don't need to be done as promptly (like blogging...), but I really am one of the best procrastinators around, so my chances aren't looking too good. I just thought of something that needs to be done ASAP; thank-you notes for my birthday presents! Hmmm, actually on second thought, I think I'd rather go through totes than to write thank you notes. Haha. I found something I don't like doing more than packing and purging! Okay, I'm off to have a productive weekend! Wish me luck!

immature parents

2010-04-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my intelligence and communication skills were majorly insulted. I realize I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but when a parent of a 5 year old tells me to my face that I'm an idiot, it hurts. This parent was a total immature jerk to me, and then as he was leaving the school I found out that he was an a-hole to my assistant director as well. It made me feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only person he can't stand. I guess it was just the way he said it, "I wish Amanda were here so she could explain it to me" that made my blood boil. I did not like that feeling at all. The feeling of being completely worthless and useless to someone. Feeling like the scum of the earth that isn't even competent enough to explain something as simple as a picture day order form. The anger and shame that I felt were an awful combo.

And then today, enter A.B.'s mom. We've decided that she is officially psycho. She drops her daughter off early, saying that she was in too much of a hurry to do her hair, and that she'll be back at 11am to do her hair for pictures. Well, our picture time wound up being earlier than planned and so she was all frazzled when she showed up and we were already getting the pictures taken. She did her hair in the most rediculous style I have EVER seen a parent do their child's hair. In a flipped-under bun on each side of her head, right above her ears. It was Princess Leia reminiscent. Or some sort of an animal, maybe a dog, with big floppy ears. And then she had to put the cap on. The photographer was like "ummm... this is going to be problematic..." I laughed so hard on the inside, so as to not make fun of this lady's idea of a cute hair style. Then, in case the hair drama wasn't enough, she didn't want her daughter's yellow shirt showing underneath the robe. But she didn't want to mess up the hair when taking her shirt off... so she literally RIPS the shirt off of A.B. (after contorting her arm in such an awkward position that A.B. screamed in pain). But then, oh wait, the robe is not closed at the top enough so as not to show her mostly bare chest. So she frantically starts looking around the room for something to close the robe. She spots a paperclip and clips it together. She makes sure that the lip gloss on her daughter's 4 year old lips is nice and glistening in the spotlight and coaches her into a "pretty smile... good job, good job, good job, good job, good job".
Psycho lady. And this incident was just one of the MANY shennanigans that we put up with from her.

After yesterday and today, I am less saddened about leaving Sunshine in a few months. The only thing at this point that I will miss about SoCal is my best friend, Amanda. I hope that we do continue to visit each other once I live 365 miles from her. :(

things

2010-04-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

I realize that I am not the most eloquent person when it comes to expressing my thoughts, thus the simple title. I was on the verge of thinking of something to encompass all of the thoughts swirling and tumbling around in my head, but nothing stuck. For some reason, I thought that blogging sounded like something I wanted to return to tonight. Maybe because I am procrastinating going through my life's collection of 'things'(more on that later), or writing thank-you notes didn't sound super riveting, or I'm in one of my spending too much money remorseful times. Whatever it was that got me to turn to my blog, after consistently neglecting it, here I am. I don't know how to blog without journaling. I think of journaling as an honest, no beating around the bush, straightforward log of my innermost thoughts, desires, and happenings. The purpose of my blog is I guess to share with a couple of other people whom I don't get to talk with on a regular basis about my little ol' life (probably in much more depth than most of the people that I do talk with on a regular basis).
I guess the biggest tumult of my life right now is where do I belong? My heart's answer is the SF Bay Area, with my immediate family. But then there is my best friend that lives here in SoCal, and my Gram in West Virginia. I came to a decision about 8 weeks ago, that I want to accomplish one of my life goals of driving across the country and live with my grandma for a while before moving back up to the Bay Area and putting my roots down there. My grandma had asked me a couple of years ago if I would live with her for a bit in WV. I was excited to do it, but wasn't quite ready then. I'd started making plans, but backed out. I didn't see how it'd be feasible to do it with no money, no job to save money, and no plan for after. I wasn't really ready to leave SoCal and everything that was developing for me at that point. I'm not sure if I'm ready this time either, but the way that life's panned out, I feel like at least it is the right time to do this. I've worked at Sunshine for 2 years, and loved it so much. I still love it. But there are many things that just haven't worked out in the past 8 months for me that have pushed me towards the decision, and many things that have worked that are pushing me toward the decision. Things that haven't worked out:
-where I live. It sucks. Many crappy stories, and expectations that fell through the floor. Awkwardness and rudeness.
-No relationship. If God doesn't want me to be in one right now, it's not going to happen, and I need to stop thinking that I can orchestrate something on my own when I'm not so much the one in control. This eHarmony thing just gets my hopes up, and then drops me hard each time I am rejected by these guys who are only interested in looks. Not sure why I thought it would work for me. Guess I was desperate...ugh...pathetic.

[Jesus, if this is Your will,
then YES to being single.
In my deepest heart, i want to marry,
to belong to a great man;
to know that i am linked to his life . . .
and he to mine . . .
following Christ and our dreams together . . .
but You know what i need.
if i never marry, it is YES to You.]
From Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper

-Miss my family. I never thought I'd be one of those people who didn't return home after graduating from college. There are weekends when I don't have anything at all to do, and I'll call my mom and she doesn't have anything to do either. She's mentioned several times that if we lived closer, how we would be doing things together. Even if it was just walking the mall/going shopping, or going to see a movie together. And I miss my sister. She's about to turn 17, and I've missed out on her teenage years. I could've been such a positive influence on her life, but I was selfish and decided to live down here for myself. I have come to the conclusion that I have had my adventure of moving to SoCal for college, and yes, I've lived here for a good portion of my adult life, but I don't feel super connected to the land down here. Yes, the beaches are nice, but land and it's terrain isn't why I moved down here, and it's not what will keep me here. I'm not in love with the glamour, and especially don't like the superficial ways of SoCal. Wayyyy too many people are obsessed and concerned with looks. I've never met so many people that spend the amount of money that the majority of people do on their appearances with tanning, gyms, lasik, skin laser, boob jobs, teeth whitening, braces, pedi/manis, waxing, and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be fit and healthy, but it costs a lot of money, even just to have a gym membership. It's sad that even the 4 year old kids think that you are a freak if you are overweight.
Things that have worked out:
-I've always wanted to go on an extended road trip, seeing the Grand Canyon on the way. I'm a bit apprehensive to embark on such a long adventure with a cat in the backseat, and with an 11 year old Plymouth Neon with 137,450 miles on it, in the middle of summer... but if it's ever going to happen, I figure this is it regardless of the slight inconveniences. If I'm moving back up to the Bay Area anyway, might as well get this amazing adventure taken care of while I can. My bff amanda and her husband have SOOO graciously offered their apartment's loft for me to live in for 3 months RENT FREE. All because they are fellow followers of Christ that want to help me out. Without this offer, I wouldn't be able to afford to do this trip.
-My dad moved back into his 3 bedroom house in Antioch, CA. He was living out of his RV for a while, and renting out his house to random people, but he said that after I've lived in WV, I can move in with him (and his girlfriend) for very little rent. Sure, there are some big drawbacks to doing this, I know, but hopefully it wouldn't be for super long. I'd get a job that hopefully could allow me to move into a place of my own. (Ideally.) In my dreamiest of dreams, I would be working as a Preschool Teacher at a Christian school.
If I don't find a job in WV, my trip may only be for a few months. I'll say that if I don't have a job within 3 months, that I have to move back to CA. I'm thinking that that's all I'll really want to stay anyway, for I'm not sure I'd be able to do a WV winter with the tons of snow and all. In a way, I kinda want to plan it so that I just stay for 3 months, jobless, living it up hiking and such in WV, traveling up the East coast a bit, see NY and MA, and when the first snow falls, I pack up and head west. Autumn in WV is the season I wanted to experience the most anyway, and that's seeming like the best plan, is to just spend a season in WV. I'll be home for Christmas in sunny California.
So now comes the packing. I currently have every single possession that I've ever owned and wanted to keep with me. Unfortunately, I have a deep connection to too many clothing items and toys to make the ordeal of moving an easy thing. I have tried over the years since I've become an adult to sort through my collections and get rid of things. But it is sooo hard. I currently have about 8 totes full of things that I want. I need to get that down to about 5, ideally 4, for my dad to move back up to his house. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it. The thought of parting with some of my childhood toys, collections and stuffed animals is too much for me to bear. These things are a part of who I am, and they evoke such deep memories and happy feelings of a simpler time, that I can't voluntarily get rid of much of it. I have hundreds of books and just over 100 dvd's, and over a hundred beanie babies, and about 75 stuffed animals, and 50+ T-shirts that people either made for me or that I went on trips with my Youth Group in, or my Girl Scout uniforms that I kept over 10 years of being a Girl Scout. My old stereo that I made tons of mixed tapes with, the hamster cage with accessories that amanda surprised me with for a birthday present with Pudge in it. My pog collection and my pog maker. My sticker collection. All of my arts and crafts stuff. Expensive Halloween costumes, and halloween decorations. A bunch of Christmas decorations. Tons of blankets and pillows and towels and sweatshirts. Old schoolwork, big projects I did from High School and College. My inline skates, scooter, bike. My two folding beach chairs and my boogie board. My sleeping bag and camping mat. I have SOOO much stuff. That list is probably about half of the stuff that I own. Not to mention the things that I use often, like my TV and dresser and clothes in my closet and nightstand with alarm clock. My laptop and it's lapdesk. SO much frickin stuff. It really is out of control. Its like I need a storage unit. Or just someone who could come and buy all of my stuff off of me. Sigh. But yeah, I'm procrastinating going through all of that. I'm moving in about 5 weeks, and I know I need to get a move on with sorting through my life, but I've never really been a plan ahead type of person. More of a last minute kinda gal. Even if that means staying up, getting maybe 5 hours a sleep each night for several nights, so be it.
Oh, heavens to Betsy, I need help.
Hopefully I will keep this updated throughout this summer (and beyond!)

oh the waiting

2010-01-26T19:58:00.000-08:00

Life is one huge time of waiting. Waiting for a birthday, waiting to accomplish a goal, waiting in line at the store, or more common in L.A.; waiting to go whilst in traffic. I don't think I've met a person who has said, "you know, I just love waiting". I'm sure there would be times when waiting wouldn't be as bad, for maybe it is awaiting potentially upsetting news. But I think even then, waiting would be difficult. My bestie and I were having a discussion the other day about time.(i'm sure we've had a similar discussion before, and i'm sure it wasn't the last time we'll try hashing it out) We were talking about how so many weeks just drag on and feel like they are taking so long, but when you look back on a time, it feels like it flew by. How does that work?!
I just re-signed up for eHarmony, after not being on it for over a year. I was very bitter about the fact that I didn't even start communicating with even one guy within three months. I would be matched with some guys, get really excited that they sounded good, I'd take pictures of their profile pics on my phone and show the guy to people, and then they would close the match. It sucked. The rollercoaster of emotions that I faced, even if not really rooted in much, were not fun. I figured something was wrong with me and nobody wanted me, even just my basic profile-d me. I went to my best friend's wedding last August, who met the love of her life on eHarmony just 3 months before I signed up. She kept encouraging me to reenroll, and I was still bitter and hurt. I used the valid excuse that i didn't have money. Then, several months ago, another one of my friends met the love of her life on eHarmony too. This was a big nudge for me to consider reenrolling. I decided that i would just go for it, use my federal tax return, and do it. I figure, 'what can it hurt?' for a year of hope, it is worth it. But it's only day 3, and i'm having second thoughts. The WAITING is killing me. The first night I signed up, this past Sunday night, I was matched with an amazing-sounding guy. He's not too bad looking, either. His name is Sean, and from the sound of his profile, he is a solid, devoted follower and fellow relationship with Christ man. I requested to have his first questions, and he sent them back with his answers, and requested to have my answers to the first questions (stage 1). The next morning, he sent me his 'must-haves' and 'can't stands' and I sent him mine (stage 2). Then, I initiated/requested to proceed with stage 3, which is a bit more time-consuming, with him having to come up with questions for me to answer. And this is where the stalemate comes in. I now wait. I have been checking eHarmony RELIGIOUSLY, obsessively, constantly, to no avail. And I hate it. The anticipation that he could close the match at any time, for any reason, which he could wait a week or more to do, he could be persuing another woman and choose her and shut me down. Not only do I feel like this could just be a repeat of what happened in Fall 2008, but I am a bit more lonely and ready for a relationship at this point. I feel like this time it's going to be even more challenging for me, too, because I do have it for a year, and I'm going to expect instant connection, and it could take 10 months of this horrible process with who knows how many guys. Do I have the self-esteem and confidence to keep getting put on hold or shut down? I hope so. I know that if after a year of this endeavor I have nothing to show for it, I'm going to be very bitter, upset, humiliated and discouraged. It's hard not to have expectations going into something that has worked for so many people. That may be my downfall, but honestly, I guess I can't get much further down the loner road than when I first began!
Sigh.
Here's to hope... That elusive and unpredictable conception.

church

2009-12-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

I love the church I've been going to for the last several months, Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley. The pastor, Francis Chan, is so authentic. A man after God's own heart and Will. He shares what's on his heart, and turns to the only perfect authority, God's Word. Here are some notes that I took on his sermon that he gave two weeks ago that when I reread, continue to strike me, and I wanted to list them.
-As Christians, we need to think and live differently. We need to discern what parts of our mindsets are Biblical, and what parts are American.
-We need to decipher what is right, and then set aside all of the other stuff.
-2 Peter 2:1-3 Key word: SECRETLY
-The road to Hell is marked: "Heaven".
-2 Corinthians 11: 13-15
-Galatians 1:8-9 If anyone tells you anything different from what's in the Bible, they are/could be accursed. Check, because they sneak in and teach destructive heresies.
-The biggest lie that the world is faced with today: "How could a loving God send people to hell?" 2 Peter 4
-That a good god wouldn't punish is the popular mindset today.
-It's no secret, He knows how to punish. Check the Old Testament.
-This world isn't going to become more holy over the coming years.

I'm excited for the all-church service outside this Sunday! Worshipping in the nice, chilly weather with several hundred other believers! Awesome!!

Quickly Approaching Christmas

2009-12-12T16:51:00.001-08:00

What is it that actually makes the Christmas season feel like Christmas? I've been doing lots of things to try and make myself believe and feel like Christmas is in less than 2 weeks. I put lights up in my room, hung stockings on the wall, listened to Christmas music nonstop, made Christmas cookies; but none of those things have convinced me. I think the true meaning of Christmas is to remember the Ultimate Gift that God gave to us, His son, Jesus the Christ. To be reminded that we are to love because He loved us first. I think I will feel the Christmas feeling when I finally get home where my brother, sister and mom live. When I hug my dad and visit my grandma. When after waking up early to open presents, we are enjoying our Christmas morning bagels with all of the fixings together. When I feel like I belong, and nothing else really matters.
I have done very little today, and it has been wonderful. I have read HP7, took a nap, caught up on SYTYCD, all the while with my window cracked open, listening to the rain that has continued all day long. My kitty has been curled up next to me, sleeping the day away (though I have contimplated keeping her awake all day so that maybe she will sleep through the entire night, not waking me up) and it's just been a very peaceful, restful day.
I can't wait for my trip up to the Bay Area in 11 days so that I can embrace the Christmas feeling of being with family and remembering what love is.

Smokey

2009-12-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

I really love having a webcam. I've had several video chats that have been lots of fun and quite a learning experience! I realized that I haven't really shared much about my awesome kitty Smokey that I adopted back in October, so I took a few pics of my Smokey bear to post to my blog. Here she is:

She's a good 5 year old little girl. Sure, she wakes me up every night at 3am, and sometimes other hours that I shouldn't be awake at, but there's no way I could give her up now. I'm attatched. She is such a chill cat, but with a spunky side too, she is perfect for my lifestyle and the accomadations I am currently facing.
I'm trying to figure out what to do with her during my upcoming trip home for the holidays. I will be gone for 11 days... and I want nothing more than to bring her home for the trip. I would want my family and friends to meet her, but there are a lot of things that make me apprehensive as well.
I have always wanted a cat, and it is as rewarding as I thought it'd be to have one. :)

Black Friday and the New (and improved) Lappy

2009-11-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

...Aaaaannnnnddddd.... I'm back!! To the blogging, Facebooking, emailing, cyberworld!! My trusty HP that I had throughout college died about 2 months ago, and I have been doing some price-checking and lots of looking around ever since. It has been challenging to be without a computer so many times since Ol' Lappy died. But yesterday was Black Friday, and I was determined to find a great deal on a new laptop. Thanksgiving day, I swiped the newspaper full of ads off of the front lawn before heading to Amanda and Brian's place for dinner, and while waiting for the turkey to finish cooking, I went through any and every ad that could have an excellent price on a laptop. After over an hour of searching before dinner and some final price and product comparisons after dinner, I decided that Office Depot was the winner. They offered a HP with 320GB of memory, a 17.3" screen, and a bunch of other bells and whistles, all for the amazing price of $449... (After a $50 manufacturer mail-in rebate... so really it was $500 in-store). The final price probably would've been about $570 after taxes. So I decided that I would join the masses on this Black Friday and attempt to score the deal on the HP. Office Depot's doors were opening at 6am, but they were starting to hand out the tickets for the sale-priced ticket items at 5am. I set my alarm for 4:15am, with the goal of leaving home by 4:30am, to get to the store at about4:45am. I painfully woke up yesterday morning. Made some coffee, got all bundled up with my peacoat and scarf on, and made it out of the house by about 4:35am. In hindsight, I probably should've gotten to the store at about 4:30am... but I'll get to that... I had to stop for gas, and as I was doing such at approximately 4:40am, I realized that I didn't have my phone. After pumping the gas I drove the 4 blocks back to the house and grabbed my phone. So I was on my way to the store at 4:50am. Now one of the great things about driving at that ungodly hour is that there were only a handful of cars on the roads. I got to Office Depot at 4:58am...and to my dismay there were probably about 50 people in line already. I jumped out of my car and jumped in the Queque. Stood there in the coldest weather I've experienced since last winter, I could see my breath. Many things crossed my mind at this point in the endeavor. I wrote them down so as to blog about them once I got home with my new laptop. Here they are: That this many people wake up at this hour voluntarily is asanine. There are a lot more crazy people in this city than I realized! Feeling hopeless, like there's no way it'll work out and this psycho endeavor will be a waste. But we cling to the hope of saving $250. There's a huge difference between paying $450 and $700. With no one to text...I write a bunch of notes to myself to look busy and log away my dreary sleep deprived thoughts. At least there are people behind me. I am toasty warm, caffinated and surprisingly awake. Just bored. And nervous. Should be called "blackest friday", for it is a glimpse at the materialistic, selfish state that this country's society is in. It's this black still only [an] hour b4 the sun comes out? The last laptop was sold to the person two people in front of me. Standing out here freezing my ass off, was in fact, a waste. 8am...Out of body experience at this point. Takes a lot of steam to continue mustering up the energy just to walk around.

And that was the experience in a nutshell. They ran out of the amazing sale-priced items two people in front of me. I was discouraged and pissed, but decided to go in anyway, since I'd waited an hour in the freezing cold. I spent about an hour comparing the laptops that were on display. This is when I first met what would be my lappy the 2nd. I had never heard of MSI before, so I was hesitant in buying it... but it was originally a $600 laptop on sale for $480, and it had all of the same bells and whistles as the HP, so I decided to get it. So far, I really like it. It has a 16" screen, which is bigger than my last lappy's screen, and it came with Windows7 pre-loaded. The grand total wound up being less than what the HP's would've been, and I was happy about that. This lappy also has a 3 year warranty, which is from what I've investigated, one of the best warranties for a laptop out there.

I came home from my adventure that was, after all, a success, and spent several hours charging, loading and customizing my new lappy. I'm still working on loading my stuff onto it, including pictures and music. I am seeing New Moon at 1pm with my friend, and then I will no doubt be taking on that task after I get home from it.

I'm so glad I'm back in the cyberworld. Being an alien has felt a bit isolating. I also have a webcam with microphone built-in to lappy the 2nd, and I'm excited to try out video chatting!!

Yay for patience and for Black Friday!

Losing stuff

2009-08-29T08:31:00.001-07:00

There probably aren't many people who like losing things, unless its something that's ailing you. Like my cough, for instance, or Maryann's 15cm cyst growing inside her. These things, we don't mind losing. There are things, that when we lose, we feel lost. Like a cell phone, or pictures that burn up in a house or something to that effect. I have lost my sewing kit, that has a ton of sewing stuff in it. It has about 200 safety pins that I REALLY could use for altering some curtains. It also has my brand new bottle of Liquid Stitch that I was planning on using to alter my curtains. Completely misplaced, not to be seen. Ticks me off. Losing things is definitely one of my biggest pet peeves, especially because I JUST SAW IT a few days ago. Where the hell could it have went? I don't take things out of my room. I stay confined to my room. Ugh. Frustrating. I just feel like when I lose things, I am losing my mind. And maybe I am.

Ready for changes

2009-08-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

While no one loves it when wonderful things in life such as retreats, friendships, weddings, etc. draw to an end, there are other things in life that we can not wait for to gradually and finally change. Things that you deal with, put up with because that is the everyday and the mundane and the place that we learn to be content with. These are things that if they were to change, we are grateful for. It's through these downward slopes in life, down to the valleys that you reach a breaking point and trudge through, in despair, that we have a hard time remembering that there is hope that things can get better. Deep down knowing that life is full of valleys, and how we must press on to reach the mountaintops. Times in life are remembered most in these valleys and the mountaintops, but life is characterized by how we react to the slopes and climbs; the journeys to those experiences. I am currently facing one of those downhill slopes. I've lived in a house with 3 other people and now 5 animals (one retarded dog, one 3 month old puppy who has a lot to learn, a $500 kitten that thinks it's a dog and won't shut up with his extremely loud meow, and two fairly low-maintenance middle-aged cats) for 6 weeks now, and it feels like I've lived here 6 months. I am so frustrated and fed up with animals taking over the house and there NEVER being any peace and quiet. I am realizing that my usual routine of going to the gym after work is for the best because tonight, I spent the evening in, not at the gym and I want to run away, far, far away. I spend the entire day dealing with loud, obnoxious children, and I want to be able to come home and relax. But no. Not with the obnoxious, loud pets that are even less manageable than children.
I want to move out. Like right now. I'm done. I'm at my breaking point. My best friend is now married, and I hate the idea of inviting myself over. She sort of just invited me. So i'm going to head over there now... :( maybe to be continued...

Welp, I tried!

2009-08-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

I really did want to make the attempt at blogging for a full week. Obviously, that attempt fell through! Yesterday was the first day of school, and there is so much to blog about with that! Unfortunately, I got home and was EXHAUSTED from being the shared assistant of two teachers and two classrooms, and I ate a quick dinner then went and laid down, resulting in me falling asleep. Now, I woke up 25 minutes ago and get to do leave to do it all over again in a half an hour! I'm hoping that today goes by a lot quicker and smoother in terms of knowing what I'm supposed to do and when. With this hope, I am also hoping to blog this evening (after my nail appointment) about the first two days of school and the upcoming wedding this weekend (rehearsal is tomorrow in San Luis Obispo). :) Peace out!

as expected, a loooonnnngggg day

2009-08-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Yep. I wasn't able to go to sleep last night until 1am... and then I woke up this morning at 6:30am. I had meetings/seminars until 11:30am, grabbed some lunch and then helped my two teachers put together their rooms- which consisted mostly of putting up butcher paper on the walls and then trimming them with borders in asthetically pleasing ways to make the rooms ready for tomorrow night; meet the teacher night. I have two classrooms of kids names to learn (even though I know about half of the kids already) and that means a butt-load of parents' names to learn. I got home from work and decided to keep myself awake until about 9:30pm, when I am going to pass out until 6:30am tomorrow morning, hopefully uninterupted! (Which tends to be a challenge where I live, with 3 cats and two very rambunctious dogs that bark all the effing time.) To say the least, I am sooo beat. This has been the longest day I have had for a long time. At least when I helped my sister paint and redecorate her room this summer, I was able to sleep in until like 9am. I do not do well getting up before 7am. It feels very unnatural to me to do so. Luckily the first two weeks of school I work 9am-6pm. Then I'm 8-5. So it's gradually easing my way into the early shift. I think I'm going to like the rotating schedules. I will be so glad not having to close this whole year. That was something I was duped into in the first place last August when I first started working for Sunshine.
I'm off to get my PJ's on and brush my teeth for my quickly approaching konk out time. I'm glad I've kept my goal thus far of blogging for a week! Here's to the rest of the week!!!
xoxo

Summertime draws to an end... back to work and reality

2009-08-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

I am employed by an academic preschool. And as such, for the past twenty-five years, they have had the program estabilshed so that after the promotion ceremony in June, the majority of Pre-K students no longer attend the school. This creates an issue for the employees. There is not enough enrollment for the Pre-K teachers to all have 40 hours per week- and as we found out, barely even 20 hours per person per week. I feared for my job and my livelihood. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to pay rent and buy food. I thought I would be living off of Top Ramen and Kool-Aid for the summer. It is so mind-blowing how much grace and mercy God has shown me with this summer and the predicament I thought I would be in. It started with moving in with a couple where they blessed me with only having to pay $300 the first two months I lived here (so last month, and this month). Then I had an unexpected $521 check given to me by The Master's College; a credit balance that I had at the school that they needed to deal with, and I couldn't have planned the timing better if I'd tried. I also was able to pick up some extra hours at work throughout the summer from people who didn't want their hours, or who I was able to trade hours with, resulting in getting a lot more hours than I was supposed to get. I know it was the hand of God pulling me through. I look at this summer and how incredibly blessed I am, and I know my response should be to be blessing others with the blessing I have received. I feel like I have done some things for others that hopefully have blessed them as I so incredibly have been blessed. There's so much more that I wish I had done. I want to get back in the practice of sending people cards. Just cards to say hi, that I love them and that I am thinking about them. I realized how few of my friends' addresses I have. We communicate so much through the internet, that snail mail is becoming more and more obsolete, and more and more precious. I have gotten one piece of mail since living in my new place, and while I was grateful for it, it was something that I had left at my mom's house while I was visiting, and she was returning it to me, and it was the only thing in the bubble-mailer. No note, nothing. I know, this is really selfish and pathetic of me, but I was hoping for a little note that said hi. Shoot, it could've been written on a receipt or a gum wrapper for all I cared, it could've just said "hi jess!" or "love you"...but it was only the item. I almost didn't even want the item, it threw me so aback that it was the only thing in the overpriced mailer. This experience, along with always having the desire to do nice things for people, to put a smile on someone's face, is what will hopefully spur me on to send my mom and a bunch of my friends little notes. Simple cards that say hi and I love you, I miss you and I'm thinking about you.
I hope that I can keep up with that task as well as the blogging task.
I write all of this because my summer of decreased hours, and lots of free time, has drawn to an end. I have to get up at 6:45am tomorrow to make it to work by 8am for a NINE HOUR DAY. I haven't worked that many hours in a single day since the first week in June. I mean, crap, last week, over a period of three days, I only worked 10.80 hours!!! Not to mention the fact that I haven't gone to bed before midnight since about the beginning of June also! I don't think I will be able to do it. It doesn't help that I took a pretty long nap this afternoon and I'm not tired at all right now. So, I have a bunch of things working against me here, but I just wanted to reflect on the amazing and fun summer I've had. It's back to reality now. Back to school. I always enjoyed starting fresh every fall. Now that I'm an adult, I get to still have the experience in my vocation. This summer was the last summer that the diminished Kindercamp program at Sunshine will be happening. (Supposedly). They are switching the program so that it is year-round, like the Preschool's program; August to August. I don't know how that will work academics-wise... i guess we shall see!

Another thing came to mind just now, as I was blogging about God's perfect timing, is the timing he has given me in my life in general. I went for six years after high school without dating any guys what-so-ever. Recently, I was set-up on a blind date with the brother-in-law of my regional director. We'll just put it nicely and say that there just wasn't any connection between us. He didn't seem like he cared one bit about getting to know me, I didn't feel like I could carry on any conversation, let alone an intelligent one, and he was ten years older than me, which means when he was 18, I was 8. He was a very nice mentally challenged man, and I guess I should be grateful for somebody taking the time to set me up, and then for the guy to take me for frozen yogurt and black-light mini-golf, but umm, did I mention he was special like special ed? Yeah, it was almost insulting, definitely a bit humiliating that my regional director thought that I would click with his handicapped brother. And no, everyone, he was not just nervous, he was a nervous mentally challenged man. And he was too old for me. I need someone born in the same decade as me, if possible. Which is 5 years. He could be 29, at the oldest. I don't want to be with someone who will be going through a mid-life crisis either at the beginning of dating him, or within the first year of dating him. I really don't feel like I'm requiring too much here, but seeing as the only guy I've been set up with was nobody I had ever fathomed of being with for any amount of time was disadvantaged, maybe I am. I felt like I was being taken advantage of for my niceness and my lack of being able to turn people down when they ask me to do things. This is where I put my foot down. I will not continue to date Special Ed guy, because with my luck, it will continue to be a series of dates that I can't say no to, and he will wind up asking me to marry him or something. Of course, I would be able to say no to that, but I believe that dating should be more of a courting process. That you are getting to a know a person more intimately because you are interested in someday getting married to them. I don't feel like I'm being a prude by not calling him back (which by the way in 3 weeks, he's only called twice) because I feel like I would be leading the guy on that I am interested. I do face the challenge of being in a predicament tomorrow when I see my regional director and he asks how my date with his brother-in-law went, and why I haven't contacted him back since the date when he has called me... in this case, the truth could get me fired, or at least put on a Butt list with him, so I will sugar-coat it!! I plan on saying that I didn't feel any connection, I wasn't able to carry on a conversation with him easily, he is much older than me (I guess I will admit to having looked him up on the internet's White Pages because I knew NOTHING about him before meeting him on our blind date, and I wanted to make sure he wasn't on America's Most Wanted or something) but it may not even come up. I'll have to keep anyone who reads this posted.
But about the timing thing, people always say that when you least expect love, it happens. Well, how do I stop expecting or hoping for it? Is there some secret to turning off the section in my brain that wants so desperately to find someone to share my life with? I'm not asking for a prince charming here. Sure, I have some high standards, but I have fairly low expectations! You'd think that I'd be able to find SOMEONE to spend this short amount of lonely time here on this planet learning from and learning with and growing with!! I have things happen that I realize were perfect timing, but then, when it comes to a relationship, I look around me and see so many people getting married and having babies, it is SOOO hard to remember that God has it under control. That He has a different, more testing plan for me. Things don't fall into my lap like they do for so many. And also, I don't have the worst situation ever with my life either. I am content being single. I don't talk about finding someone hardly ever... it just seems to come up a lot when I blog... I have a great life with a great job working with kids and co-workers that I love and have a lot of fun with. It's really only after everyone has gone to bed with their sweethearts, and I turn to my stuffed Build-a-Bear, that I wish for something more than fluff and stuff. It's only when at a wedding, everyone my age will have someone to sit with, and to dance with, that I wonder if it will ever be my time to experience what the emotions and deep connection to a person are like. I don't feel cursed, just restrained. I cling to hope everyday that I too, could experience the thing that people think will never happen for them, true love. I just pray that I have faith in the promise that God knows what He is doing. That I will live joyfully each day for what I have been given. That all the things that I regret doing in my life, I learn from. And that in everything I do, I give all the glory to God. My precious Savior and King who if not for His incredible love for me and for humankind, I would be nothing, have nothing, and hope for nothing.

scanner and pix

2009-08-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I decided it was time to invest in a scanner/copier/printer. I couldn't be more glad that I did. First of all, I got a great deal on it. It was $40 for the scanner/printer ALONG WITH the USB cable, black AND color ink and some pre-cut photo 4x6's. FORTY BUCKS for all of that! Score!! So yesterday I set it up and started scanning. First I scanned in some old photos of myself from '86-'91 that I had shoved in an old tote.
Here are a few:

Then I got started on scanning about 50 pictures of my sister from back in the day and 50 pieces of artwork that she'd made me. My intent for over a year was to make her a scrapbook with a bunch of old photos and copies of the old artwork she made me. But I wasn't sure how to do it on the cheap. I think I will order the scanned pics of my sis from Wal-Mart online and then just print off my own copies of her artwork. I am excited! I hope I can get it all together before Christmas.
Today, I have absolutely nothing planned. It's a very weird thing to have a Saturday where I have NOTHING going on. I did, however, realize this morning that in order to renew my car registration I have to go get a SMOG check. So, i guess i could go do that... Also, I still need to finish HP6, which I have seen the movie twice, but I really want to finish the book. Then there is a stack of about 5 movies that I pulled out of my roommates DVD collection that I would like to watch, and I have a few projects in my room that I would like to complete. So, really, I have a ton of stuff that needs to be done, it's just figuring out where I want to spend my time! I have gotten used to spending Saturdays with Misty and Cat, watching SYTYCD, but not today, apparently. Tomorrow is one of my co-worker's baby shower that (as far as I know) Misty and I are going to.

I wish I were more committed to blogging. It truly is something I want to do more often. I can just be a lazy person at times, I guess.

Let's see if I can keep blogging for a solid week, and then maybe I'll want to keep going from there!! :) I am on a mission, people!

Moving

2009-07-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure there isn't a person on this earth that would say, "Oh, MOVING!?! I LOVE MOVING!!" Even if you are moving from an old, rundown apartment to a MANSION I still don't think there is much that is enjoyable about packing up 2.5 years worth of crap into boxes and making a hundred trips across town. Sure, I could've saved some hassle (and probably some money, when all is said and done with gas) by renting a U-Haul and only having to make one trip, by myself... but I am cheap. And everytime I have moved in the past 6 years, I forget how much crap I own. I have now saved the majority of my packing for tonight, the night before I am moving. Because it is hard to pack up your things when you need a lot of them for basic everyday things. I've needed blank CD's and a board game, scissors, pens, stamps (okay, so a lot of stationary-related things) but you get the point. All of my clothes and toiletries have needed to wait to be packed, all of the food in the kitchen, as well as some silverware and cookware. So, tonight I have a long night of packing up everything except for a change of clothes and my toothbrush into boxes. I have no clue how long it is going to take to move all of my boxes...everything I own... to a house that is 7 miles away from my current place. The trip takes about 20 minutes through all of the stop lights in town, and so the round-trip travel time is 40 minutes. Not including loading the car, unloading it, and taking strained muscle breaks.
I have many emotions going on within me about moving out of the apartment that I've lived in for 2+ years with my roomie of 4 years. It's the end of an era. Time to start another chapter in this seemingly long book of life. There are things I'm excited about, and things I'm not sure how will work. It is going to be a major adjustment, I can tell you that.
Here's to the joys of moving!!!

Most Richly Blessed

2009-06-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have a quote up on my mini-bulletin board next to my bed titled "Most Richly Blessed". Every now and again I stop and take 30 seconds and read it, and I am always glad I did. I read it this morning, and thought I'd share it here on my somewhat desolate and rather neglected blog.

"Most Richly Blessed"

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might to better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing I asked for--
but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my
unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men,
most richly blessed.

Anonymous Confederate Soldier

This little writing always puts things into perspective for me. That even when it seems like we aren't getting what we ask for, God still gives us good things. Things that benefit us, even when they seem like they can't.
Romans 8:28- (my favorite verse) "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Regarding the unspoken prayers being answered, my brain then jumps to Garth Brooks' song "Unanswered Prayers"... "Some of God's greatest gifts, are all too often unanswered prayers"

I've also been wanting to share a list of movies that one of my favorite professors from Master's gave to us in our Senior Seminar class. He listed what he believed to be the greatest top 25 films of all time:
1) Citizen Kane (1941)
2) Casablanca (1943)
3) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
4) Rear Window (1954)
5) High Noon (1952)
6) The Third Man (1949)
7) Dr. Strangelove (1964)
8) The Searchers (1956)
9) Das Boot (The Director's Cut) (1982)
10) Chinatown (1974)
11) The Seventh Seal (1958)
12) Sunset Boulevard (1950)
13) Schindler's List (1993)
14) The Elephant Man (1980)
15) The Seven Samurai (1954)
16) Poirot (BBC Television Series)
17) Charade (1963)
18) Shane (1953)
19) Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Extended Version) (2001-2003)
20) Spirited Away (2001)
21) Metropolis (1927)
22) Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)
23) 12 Angry Men (1957)
24) The Maltese Falcon (1941)
25) Memento (2000)

I am sad to say that I've only seen a few of these movies, but I am going to make it a mission to see all of them within the next year!! I've heard of all of them, and a few I have wanted to see- like Chinatown, Charade, Memento-- but have yet to.

I'll pick up a value size box of popcorn next time I'm at the store!! :)

My favorite thing about Ms. Jessica

2009-06-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, Amanda thought it'd be cute to ask our kids what their favorite thing about the other teacher was. Here's the list that I got:

Gunnar: Sitting on her lap.
Jason: I like hugging her.
Jack: I love her!
Madison: I like playing Hi-Ho Cherry-o with her.
Amanda: I love her!
Evan F.: When she says goodbye to me at the front office.
Alexander: I love her a lot!
Jessa: I'm going to miss her love.
Gage: I love her!
Dylan: Hugging her!
Kelsey: I love to hug her.
Carmela: I love her
Catelyn: Playing Hi-Ho Cherry-o with her.

Ethan, Christian and Evan G. weren't in class this whole week, so we weren't able to ask them. These three boys are not coming back for summer camp, and it breaks my heart that I was not able to say goodbye. Ethan and Evan G. were my little cuddle bugs, in addition to Gage being one too. It's funny and precious that my 3 cuddlebugs were all boys. We didn't have super cuddly girls in our class.

As a gift, I received a book from one of the moms of a girl in my class that she herself wrote and published this year. It is called "Waves Crashing" and I really enjoyed it. (yes, I received it yesterday and couldn't put it down last night, so i woke up this morning and finished it.) It was a story of a family that goes through an intense tradgedy and the emotions and changes that came with it. The book is mostly about how they dealt with the tradgedy in the full year after the event, realizing the importance of family and family values. It made me miss my family so much. I have slid into a weird homesickness lately, as my little sister is about to get her driver's license in about a month. I'm missing her whole high school life, and it is heart-wrenching. I want so badly right now to be able to live back up in the Bay Area. I'm done with Southern California. It has nothing to offer me, like apparently it does for so many people. Coming to school here was a nice adventure, but I'm ready for that to be over with. I am lonely and depressed a lot of the time, and it feels like nobody wants me or needs me at all. I have a job that I couldn't love more, but I don't know if the tradeoff of when I'm not there is worth it. I'm due to move out of the apartment that I've lived in for the past 2.5 years in about 3 weeks, and while I was excited for the change, I'm just not as excited about the place I will be living... for who knows how long. I'm moving in with one of my co-workers and her husband (as well as their current roommate) who just bought their first house. It needs some work done to it, as it is probably a 25+ year old house. But that's not what I'm concerned about. I guess the part that I am dreading is sharing the only bathroom outside of the master with their roommate, Allyn. He is just a nasty boy that is very inconsiderate of others. I will be in the room directly next to his and his yappy dog's. It will definitely be a change for me, for I haven't lived with boys (or a dog) since living in my parents' house with my dad and brother in 2003. Especially to go from living practically alone to living with 3 other people, two being guys. I'm nervous! I get along with Jenn and Steve alright, but not really with Allyn. So that could make for some interesting encounters when we are sharing the same bathroom and he is a gross slob...
sigh. I just feel dissapointed with life right now. Like I created this mess that I'm in, and I don't know how to get out of it. If I were to move back up to the Bay Area, where would I live? There is no no no way that I could handle living with Debra. She is one of those people that after 3 days of spending a solid amount of time with her, I need a break. I like spending short snippets of time with her, so being a roommate would NOT work. I would be frustrated all the time. I guess the bigger issue would have to be- where would I work full time?! In order to pay rent I would have to have at least a $10/hr. job. I guess I could see about going back to my old job at Tabernacle Christian School. I just don't know. I would miss the people that I love here, but all of them have lives that they could easily continue living without me. I'm not too big of a factor in any one of their lives right now, that's why I say that. I guess my biggest dream that i've been clinging to for a while now is that I meet someone down here that I fall in love with and can start a family of my own with. That way, I won't be short on sharing the love that I have festering in my heart. (And it really is 'festering' because I have no one to share it with, and it is only causing me heart-ache to have it just sitting there not being used) But at this point, I am really starting to doubt that that will ever happen. Nothing even remotely close has happened with any guy since I have lived in SoCal. Four million people live here (I guess that'd make it like 2 million guys or something), and I can't even find one?!?! NOT EVEN ONE OUT OF 2 MILLION?!?! It's a heartache that I can't begin to describe. I've tried to begin describing it, but I'm not eloquent with words, and so I fall way short.
Welp. Talking about it to my laptop ain't doing anything for the issue at hand. Guess I'm off to get the mundane errands of grocery shopping and laundry done...alone. :.(

Alright

2009-06-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

This may come as a shock to some of my readers, but I am a huge Country Music fan. I have been for a while now. Sure, it has been somewhat of an in the closet passion of mine because SO many people can't stand country. I have very few friends who actually enjoy Country music with me, but I have a special connection with the ones that do. To be able to share those heart-felt stories and melodies with someone is special. Especially when it is a song I would so relate to if I actually had someone special to sing it with. For now, I will just continue to fantasize that one day I will find someone who appreciates the love stories that so many Country songs convey and that we can sing at the top of our lungs in the car with each other. Like this one, for example, that I played so many times today, and then sung the rest of the day when I couldn't listen to at work:

Alright
by Darius Rucker

Alright, Alright
Yeah it's alright, alright

Don't need no five star reservations
I've got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine
Don't need no concert in the city
I've got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline
Ain't got no caviar no Dom Perignon
But as far as I can see, I've got everything I want

Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me

Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon
It may not be no French Riviera
But it's all the same to me as long as I've got you

It may be a simple life, but that's okay
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made

Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me

It's alright by me, yeah yeah
When I lay down at night I thank the Lord above
For giving me everything I ever could dream of

Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright, alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright, alright
And I've got all I need, yeah
I've got all I need
And it's alright by me
Oh yeah, it's alright by me

------------------------------------------------
I like to think of myself as easy to please, a simple person, and I just love this song because it gets right to the heart of that matter. That when you look at what's really important in life, it is just having someone to share it with. *Sigh* Hope I'm not sounding too pathetic lately on these blogs!!

Commiserating with Lonely People?

2009-06-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

I had dinner with a friend of mine tonight and the topic of dating came up. She was asking about my roomie and how long we've been roomies for (since September 2005) and then some questions about her fiancee, etc. The conversation then lead to where do/ should single lonely people go to meet other single lonely people? This was the exact question I have been asking for a solid year now. (And probably a question that every single lonely person asks close to everyday)(If there were an answer to it, there probably would be a lot less single, lonely people!) I told her this, and then I said that the only idea that I've come up with is to go to a singles' group at a church, seeing as I'm looking for a man who is in love with Christ. She said, well, yes, but if I were to do that, then I might wind up falling for a guy. This is where I was then confused as to what her position was. She sort of cleared up that she really is just wanting to 'commiserate with fellow lonely people'. This was a tad confusing to me. I guess my mindset right now is FIND THE ONE, FIND THE ONE!! and hers was not. Granted, she is 4 years younger than me, still in college, is really smart and super sweet- basically she has everything going for her. But her mindset, her desire is to REMAIN alone. She says that she is passionate about being alone&lonely. I have NEVER and probably will never enjoy lonliness. Why is it that some people would/could?! Is it selfishness? Laziness? My thoughts on love are that it isn't love unless it is given away. Hoarding love just doesn't work. I guess sometimes I see benefits to being single, but most of the time, I don't appreciate it like my friend claims to.
This past Saturday was our Pre-K's graduation. Four classes of 17 kids each graduated/ were promoted to Kindergarten. Very cute. In case I haven't expressed how much I love these kids, I absolutely love 95% of the kids in my class. We spend more waking hours a week with these kids than their parents do. We see their good and their bad with their fellow classmates. We know who sucks on their fingers at naptime and know who prefers ranch with their Pita chips. But that is not the point I was originally getting at, even though it does need to be mentioned every now and then. :) The point I was getting at was that for the graduation, my coworker, Mariana wanted to get me all fancied up. She kept saying, 'you never know when you will meet that someone special!'. So she hooked me up with a new hair style- bangs and highlights- and took me shopping for a new dress. I looked pretty good, I must say. I can't remember the last time I got that dressed up for any event outside of Senior Ball. Sure, I have become mostly a pessimist when it comes to actually meeting anyone who could potentially work out to be someone I talk to or talk to ever again... and so I went with mostly that attitude. Mariana kept saying 'there will be a lot of uncles there!' and while I wanted to brush that off, when I got to the event, there was one of the kids in my class with his family, and sure enough, there was a HOT uncle!! This kid, one of the cutest kids ever, is one of my faves in the class. He is the oldest in our class, and as such, he has a sharper sense of humor than a lot of the others. It was funny because the first thing my mind starts wandering off to is, hey! Evan would be my nephew if I were to be with his uncle! really? did I just jump to that place? Then i feel guilty for thinking of that when i have never (and still haven't) met the guy. Out of the blue today though, Evan was wearing a T-Shirt that this same uncle (Uncle Chris) gave him for his graduation. So he talked about his new shirt from this said uncle, and then he talked about his other uncle, too. The other thing that would be awesome (if I may continue in this theoretical daydream) is that Evan's mom, Tina (who is probably in her early 30's) is without a doubt one of the nicest mom's in our class(the only one who gave me and Amanda a hug on Saturday and said 'thank you so much for everything') would be my sister-in-law! (See, I went there again, and I feel weird, but whatevs) I couldn't stop thinking about all of these things today. Yes, I do feel a bit pathetic, but I really have no other potential candidates ANYWHERE around. I work with 24 other women. Therefore, hopes of finding someone in the workplace is OUT. Unless, one of the 24 women's husbands or fiancees or boyfriends have friends. That would be my only shot. But i have asked around some of the girls if their significant others would have any friends who would be interested in me, and i have yet to get a positive response out of any of them. Is this a good thing that they are doing the check-off list instead of the most-likely superficial, jerky guys? So should I be appreciative or incredibly depressed? Lately, it tends to lean towards the depressed aspect!
I swear, sometimes I wonder if I didn't have this job working with kids who are constantly giving me hugs, and kisses on the cheek, and wanting to sit in my lap, and that tell me that they love me often, I would be super depressed. Like so many days, I can't imagine going to a job and work without those happy things awaiting me. Even when my hours are getting cut this summer, I am so blessed to have the job that I do. I absolutely love it and can not imagine doing anything else.
I hope and pray that someday, I can have a child of my own to love. To be able to hug and squeeze and kiss a child that is my very own would be bliss. How amazing would that be to have a child that was created by your cell and the the seed of the person that you love more than any other in the entire world uniting together, have it grow inside of you for 9 months and be the product of half of you and half of your soulmate? I can almost imagine the intense bond that that would be! Sigh. oh how I long for it. I feel like my maternal desires have really kicked it up a notch lately for some reason. It could have something to do with the fact that I have no idea what's going on with my body (and don't have the money to afford to figure out what is wrong, either. My thought is to pretend that I am an illegal alien and then they can't deny me full health coverage!) but it probably is just some separation anxiety with my kids. I only have 3 more days with them all. It almost brings me to tears just thinking about it now.
Okay, gotta go, this blog has been quite personal and emotional!
That's how I roll!! haha

Worst Blogger Ever

2009-05-25T18:25:00.001-07:00

Yep, I think it can be made official now, I am the most unfaithful and overall the worst Blogger ever. I soak up several of my friends' blogs, enjoying the things they write about, without ever reciprocating and myself blogging. I think it has a lot to do with being self-concious of my lack of capabilities in verbal expression. I have always struggled with the issue of thinking so many things in my head, but not knowing how to express them in words. Thus, I feel inadequate in blogging a lot of the time. I could give a bunch of really lame excuses like I don't have the time, but that would be not true, seeing as I live alone 98% of the time, and don't have cable TV. A lot of the time I try to keep myself busy by either shopping (which I don't have money, so really isn't a smart idea- taking up blogging more would be a much more economical choice!!), going to the gym (a few evenings a week), or going over to someone's house (thank goodness I now have friends that invite me over occasionally!) Another lame excuse is that while I like to think I am good with computers, I'm not. I don't fully comprehend how to design my Blogger page, etc. But like I said, all lame excuses.

This extended weekend has been very nice. Restful, gorgeous, chill. I got to hang out with all of my good friends. Misty, Amanda, and Jenn at different points in the weekend. Saturday I ran some errands and then just kicked back and watched Sex and the City and made chicken quesadillas with Mist. Yesterday I went to my all time favorite church, Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, then to lunch at CPK with Brian and Amanda and to David's Bridal with just Amanda. Went to the gym, came home and watched "Taken" (which was a really good movie*) and then I fell asleep. Great day. Today, I woke up at 9:11 and realized, Oh Crap! I wanted to make it to the gym in time to take the 9:45 Pilates class. So I figured out that I had 15 minutes to get ready, and so I did it! However, I did not like the teacher of this Pilates class much at all. First of all, there was no music. I think my favorite part about Pilates is the calming music. Tuesday of last week was Enya- loved it! The Thursday night class with Julie (super nice and cute lady) has my favorite music-it has like oceanside sounds: waves crashing, seagulls crooning(isn't an obnoxious bird sound, it's like pretty, distant birds), and piano and violins. The best. She always says at the really difficult parts- 'we're just spending a day at the beach! Just a day at the beach!!' Haha. She is like half of the intensity of the mean, no music lady today. I was glad, as usual, that I'd went, it was just a really long, painful hour. We did a lot of stuff at plank (all fours) including a lot of push ups, and I felt like the only baby in there who couldn't do everything because my wrists were KILLING ME. I actually had to sit lots of the exercises out because it hurt my wrists so badly. Sad times. I never have that issue in the other classes, probably because they are more accomidating to less in shape people like myself. The daytime Pilates people are hardcore. They don't need music, they do a million reps of something to where you feel numb afterwards (the teacher even said, yeah, after doing these butt exercises, you may feel numb when moving yourself to the other side...) Umm, yep, she nailed it! I almost fell flat on my side when switching sides because the pain had transformed my muscle into a useless numb blob. Not sure if that is a good thing...
So after the Nazi Pilates, I went to return Amanda's "Taken" rental, and I noticed that Hollywood Video was having a huge sale on Previously-Viewed DVDs! (Really, the last thing I need to be doing is spending money on DVD's...but I saw a few that I'd been wanting for either $4 each, or $8 each.) So I bought 5 DVD's for $30. Six bucks per DVD is not bad. Especially for movies like "Slumdog Millionaire, Sex and the City, Pineapple Express, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall". I think my favorite purchase was "The Little Prince"- brand new for $5!!! I LOVED that movie growing up, and it's kinda been my thing in the past several years that if I see a movie on DVD that I watched on VHS when I was a kid, I buy it. My mom has gotten rid of a lot of my childhood movies on VHS and it is very depressing. Movies that I've loved that I probably won't see again! My biggest thing is that if I ever have kids, they will not get to experience the wonderful movies that I did. They just don't and probably won't make movies for kids the way they used to. So I was glad to find "The Little Prince" for five bucks.
Then I went home and sliced the delicious watermelon that Misty had given me the other half of the other day and as I was slicing it, got a text from Jenn that they were BBQing for lunch at noon, so to come over if I wanted to hang out. It was 11:40am. I was still in my gym clothes, unshowered. So I hurried and got ready then headed out to Jenn's on the other side of town. (I was able to bring the yummy watermelon, so I was glad I'd chosen to slice that baby when I did!) Basically just ate hot dogs and hung around at Jenn's. I see Jenn everyday, and I kinda feel like all we talk about (when there's talking) outside of work is just work. We watched Hancock and Valkyrie. I liked Hancock more than I did Valkyrie. Then I decided to head-out. It is ALWAYS a weird thing for me when to leave someone's house when they don't have any other plans (...and I don't have any other plans). I don't want to over-stay my welcome, but I don't want to seem like I wasn't enjoying hanging out and need to leave ASAP, either. It's a fine line. I kinda made up the excuse that I needed to get home to work on my laundry... which isn't a lie, I do need to do my laundry, but I wasn't actually planning on DOING my laundry. I face that issue all the time when hanging out with Misty, too. I want to stay as long as I can with her because 1)I love her, think she's great, lots of fun to be around and 2)I have no one and nothing awaiting me at my apartment but lonliness and quiet. I keep thinking I should enjoy it now, while I have it, because I will be moving in with 3 (sorta 4) other people, a dog, and two cats. There will probably NEVER be quiet. At least I'm expecting it to be like a mini-dorm in a way. (Just without the no drinking rules, the curfew rules, the pets, etc.) I am seriously considering getting a kitty of my own. I have wanted a cat for so long, but haven't been able to because I've either been in a dorm or a stupid apartment that doesn't allow pets. As soon as I say that though, I start thinking that pets, even just a cat, costs a lot of money. Food and litter are the least of my worries. Is that the majority of what it takes to own a cat? If so, then I'd be okay. My worry is that if something goes wrong with the pet, if it gets sick, or gets electrocuted, or claws it's own eyeball or something. Then what would I do? I couldn't afford it's vet bills. I'm torn. I guess I need some advice. Misty has offered me her two cats several times(the little 'shitmonsters' as she refers to them), and while I do like Max, her male kitty, he's really the only one I'd want. But his sister, Roxy, comes as a package deal. She isn't a mean cat or anything, she just isn't as personable as Max. And I wouldn't want TWO cats. For now, I'm really enjoying just loving on Misty's cats while she has to pay the money for them. Haha.
I am excited to be moving. Some things, not as excited about, like the 15 minute 'commute' to work- (I've just been so spoiled living 1.2 miles from my job) and the area just isn't as centrally located as downtown Valencia is. We're like 3 miles out of town, which isn't a huge deal, again, I've just been spoiled living a couple of minutes from anything I needed here in the middle of town.
I start to wonder how long I will be living in Jenn and Steve's place. I want nothing more than to meet someone, get engaged and move in with within a year or so. That would be my dream. Meet someone now, date them for a year, get engaged, and be out of Jenn and Steve's by late December 2010. Yeah, in my dreams. I have had ZERO luck with guys thus far, and I'm 24. Sure, it is still young, it is just a tad worrysome that at this age, I've never been in a serious relationship. It sucks, actually. I have struggled so much with this over the past year. (Since graduating college). I guess I always thought that someone would just appear either during college or shortly thereafter. And it didn't happen. Now, I don't even know where to meet single twenty-something guys. I figured since I'm not willing to comprimise having a Christian husband, that the best place to look for guys would be at a church. Well, I've been to a bunch of churches over the past year and haven't had much luck at all with meeting anyone. I know it would probably take more than a few visits to a church to actually meet someone, but none-the-less, I've lost almost all hope at this point. It's a depression I've been fighting off, but it is slowly taking its toll on me. It is winning. Apparently some people enjoy their singleness- I do not. I wonder if it is that much worse because I am 400 miles away from my family, and I hardly ever see them. I've seen them four times in the past year. Now that is depressing. I saw them last May for my graduation, in August for an end of summer- in between jobs visit, at Christmas, and my birthday in April. Three out of the four times, I had to drive up there. Which I guess is understandable, there's only one of me, and there's 4 of them. But it sucks. Single 24 year olds should at least have their family to fall back on since there isn't anyone else. Every single person I am close to right now is either married or is engaged to be married within the next year. It really makes me sick to think about that. That I have been left behind with love. That I have this big-heart that is a complete waste. I don't want to admit it, but I have been blaming God a lot for this pain that I face with lonliness. Why did he have to give me a tender heart that cares for people and then want me to be as alone as I am and single for as long as I have been? Am I missing something? Was I supposed to be a solo-missionary, or travel the world, or have a job where I work all the time? At least if one of those things were true, I'd feel like my life had a meaning. But, nope, here I am, an assistant Preschool teacher in a buttload of debt, alone 70% of my life. Okay, need to move on from this topic because the knot in my stomach is only getting worse.

Let's see, about the movie "Taken" (why i put the "*" above, so that i'd remember to talk about why I liked it). As traumatic and scary this movie was, (the thought of being kidnapped and forced into human trafficking is mortifying) (I actually got chills at several points during this movie) there was a story of a father's implacable love. When the dad who risked his life MANY times trying to rescue his daughter finally rescues her, immediately, the picture of God embracing each one of us came to mind. How we were lost, destitute, without hope, and God not only RISKED His life, He GAVE it, so that He could embrace us and dry our tears once again. I highly doubt that the person who wrote this movie intended to convey that, but it was a perfect picture of that to me. :)

Another reason that I think I decided to blog was because for some reason I do not want to write this letter to all of the parents in my class about celebrating Amanda's summer birthday in a week and a half. What is my problem?! Should not be a big deal at all... Then I also need to cook this ground turkey that I HAVE to cook tonight or else it needs to be thrown out. Then of course, there is cleaning that I realized when I got home this evening, I would live like a slob if it weren't for my roommate coming home every now and then. If I lived completely on my own, I would not clean my place! No reason to, as all of my friends are married and don't come over to my place- one of the biggest reasons being I don't have TV!!! Sad, but true story.

So guess I should go make an effort at doing the things that I've put off for the whole weekend. Enough procrastinating, as beneficial as blogging was. Still need to do those things.

Peace out!!

My job, aka "work"

2009-01-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Don't know if I have mentioned this much before (at least not on my blog because I am lame and just don't blog that often) but I love my job. I continue to grow in my love for it because the friendships that I have established just continue to get stronger. I am assisting my best friend (and roommate), which in itself rocks (cause I love the girl to death) and the 3 or 4 other good friends I have at work have become so dear to me within the past several months, that it pulls on my heart strings at the thought of one of them leaving. Today my friend Misty was talking about how she will not be able to afford to work at Sunshine if she were to get pregnant and have a baby. She really likes working at Sunshine (even though apparently there are people who think she is incompetent and are constantly black-balling her...lame-o) but she has been thinking lately about her future and her possible baby in the not-so-distant future, and how she will not be able to afford to take the best care of her baby without a larger salary. I will admit, it has been incredibly difficult for me, a single, not planning on getting pregnant woman working for the wage I am. It is such a blessing that my parents have offered to help me out as much as they can as I continue to look for a second job.
I never could've imagined having a job where there is as much comradery as there is at Sunshine. I am so blessed to have a job, especially one that I love as much as I do. :)
Even on crazy days like today where I was on edge with everything; the not paying attention, not listening, noise level, whining, fighting, potty accidents, injuries, etc., I still can't wait to return the next day. That may be a result of the fact that I am usually bored out of my mind living completely by myself without any TV when I don't have plans with anybody. My friend Jenn said she is now on a mission to help me find someone. I sure hope she is successful with her mission, because honestly, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to be alone for good when my roomie gets married in August. But yes. The highlight of my life currently is 17 Bears and 24 co-workers.

New Year and life

2009-01-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

First of all, Happy New Year to any and all of my readers! It has been quite a while since I've blogged, and while I'm sure I could come up with some elaborate excuse for not blogging since Election Day, I won't.
The holidays were nice, I really enjoyed spending a couple of days with my sister. She is 15, a sophomore in high school, and she starts driver's education in 2 weeks. Very surreal. She just had knee replacement surgery on December 5th, after tearing her ACL, MCL and PCL in a wakeboarding accident in July. She is a tough one. I have kept in touch with her lately about how her healing process is going, and she was in a lot of pain for several weeks. She is now walking on it, and should be back in the pool in 3 months. For those of you who don't know, my sister is an All-Star athlete. She wins every race she swims, and is a major asset to a swim team. She breaks pool records that are 20+ years old many times when she swims, and basically, this is her gift. When she fractured her knee/ tore her tendon, she was lost and confused for several months, not sure of how to cope. But, to my amazement, even in that situation she turned to a God that she does not know and looked for a greater purpose. She told me that she knows there must be some reason this happened to her, even if she can't see why now, she knows that God is in control. This brought me to tears. I am the only Christian in my family, and to hear my sister have this kind of faith blew me away. We haven't talked much about God and faith, but I know she knows I am here to talk whenever she is ready.

I wish at times that we lived closer to each other. 400 miles just takes a long time to travel. With gas prices at their lowest in a long time, it isn't even so much the cost as the 5 hours it takes to get there, and then the 5 hours it takes to get back. I really can't believe that she will be driving in a couple of weeks, and then on her own in 6 months. My little sister!! DRIVING?!!! It kind of scares me to death. One more major way that she, as the little daredevil, could be seriously hurt or killed. But I guess we can't live life in fear. God IS in control, and has protected me as well as many people I know from situations that could have killed us.
In cheerier news, my roommate, Amanda, got engaged on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008!!! Their wedding is planned for August 22nd, 2009 in San Luis Obispo. I am the Maid of Honor (MOH) and I really have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing as such. I know that I'm supposed to help Amanda with picking out dresses, and coordinating the other bridesmaid stuff, as well as planning the Bachlorette party and bridal shower. I guess mostly, I know my duties are aimed towards moral support for her. I hope I don't let her down!!
I am looking into getting a second job for several reasons, they are:
-I just found out today that my car has a leak in the water pump, and will cost $650 to replace, this coming two weeks after spending $400 on a new oil pan.
-I am lonely and bored a lot of days of my life- Saturdays are the worst. I usually wind up going and shopping- something I should NOT be doing on a tight budget! So, extra money for that would be nice.
-As the MOH, I need to buy my own dress and shoes for the wedding, as well as helping pay for the parties. Don't know where that money would come from.
-Just found out today that with the addition of my sister to my mom's car insurance policy, I will be getting the boot. That there's an extra 100 a month that I will need to find.
-I'm moving soon, due to my roommate getting married, and that takes money.
-I have $400/month student loan payments that my parents, who are already financially stretched, are having to help me pay for.
-The amount that I am making at Sunshine is currently frozen, with no hope for increase anywhere in the near future, thanks to the economy being in the state that it is.
-And then there's the kind of silly (but not seeming too silly when working at a preschool with ALL WOMEN) idea of finding a workplace with the hope of meeting a guy to date. Sure, I know the probability of meeting a Christian guy in the area is pretty slim, but hey, this is a new year. There is hope, right? Well, I hope there is hope, even for me.
So, there's like 8 reasons that I need another job. An ideal job would be evenings from like 7-10pm and weekends from like 2-10pm. A 30 hour a week part time job would really help, even at minimum wage. So I am praying like a mad person that something like that is possible and available in the area.

Regarding the moving situation, my friend at work, Misty, just got married and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with her husband. I mentioned the dillema that I would have to start looking for a room to rent in the area pretty soon, and she said several times, "move in with me, move in with me, move in with me!!" So, that made me happy. It made me feel very loved, for one, and she said that I would make an excellent roommate for several reasons. :) She said she would run the idea by her husband, and see what he said and then let me know Monday. I really hope that works out, because Misty really is one of the nicest people I know, she has already been such a good friend in the 4 months I have known her, it would make me really happy to live with her.

I think I have made the resolution to lose weight every year since I was 18, and sadly, every year since I was 18, I have only put on more weight. But, I can't keep gaining weight. A big motivation this year to lose at least some weight is the wedding in August. Another one of my resolutions this year is to figure out my health issues. I have several of them that I'm just not getting taken care of. I will be 24 this year, and I can't keep ignoring my body's issues. I'm almost a quarter of a century old! If I plan on living to a half of a century, I need to figure these things out now.
I bought 3 Biggest Loser DVDs today, and I am excited to be taking action. I bought a Biggest Loser "Boot Camp", and it actually has a 6 week program that you select on the menu, and throughout the 6 weeks, it gets increasingly harder. I really like these DVDs because they have a menu where you customize your workout to what you want to do. If you only have a half an hour, you select the 20 minute cardio, 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down. If you have longer, you can add 10 or 15 more minutes to the cardio. So it's not the same exact workout everytime, they vary a bit depending on what you want to do. I love the Biggest Loser (even though I've only seen parts of a couple episodes) because it is real life people that you see as very overweight, and you see all of the sweat and tears that are put into their workouts, and then you see their jumps for joy when it has paid off. You see the physical and emotional differences in these people, and it is so encouraging. Even in the DVD, they aren't all in excellent shape. They are doing their best, and you can see that, and it is just so encouraging for me to do the best with the mobility I have. Doing what I can will make a difference, even if it takes a while. I hope I have the endurance, perseverance and motivation to keep going over the next year to really take this body fat off! That's what a new year brings, right? Hope. I sure have some high hopes this year!

Anywho. I am kind of hesitant about driving my car tomorrow- every time I drive it I have to add coolant because with the water pump leaking, I guess it leaks coolant too, and so it needs it refilled. So, I only plan on driving to church and then home. (Hopefully hanging out with Jessica for a bit tomorrow because I was quite bored and lonely today).

I know there has been a lot of other things over the past few months that I have wanted to blog about, but have just been too lazy to sign on and take the time to blog. Hopefully I will keep up with blogging this year, too!

Here's a song I have loved over the years, but it really resonated with me this morning when I listened to it again:

The Only One
Caedmon's Call

I come from a long line of leavers
Out of the garden gate with an apple in their hands
I expect and I believe
You're gonna run out of love
You're gonna give me the shove
'Cause that's the thing that lovers do
Then there's you

You found me cynical and jaded
You lifted my mask and lightened me up
And when my black eyes have faded
I found they were not gouged
Had the coal in my mouth
I've never seen the old age new
And then there's you

You're the only one
Who knows my secrets
You're the only one
Still you're the only one
Who never leaves
And I wake up to this mystery

I betrayed you with a little kiss
I thought you'd find someone better
And you forgave me even for this
Came to the upper room
You dragged me from the tomb
There is none both good and true
Then there's you

Voting and....THE soundtrack

2008-11-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

So. I'm in a pickle. I want the Twilight Soundtrack REALLY bad. I woke up this morning at 7am and got to the polls at 8am. I waited in line for an hour, with an old man collapsing about 10 feet away from me. The paramedics came...pretty freaky. We were thinking it was just too much excitement for the old guy. Anyway, I left the polls at 9am and since I didn't have to be to work until 9:30, I rushed over to the local let-down of a Wal-Mart in hopes of actually finding the Twilight Soundtrack and buying it. But, alas, they did not have it. I left, depressed and wanting the soundtrack more than ever. The reason why I did not just buy it this morning on iTunes is because my version of iTunes is out of date, as well as the problems I have had with getting any music that I buy on iTunes to my Windows Media Player or my Zune application OR even burning a cd. I was weary of downloading the new version of iTunes because my computer is pretty much maxed out with memory left, and I didn't want to push it and have my computer crash. Also, walmart.com did not have the soundtrack last night. But now, upon checking, they do have it and for $9.44. Good deal! Only issue now is I kind of want the iTunes version because of the extra tracks that are apparently on it. AHHH! But it'd really stink if I bought it for however much on iTunes (after downloading iTunes 8) and then the only way I could listen to it would be on my computer. I have never successfully burned a cd from iTunes. So I kind of want to just buy it from walmart.com just to guarantee that I have it. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll make the decision and deal with the consequences.

At work today, the other teacher Jessica, discussed some politics stuff with her kids. Four year olds really have no concept of what political parties stand for, any of the issues at stake, nothing.

KT, Twilight, Halloween and HSM3

2008-11-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

This past Wednesday, October 29th, marked the four year anniversary of the Lord calling Katie Springer home through a traumatic means. Last year, on her three year anniversary, I had texted Cheree, Court, Ashley, Megan and Kim something about the date, and I only heard back from Megan. This year, I didn't even bother with the text. But I did post a facebook status quoting Job, "The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord". That song by Tree63, "Blessed Be", was a song that resonated deeply with all of us who knew Katie after her death. "Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering...My heart will CHOOSE to say, "Lord blessed be Your name"". That evening, because I posted that status, I did hear from Rachel Garcia. One of the five girls that I grew to know and love because of Katie's life and then death. Rachel was a big part of St. Mary's InterVarsity group, where I went a few times with Katie, and continued to be supported by after her passing. I miss those times of having close Christian friends just a 20 minute drive away...or shoot, even just a phone call away. I think about how much my life was changed by one young lady who loved the Lord. I wouldn't even consider myself to have been one of Katie's best friends, but the impact that her sudden death left on my life has been so dramatic. Who knows where I'd be if not for the Lord calling Katie home at that point in time. Maybe I'd still be living at home, not in debt, working at Tabernacle. Which actually, thinking about it now, that is exactly where I'd like to be... But at the same time, if I wouldn't have went to college, I would still be in the dark with so many things that I believe and know to be true now.

Anyway.

I bought the Twilight movie companion guide at Borders yesterday, and on page 113, it says that the dry, arid filming (that's supposed to be Phoenix, AZ) took place IN VALENCIA, CA!!!!!! THAT IS WHERE I LIVE!!!!! I am still in shock from discovering that. Sure, it is a small portion of the film, no doubt, and the people of the Northwest get ALL of the filming done there. I have just a fraction of what those people must feel, but I have it nonetheless!!! Woot woot, go Valencia!!!
I am so so so stoked for the movie to come out. I really want to see it at midnight on the 20th/21st, but I have some fears. First, that means I wouldn't be getting to bed until 2:30ish, which as a preschool teacher, I'm not sure is too responsible. Second, on that Friday, I may be leaving right after work to drive 5 hours up north for Bonnie's memorial...another reason being tired on that Friday may not be a good idea. Which if I am driving up north after work, that wipes out Friday evening for seeing the movie. However, if the memorial winds up being on the 14th, then potentially I could get tix when I get home from that for the 21st after work/night. But then, I am also worried about what time to get to the theater when I do see it. I definitely have to see it opening weekend...but if I am up north grieving with friends, is it rude to go catch a 2 hour movie? DILLEMA!!! Maybe if we left like midafternoon on Sunday, we (Megan and I) could see it when we got back to Valencia. And then she could head back down to Tustin when the movie was over. That could be a plan. It's frustrating not having a set plan in this case, because of the deep desire to see this movie ASAP. But it is also very difficult to plan someone's death/memorial. We are not the ones in control of how much longer she lives. Although, honestly, for Bonnie's suffering sake, I am praying that God alleviates her from the suffering in her broken down heap of a cancer-filled body. Cancer is so freakin' weird. Something that attacks and kills you from the inside.

Halloween was pretty uneventful, but a lot more fun than last year's. Last year, not only was I alone, but during the day, there was absolutely no Halloween festivities at the Y. (Lame-o Y) At Sunshine, we had a class parade, which is where all of the cute kids in their costumes get to walk around to all of the other classrooms in the school and trick-or-treat. It was fun. We got to carve a pumpkin on Thursday, and there were a lot of the kids who had never carved a pumpkin before! (Sad!) That was always a tradition in my house growing up, a few days before Halloween we would carve the pumpkins and put them on the front porch. But I guess that is not everybody's tradition, for even Amanda had never even carved a pumpkin and she is 23.
Strangely enough, I also did not have a single trick-or-treater come to my apartment door. I find that so bizarre, because I would think an apartment complex (townhome style, nonetheless!) would be an excellent place to go trick-or-treating. The maximum amount of doors to knock on in the least amount of time and with the least amount of walking/energy. Oh well. I didn't really have much candy anyway, just what I had been given from a generous Sunshine parent. I think over the past 5 days I've only eaten 4 pieces of candy. Which is kind of weird, but good at the same time.

Me and Amanda with our cute little bear class and our pumpkin.

And last, but not least, I saw High School Musical 3 yesterday. It was just as good as the previous two. It's funny seeing the similarities in the dancing throughout the movies. There was a basketball scene in this one that brought me right back to the first movie. The moves are cool, but I feel like they are the same ideas, just tweaked a little. The song that Troy has on his own- so full of angst and confusion was probably my favorite. I remember going through a phase just like that toward the end of high school. I couldn't decide which way to go in life. There were a lot of young adults/parents in the theater, and that is the great thing about these movies. If you're going into high school, are in high school, just out of high school, college, or even a parent reflecting back on high school, these are timeless feelings and issues. Sure, it is presented in a bubblegum sort of way, and with music (man, that would've been cool in real life) but the underlying themes are common uniters.

Life keeps on keepin' on. I wish someone I knew would invite me to their church. I miss church. I know I'm so lonely lately because I'm not connected anywhere. I'm praying for some sort of miracle with being reconnected into a church body.
Here's to hope!

Hospice

2008-10-24T21:12:00.001-07:00

My good friend Debra's mom was moved from the hospital that she has been unsuccessfully battling cancer with over the past month to a hospice yesterday evening. It is a new situation for me to comprehend because all of the people that I have known that have died have all been sudden deaths (2 car accidents and one in the War in Iraq). The idea that she could live anywhere from one more week to one more month is strange. When do I spend the money to go up and visit...now, when she's alive, or after, to attend the memorial, funeral and comfort my friend? It seems sad that I would choose to not go up and see her, but at the same time I want to be able to comfort Debra after her mom's passing. Also, I guess I'm leaning towards the memorial/funeral because my other close friends will be attending it and it will be a time of grief/closure for all of us. I hand wrote her a note, and for electronic back-up purposes, I'm posting it here. It is weird having to say goodbye to someone in a letter, and I never quite feel sufficient at writing, so here is what I got, from my heart:

Dear Bonnie,
It is hard for me to put into words/express how much everything you've done for me over the years means to me. If I could be there in person to give you a final farewell hug, I definitely would be. Know that I will be coming up to be there for Debra when the Lord calls you home. I can't imagine how torn you are with wanting to stay here on earth for Debra, but at the same time have put in more than your share of suffering and are ready to go home. Know that I have been praying for your strength as well as Debra's in this incredibly challenging time.
My memories take me back to when I first became good friends with Debra, when you lived on Satinwood Dr. and the day I got my first speeding ticket. You welcomed me into your home and helped calm me down, as well as helped me to figure out how and what to tell my Dad. Then, you allowed me to serve my 30 hours of community service by doing like 3 hours of library "work". That was sweet.
I think back to all of the coaching/counsel you gave me with all of my math issues, and how supportive and kind you were to me through a tough time of my parents divorcing.
I look back fondly upon the time when we cleaned/organized/decorated Debra's room in the house on Mossy Ct. for her return from Austrailia (was it?)...(some distant land).
Lots of my memories that involve Debra also include you, because being the amazing mom and person that you are, you were always there for her. That is one characteristic that I will not forget about you, how selfless, self-sacrificing, giving, and the overall servant-heart that you have. You have been there for me numerous times, and I know that you have touched the lives of SO MANY others in the professions that you have held.
These memories and the person you are will not be forgotten, and I just wanted to let you know of these truths, and thank you for them all.
You have been a special piece of my life's puzzle and I thank God for this, and for you.
This is not goodbye forever, just until the Lord decides to call me Home as well, and we will be praising the same Almighty Father whom is sovereign and knows exactly what He is doing. A God that can use pain and suffering for His perfect plan and for His glory. A God whom Himself suffered; bled and died on a cross so that we could be with HIm for eternity. He is risen, and so will we in Him, with perfect, heavenly bodies. I can not wait!! Praise the Lord that we have hope! That Jesus, come to Earth has conquered death.
So many times, Bonnie, you were like a second mother to me, and I will be forever grateful for all of the love, concern and care that you have shown me.
Take care in this winter of your life. Know that "for every season there is a time for every matter under Heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and that you are not alone.
I send my love in this envelope to you.
In Christ,
Jess

Pumpkin Patch field trip

2008-10-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Yep. It's true. Last Wednesday the Pre-K kids hopped on their first school bus and went on their very first field trip. I love being with kids when they do something for the first time. They really are clueless to how the world works, and when they learn something new, it is so neat to see their faces light up. We drove about ten miles from Sunshine and went to a place called Lombardi Ranch. The tour guide was a hoot. As she was giving our group the animal tour, she would ask what kinds of foods we got from the different animals. At the cow, she told them that this is where we get hamburgers, steak, and milk from. From the chicken, this is where we get chicken nuggets from. The pigs, bacon and sausage and porkchops...on and on with the animals. Now, we have tried to tell the kids these truths before and they look at us like we are the looniest people on earth. They even tell us how silly we are for thinking that. I still don't think they understand the whole process- luckily she spared them all of the gorey details, that could've been bad. So we get to the part about pollenation of vegetables, and she opens up the blossom of a flower and starts talking about the male and female anatomy of these plants. It's kind of funny, because the kids have absolutely no clue what she is talking about, but all of the teachers and parent helpers were kind of giggling about it. We got to go into a petting farm, and that was pretty funny. The kids were timid at first, because goats and sheep are not animals that are usually interacted with, and many of them probably had never even seen a living goat or sheep before. But then some of the boys found that they could kind of herd them by running around in circles. That had to be stopped quickly because the animals were getting all riled up and visions of Animal Farm came rushing back to mind. They loved it though. Some of them laughed a lot, some of them gave the goats hugs, it was memorable.
Good times at the Pumpkin Patch.

in other news

2008-10-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am starting to worry myself. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. Totally random, seeing as I have never been in a serious relationship and I'm still a virgin. I think I'm working myself up lately that I am going to be alone for my entire life. I have been trying out eHarmony for the past 2 months and have one more month left to go, and it has been completely unsuccessful. Which ticks me off because my roommate met her soulmate in one week of being on eHarmony. Me, I can't even get a guy to respond back to my first questions without them closing the match due to stupid reasons such as: "I don't feel the chemistry is there", "I think our family backgrounds are too different" and my vague favorite, "other". It really makes me lose faith that guys are not simply superficial jerks that only care about a woman with a nice body. It really doesn't help that I currently have no guy friends, the one guy friend I had just got married and moved to Nevada.

I have lost my passion for a lot of things in the past few years. Now that I'm on the other side of the college experience, I am freaking out about having to pay loans back. I keep fantisizing that I will win like $50,000 so that I can pay them all back right now and be able to have a life. Instead of the reality of being trapped, barely scraping by for the next 20 years. When I'm 43, I won't remember much from my college education, for it's only been 5 months since I graduated and I already don't remember so much. I'm worried that I will be regretting having taken out these monstrous loans to get a degree in something that really isn't that practical. While I wouldn't trade my college experience for anything at this point, I do wish that I didn't have the burden of debt weighing me down forever to come. But I should dream on. I need to be grateful that I am surviving at this point on my own, and if I have to go into deferrment for a while, that's what I have to do.

But, yeah. I still love pictures, I guess I feel that I'm just not adequately trained to use my new camera properly. I don't have much inspiration lately for picture taking. I get bored of taking pictures of the same things...flowers and lots of other naturey things...I would love to be able to take good pictures of people. That makes me happy. Mostly, I like sharing good pictures of people with the people the picture is of. Maybe I should work in a photo studio! One of my friends from high school who just had her firstborn, also owns her own photo studio/company. She has the life I want!! (Minus being a mormon). Some people just get it all. And others are sitting alone in their one bedroom apartment, heating up some leftover tamales, fearing that this is all life has for them. While I love my job, I don't have a life outside of it, and so weekends tend to be melancholy. My dad is supposed to be coming down to visit me next weekend, I sure hope that he follows through with that. He's been known to forget important dates before.

Anyway, guess I'll go and listen to my awesome Twilight Saga Mix music. Thanks again Maryann!!

new pics of my kids

2008-10-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

Wanted to post some pics of the kids and the fun happenings that have taken place recently in the bear class.

We made banana bread in the classroom- it was a hit!!

The future Mr. & Mrs. Evan Gregor

Lemon tasting knocked Madison onto her back

Precious Ethan and his monkey sleeping buddy

We ran out of cups throughout the entire school, so here we are watering the kids. They look like baby birds.

Evan, the smallest kid in the class, is also the oldest! Happy Birthday to the little man.

Dylan enjoying his cupcake

Alexander eating his cupcake

Fall Women's Event with Joni Eareckson Tada

2008-10-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

I went down to Grace Community Church this morning for the Fall Women's Event. The guest speaker was Joni (pronounced "Jonny") Eareckson Tada. She is such an amazing woman of God. She does a million times more than I do for the Kingdom of God, and she's been a quadrapeligic for 40 years. Her two sermons this morning were so encouraging and powerful.
The first one was titled "A Jewel in His Crown" verses given throughout the sermon were: Malachi 3:16, Zephaniah 3:19, 1 John 2, Jeremiah 32, 1 Peter 2:22, 1 Peter 4:1, Matthew 20, Luke 12, 1 Kings 6,
Zechariah 9:16- The LORD their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown.

-Trouble is the textbook which teaches you who you really are
-You can't be sinless as Christ was, but for us to be like Christ is to sin less.
-God doesn't want us to be the same. God wants us to change. It is a process of hammering and is a series of drastic obedience to become more like Christ.
-Jesus is worth it all. To share in Christ's suffering, daily taking up our crosses and putting our sin to death.
-God could be doing a thousand different things through your life at any given moment.
-You are not a pebble without a purpose.
-Make sure the pain and difficulties that you face have a purpose.
-God will wipe away our tears. (Joni said, "when I finally have new hands to wipe away my tears, I won't need them for that anymore because God will wipe away my tears.")

The second sermon was titled "Rescue the Perishing".
-Don't toast your fate. Turn from your ways and LIVE.
-Suffering is a splashful/ a spoonful of hell, come early. Suffering should make us stop and think about what life is about, what we have done with Jesus in our lives.
-Don't let awkwardness override the opportunities to share the gospel.
-We should not be 'come and see' churches, we must be 'go and tell' churches. The lost won't come to us, we must go to them.

Verses: John 5, Ezekiel 33, Philemon 6

There was a continental breakfast before the event started, and I was standing along a wall of this room, eating my delicious tea cake and pumpkin bread, when a lady (her name was Elanor) approached me, addressed me by name (thanks to the nametag on my chest) and asked if I'd come to the event alone. I said that I did, and so she offered for me to hang out with her and the friend that was with her, Vivian. I graciously accepted the offer, for it's sad being a complete loner at a church event. I chatted with them about where I'm from, how I found out about the event, where I graduated from (turns out Elanor completed a Business Managment program at TMC), where I work, etc. The three of us sat together in the worship center, and then had lunch together. It was nice getting to know a couple of older ladies. I gave Elanor my phone number so that she could find Vivian and I at lunch, and at the end of the event, she said she'd call me to check up on me. So sweet! This lady I'd just met would call me? She'd mentioned at one point in our conversation how we are family- in Christ. And that if I never saw her again here on Earth, that we'd see each other up in heaven.

The Grace Women's Gospel choir was introduced today, which was amazing, for clapping used to be frowned upon (possibly banned?) at Grace Community not that long ago. One of my wingmates from Master's, Emily Taylor, was one of the several faces I recognized in the choir. It was great seeing her up there. I miss having friends. After the event was over, I searched for her in the crowd of 1400 women, and found her with her good friend (and also my wingmate), Michelle Mullin. I gave Emily a hug, and started chatting with her about what we are up to post-TMC, and as usual, I didn't know what else to talk about, so I said that I wanted to say hi to Michelle too, Emily tapped Michelle, I gave her a hug, and that was about it. So, I said it was great to see them both, and I left. Not too bad for my first interaction with people outside of work since I graduated. Wow. That's like 4 months. I need to get back into church and regain some social skills so that I don't always feel awkward talking to people, and am able to keep a conversation going for longer than 2 minutes. I don't know if that will ever go away really, for I've always been kind of an awkward person, but it's gotten a lot worse over the past couple of years...for reasons I don't really want to discuss. At all. And that is the problem. Keeping things hidden sucks. I would like to think that one day I will get over the fear of opening up to people again, and will be able to grow and change and move forward, but who knows? Do I have that kind of courage? How do you regain/ gain courage? I had to gather up a lot of courage just to speak briefly to two old friends today. How much more to open up to people about my messy problems? Why do I feel like the church is full of judgment? That all too often churches hold up these facades that the people that go there are doing great- they don't have problems like I do. And I know that's where the devil uses his powers on us. Making us think we are all alone. I should know that I am not. It just takes courage to seek out others and share one another's burdens. I want so badly to live life with other people. Work is the only place I feel like I am doing that, and even then, it is not exactly community like a church is. It is not a body of believers that can lift one another up. Why do I know these things, and then when it comes to acting on going to church, I freak out because I think I'm going to have to open up and share with everyone? I realize that I have messed up and put up my own facade for too long, so maybe that's why I think that's what is still shown by others in the church.
As I looked throughout the crowd of 1400 women today, I tried to picture each one of them as broken, hurting sinners, all united by one common, comforting, redeeming Savior. I need to hear some stories/testimonies. To get to know people and know that I am not alone in living in this broken, fallen, hurting world in days that are evil. That we must fight a battle everyday to deny ourselves, to fight sin, and to fight the devil and his evil schemes. To share God's miraculous story of hope with this hurting world.

Rain is so refreshing. I love when the change in seasons is actually visible. I miss the rain and the cold. Mostly the cold. As a person who sweats a lot, the cold is a nice break from always having to be embarassed about the sweatiness. I can wear a nice zip-up sweater (great for covering up the way less than perfect bod) and then if I get too warm, just take the sweater off and don't have to worry about being sweaty! It's a wonderful thing, the cold.

It's been a great Saturday thus far. I wish I had events to go to every Saturday to keep me busy. It's really weird not having homework or required reading in October. It's nice, but I am so lonely and bored without school (...or a roommate.....or church...).

babies

2008-09-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

It will continue to take some getting used to that people my age are having babies. A girl I went to high school with got married about a year and a half ago, and she just had her first baby, a daughter. A friend that I grew up with (who is a year younger than I) had a baby a year ago. The brother of my best friend growing up (who is also a year younger than I) just had his second daughter with his girlfriend. He is 22 and has two daughters. Another family friend, whom is 3 years younger than I, her daughter just turned three!! I guess it really isn't that weird, seeing as my mom had me when she was 23, and it seems a decent age to start having kids. I wonder sometimes if I would be ready to have a baby. I work with 4 year olds, and there are a couple of moms that aren't that much older than me. I don't think many are over thirty, and that's not too far away from my current age. I love teaching and spending everyday with that group of kids. They love hugs and attention, which I enjoy giving them. They are ticklish, which is a great way to cheer them up if they are sad. So many things are still new to them, which I very much enjoy teaching them about things. They light up when something clicks with writing their name or a letter of the week. They don't hide their emotions or feelings, they act on them right away. If they are hurt or sad, they usually cry or get revenge. If they are happy or excited, they will make as much noise as they want; no reservations. All of these things and more are reasons that I wish sometimes I had the blessing of my own baby. I know I probably shouldn't be wishing for these things right now, because they're not even close to a possibility, but I really do hope that one day it would be.

My life

2008-09-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

I started my new job at Sunshine Childcare and Learning Center on August 11th. The first day of school was Wednesday, August 13th. Let's just say that I haven't been happier at a job in my whole life. I LOVE my job. I am an assistant preschool teacher at Sunshine with my roommate (and best friend) as the teacher of the Bear room. We have THE CUTEST bunch of kids in the whole site. (Maybe I'm biased, but I think that our group is the best behaved, too.)I brought home the class camera this evening and looking over the pictures almost brought tears to my eyes. I thought I'd post a few to share the joy that seventeen 4 year-olds can bring.

Kelsey's face. Priceless. (the girl in the pink dress)

Evan G and Dylan. Pure Joy.

Things are pretty tough right now for me, but I get up everyday and am so glad that I have a job where I get to go and teach and help these little ones that are so dear to me now. I have fallen in love with each one of them.

Jessa
Amanda
Kelsey
Madison
Carmela
Catelyn
Evan Gregor
Evan Frueh
Ethan
Jason
Jack
Jacob
Alex
Gage
Christian
Dylan
+Gunnar
= love.

Twilight Saga

2008-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

I really should have been blogging about Twilight and how much I am completely in love with the saga throughout reading the books instead of looking back over the series of four and trying to put into words how amazing they are. But, I didn't.

So... last night (exactly 12 hours ago!) I finished "Breaking Dawn". I laid in bed after finishing it, thinking back to 3.5 weeks ago when I started "Twilight" and I couldn't believe that now the story is over. It's like saying goodbye to close friends! I thought back to when Bella moved to Forks and was so clumsy and awkward at her new high school (well, not that awkward...) when she saw Edward for the first time in the cafeteria and the look of disgust he gave back to her. Then sitting next to him in Biology for the first time and him tensing up the whole time. How Bella used to get nauseous from the sight of blood. So many things changed in their lives! A totally unlikely couple falling so deeply in love with one another that they would rather cease to exist than to be apart from one another. *sigh*
I enjoyed how in the beginning so many things were left unanswered, but then slowly, more things became clear. It was one of the many reasons to read like a mad person. To have questions answered. And in the end, we know everything about the Cullens, each of their histories, and overall, how to be a vampire. Now, if we only could be! haha. There were points where I wondered if I'd rather be a vampire or a werewolf (though they are technically not "werewolves", they are shape-shifters that just happened to choose a wolf). I think that there are pros and cons to both, and I honestly don't think I could decide. Both vampire and wolf can run really fast. Both are close to indestructible. The wolves hunt only animals, and vampires are drawn to human blood- though as we see, it is possible for vampires to live on animal blood alone also. The wolves have to phase into their supernatural beings, vampires are always in their supernatural state. And most vampires have a special talent. That is a definite perk. Edward's talent is probably my favorite. Alice's and Bella's are useful too, but I think knowing what a person is thinking and getting the raw, honest answer would be the best. Too bad that these things won't ever happen...
Okay, one of my favorite scene/locations was the honeymoon on Esme island. SO ROMANTIC! All alone on a beautiful island surrounded by warm waters, aquatic life, hiking in jungles. And bow-chicka-bow-wow with Edward and Bella fitting together as one! She keeps the scenes very tasteful- but still intimate. What was up with having to wait for the cleaning people to show up for the feathers to be cleaned up? I guess when you're on your honeymoon you can just leave messes for days since there's the cleaning people anyway?
So I guess how it works with vampire procreation, is basically there are never any vampire children. The only way to create another vampire (outside of using a female human's organs) is to bite (or inject vampire venom) into an adult human only. So male vampires still have sperm apparently... what is the purpose of that? Whatever- won't question it too much, because Nessie is cute. Question about Nessie though- when she was first handed to Bella, it says that Nessie, with her milky white teeth, bit Bella. I thought that was what started the process of Bella's vampire transformation, and thought, oh! how perfect- her baby caused the process- how endearing! but apparently Nessie is not venomous. Because then Edward was injecting venom all over Bella's body. Little confused there.
I feel like I'm jumping all over the place with commenting on the books. So, guess I'll continue that trend...
In the end, I totally thought there was going to be a fight, and I really wanted the Volturi to die. I thought that Edward and Bella would both die while killing the Volturi. Sure, I have more of a sad ending than was needed. But I feel like the overbearing Volturi's dictatorship type thing was and is too much. Couldn't they have just talked with Edward and Carlisle over the phone or something before rounding up the whole vampire brigade and coming half way around the world? Maybe with being the supreme court of vampires they can't be lenient with how they handle things, so they have to go all out. Executing a vampire for making a mistake. Apparently, there is no room for mistakes. It was super brave of Irina to take responsibility for her misinterpretation- but geez, did they have to kill her on the spot? She was remorseful! I guess eventually, she probably could've tried something else for vengance, maybe it was just a matter of time, and so it might've been best that she was taken out for this first mistake. I was so revved up by the speech that Garrett gave, I thought maybe all of the vampires would've ganged up against the Volturi and taken them out! But, no. They all just retreated after their first offensive strategy was DENIED by Bella's amazing defensive!! Which is fine, I am glad that there was a happy ending for everyone, especially Edward, Bella and Charlie.
I am taking Maryann's advice and starting the series over...today. Yep. I figure it would be good to be fresh on Twilight before seeing the movie in -ugh- almost 3 more months!!! Seems like so long! I am sooo glad that they bumped the date up though! It could be almost 4 long months of waiting. I am worried that the beautiful story that I have in my head will not be conveyed on the screen. Already, I had not pictured Bella or Edward looking like the characters that are playing their parts. I guess it would be hard to get a human to look like the perfect, shimmering angel that Edward is described as. It will be interesting to see if they do any sort of special effects of his skin when in the sun. Like in the meadow scene when he reveals what he looks like to Bella. I hope so. It wouldn't be magical without that. And what about the supersonic running? They'll probably do something special effecty to get that represented accurately. I really can't wait. I don't think I've ever seen a movie at midnight -like the first showing- before, but I want to for Twilight so bad!!! I wish I knew someone close by that appreciated the series as much as I do so that we could go together to the showing. But, sadly, I don't. My roomie is not into the sci-fi scene (she can't stand Harry Potter either) and my closest friend other than her lives an hour and a half away! Not to mention, I bought her the book for her birthday, hoping that she would read it, and fall in love with it so that we could go and see the first showing together, but as far as I know, she hasn't started reading it. :( sad times. So, it's looking like I'll be going alone. Still doesn't take away the excitement I have!!!!
Anyway, kind of a random post with jumping all over the place- so if I think of things I forgot with the saga, I'll post again.
Thanks again Maryann, for recommending the saga to me and sharing in the obsession!

a realization

2008-05-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

As I was mentioning yesterday, the Y is a very difficult place to work. At least my site is. As I was (we were) discussing/venting with my coworkers today my (our)frustrations about the MANY problem children (they far out-number the better behaved children) I came to the realization that there would be so many less problems if the kids just LISTENED, especially listening the first time. They may hear me as I shout their name two, three, even four times sometimes, but they do not react. They are not listening. I find myself repeating a command at least three times about 95% of the time. It wears down on all of us to have to repeat ourselves because the kids completely intentionally ignore us most of the time. Our authority levels are next to nothing with them. The kids don't look up to us, they don't see us as elders that need to be respected (even if they are a rare child that respects their elders). So many of these kids do not know basic manners that they should have been learning from birth. I asked my coworkers today if maybe we should be the ones to sit them down and teach them the things, like manners, that their parents aren't teaching them. But I sorta got disagreed with with this comment. I don't think they want to take the time and effort to try to get the kids to sit quietly for 20 minutes several times a week to have these talks. And I don't really blame them. My coworker Paula constantly brings up the point that we don't get paid enough to deal with the amount of crap these kids deal us. I was in that exact same boat when I started working at the Y, and I still am. Shoot, I am planning on applying to work at Sunshine (another childcare that my roomie works for) this summer and starting working there in the Fall, mostly cause I'd be making $10.65 an hour as opposed to $8(minimum wage) at the Y. I know that it is still kids, and it still will be challenging, but at least there is a little compensation for the stress. It bites that I have to go through the whole pain-in-the-butt process of interviewing and getting settled at another job just for $2 more an hour, but it adds up. Especially when I am paying $600 a month for rent (will be going up in a few months), $3.95 for gas, $$$$ for food, student loans, and the list goes on and on. I don't feel like asking $11 an hour when I have my BACHELOR'S DEGREE is really asking that much. But, the Y is a "non-profit" organization, so their employees get the shaft. It's not fair. We would be so much more willing to put up with the crap if we had a few more dollars compensation per hour. (A 20 minute break would be nice too, but since we "signed away" our lunch hour to work here, I won't even dare think of that) I don't get why the Y doesn't get it. They have SUCH A HIGH TURN OVER RATE OF EMPLOYEES, you'd think eventually they'd clue in. Anyway, I'm realizing that this might be complaining... though I'd like to call it venting frustrations...which might be a nicer way of putting the same term. Well, it's not like many people read this, so I'm okay with logging this here. I could go on for hours with the unfortunate job I have, but I am glad to have a job. I'm not homeless. I have food available to me every meal. I am not hated at work. I can talk to people (even though I am a terrible witness for Jesus). I actually did get some encouragement from Haley today. She said I was "the best counselor ever". (I think it's cause yesterday I brought in some ceramic cat and dog figurines to paint, and today I had them all make paper airplanes). I'm pretty much out of ideas though, so my cool status won't remain forever. Garrett, Stephanie, Katie, Sandra, and Mariska were all brought up today and how much they were missed. Would I be missed when I'm gone? Probably not. I'm pretty mean, always having to yell to get them to quiet down, or calm down, or stop talking about the inappropriate topic, or to not swear, or to clean some mess up. I wish I encouraged them twice as much as I yelled at them to do something. It is EXTREMELY hard to do that though. I do thank the kids that eventually, after a lot of yelling, help clean up. I give them 'Y-bucks' so that on Fridays they can buy a prize. If we were given some sort of budget to buy prizes, I would buy a few really cool grand prizes that everyone would be trying to save up for. A lot of the older kids don't care about the chinsey little bouncey-balls and sticky-hands that the younger kids like. If I got an action figure set or some Naruto cards for the older boys to save up for and some sort of Bratz dolls or Littlest Pet Shop for the girls to save up for, that'd be awesome. Even though, honestly, most of them probably wouldn't even care then because they have any toy they could ever want. They have all of the video game systems, equipped with all of the video games. They are so darn spoiled, it's SO hard to impress or please them. They have had the best things provided at their word their whole lives. It is frustrating. Maybe if I was working in East or South L.A., then there could be motivation for kids who don't have anything. They do what they're told or they get busted. Then again, there would be a whole new set of problems. Sheesh. People are messy and have so many problems and issues, and it's sad that kids are messy too. Were kids of the 50's this messy? I don't remember being this messy in the late 80's/90's. I think I was 12 when I first started feeling overwhelmed with life, and all of the complications/obligations of life. These kids are 6-11 and I feel like they are dealing with things that I didn't have to at their age. I'm feeling too old and nostalgic now, so I'm gonna stop aging myself. Haha. Anyway...like I said, I could go on and on, but I need to write some papers.
Peace.

Always Working

2008-05-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

I hope that I'm not as big of a complainer as I'm starting to fear that I am. A lot of the time I will catch myself starting to complain about something that I shouldn't be complaining about (for example: work, classwork...yeah- that's the majority of what I complain about) and I try to look at the positive side of things. Like, wow, I am so blessed to have a job, period. Sure, I get headaches, and I will probably be deaf by the time I am 26, but at least I am working with kids. Every blue moon I feel like I am making a difference, while the rest of the time I feel like an underpaid, neglected babysitter. I start to wonder if it's just the Y that bites, but then I hear a parent say how appreciative of the staff and of the Y they are and it keeps me there another couple of weeks. I should be so grateful that I have a job because there are so many people who want jobs that can not get them. And regarding schoolwork, hey, I chose to put myself through this seemingly neverending pile of papers and books. I guess I just wish that I had a month off before having to write more papers with my online class quickly approaching. But no. I am paying an arm, a leg and my left kidney in order to "learn" about kids. I really don't feel like I need to know much more than what I've already learned with working with them. They are loud, rude, spoiled, sassy, stubborn --(*complaining alert!*)-- little things that need so much work. I guess I fear that if I don't like kids like I say I do/thought I did, then what will I do with my life? It scares the crap out of me to think that what I thought I loved, I really don't, cause I'm terrible with dealing with them. What am I good at? Hmmm...yeah...this is where I get scared. I have a B.A. (well, almost) in Biblical Studies

and since I don't want to be a teacher anymore, and I'm not going to be a pastor...I'm feeling like it was kind of a dumb choice to spend 3 years of my life spending incredible amounts of money just to make minimum wage at the Y. I could've done that right out of high school and not been in debt.
So, worries ensue. And I do know that worrying is not trusting God, and that complaining is not being content with what God has blessed me with, but these are the things that start going through my mind.
I've only been out of college for a week, and already I'm feeling the monotony of the adult working world. The work-week/ weekend ratio is out of balance. Why do we have 5 days of work and only 2 days of doing things we like to do? It should at least be 4 days of work and 3 days of fun. What's up with this system? We work to earn money so that we can spend the money to work so that we can earn the money to maybe go somewhere for a day and not think about work. It's a neverending cycle with very little fun. I guess the idea is to have a job where it doesn't feel like work. Where you look forward to getting back to work on Monday after a weekend of relaxing. I have yet to talk to someone who feels this way, but I'm told and I have a feeling those people are out there.
It would have been nice to have a week or two off after I graduated in order to finish up my D.S. course, to write thank-you notes for my graduation gifts, to learn how to use my extremely complex camera, maybe go camping or take a trip to one of the thousands of places I would like to visit. But no, I must work. I must be a responsible adult and pay the bills. I don't get to take a roadtrip cross-country, go to Vegas, or go to Italy or England or anywhere like that. And yes, I am a tad jealous of those college grads who get a butt-load of money and don't have a job and get to go spend their money in irresponsible ways. But I feel like that's not reality.
Money makes me sick sometimes. How people work their whole lives to get it, and no matter how much we have, we always want more. More stuff. More fun. More booze. More games. Life is about so much more!!! And I feel like it is SO easy to slip into the money-making life trap. I fear I am falling into that trap. I don't want my life to be like everyone else's life of simply making money to do stuff. I want my career to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. I want to share the gospel with people after I have established a caring relationship with them. I feel like that is the only reason for living, why we are still here on this earth. Only Jesus. I want Him to be all I'm living for. I don't want to care for money!! I want to care for and about people. AHHH so frustrating. How do I get there?! How do I do that?! What about my student loans?! GRRRRR
Anyway, I really don't want to complain. I want to look at what I do have, and while I wish how things are didn't frustrate me a lot, they do. :(

Almost There

2008-05-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

First, I need to start out by saying that I passed my Senior Competency exam! It is a long story of what happened this time around, and seeing as I sort of have lost a lot of motivation to study for my two finals that I have tomorrow, I will tell it.

So...Tuesday, April 22nd was Senior Test Day at Master's. For Bible majors, it is the day where you attempt to pour out 35+ pages of memorized information into a test that lasts 3 hours. I took the test (with a migrane due to the fact that I couldn't sleep the night before) and I felt like I did incredibly well. I got all of the bold questions right (which are essential for passing) and I felt like I answered all of the other questions accurately and in depth. Sure, I had some verse numbers wrong, but otherwise, I felt great. I couldn't wait to get my results back. By Wednesday, I was hearing from some Bible majors with different advisors than mine, that their advisor had told them that they passed. On Friday, I'd heard that a guy who has the same advisor as me had passed. I was jealous, and starting to get nervous. I had to endure the weekend in the dark of not knowing, and it was frustrating. So Monday, I went with my friend Jarod into the Bible department because we both still hadn't heard anything from our advisor yet. We go down to his office, and Jarod steps in and asks "I was just wondering if I'd passed Sr. Comp?" and our advisor is all, "Yeah, from my end you did, I just passed the info on to the Dept. Head." Okay, so I poke my head in and ask if I did, and he hesitates and says "Um, I'm not sure, you're going to have to check with the Dept. Head." So now I'm really nervous. Why wouldn't he have said yes to me too? So we go to the secretary and asked if she had the notices, and she did, they hadn't been put in the campus mail yet today. She asks for our names, sorts through them and hands them to me and Jarod.
Jarod passed.
I didn't.
Again. I felt sick. Similar to the feeling that I'd felt when I realized I'd messed up the bold question last semester. Except this was worse. I was to be graduating in 2 weeks. So, I went outside and started crying. I called my roommate and told her the news, and then I decided I had to talk to the Dept. Head and try and explain how hard I worked and that this was not fair at all. Jarod gave me a big hug, and then I had to go and take an Ethics test. I took the test, crying the whole time, and I left right after it. (Amazingly I got a B on that test!). We waited for the Dept. Head (Halstead) for about an hour, and I was trying to make conversation with Jarod even though I just felt like crying and pretty much dying. Halstead finally shows up and I ask if I can talk with him really quick, and he had about 10 minutes before his next appointment, so he was able to. I go in his office, trying not to cry, unsuccessfully, and tell him how much I studied and I don't feel like even if I were to take the test again in November I would be able to pass it. Basically, I didn't get as merciful of a response as I was hoping for, but he told me to talk to my advisor. So I left his office and had to get to work. Got to work, crying, and everyone was really empathetic. Hugs all around. I was able to call Behle and I left a message for him about not passing, etc. I left my email address for him to get back to me the quickest, and when I got home from work he'd emailed me with a tentative plan of what the next step was. Last Wednesday rolls around and it's the Baccalaureate Chapel. Behle won teacher of the year, so I went up and shook his hand and he said, "Oh Jessica, this is what we're going to do...I talked to Halstead and we've decided we're going to let you write a five page paper on one of the questions from the test that you missed and turn it in in a week." I was so thrilled! God really does work in mysterious, gracious ways. So I wrote the paper this past Saturday, and handed it in to Behle yesterday. Today when I went to campus to turn in my English Literature final paper and journals, I went to go sell back my books. After getting $32, I checked my campus mailbox and inside was THE LETTER!!! The letter that finally said "Congratulations" as opposed to the previous two that have said "I'm sorry to inform you that..." I was smiling from ear to ear for like an hour afterwards as I called my roomie, her mom, my mom, and my grandma.
Now, here I am, needing to study for my Ethics and Church Planting finals and I really don't want to. I'll study a bit soon, and do my best with the info. I have.
I am really speechless in terms of the amount of grace that has been shown to me, really throughout my entire life, but especially the past two years at Master's. What a blessing it's been to have been able to go to a small Christian school where they really do care about me as an individual with individual needs. These past two years have been more challenging than I ever could have imagined. From a year of struggling through Hebrew and a year of struggling through Senior Comp., I really feel like I have been stretched, and I am so confident in my God that has pulled me through it all. I wish that I could articulate how thankful I am for His goodness to me, but I will always fall short there.
Graduation will truly be that much sweeter because of this additional trial I have had to go through. I am grateful for the opportunity to have written a 5 page paper on the life of Paul- he was truly an amazing witness for our Almighty Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

All glory be to HIM!!!

And now...

2008-04-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

Senioritis is really bad. I only have a few more things left to do until I'm done, but I can't seem to muster up the motivation to do them. The list includes: An 8-10 page research paper for Biblical Method of Missions. Can be on just about anything within missions and reaching any sort of people group. My presentation is in a week, and I plan on working on the paper...ummm...Friday night? Yeah...Friday night. I'm a loser like that and never have any Friday night plans anyway, so I guess that will be the night that I'll need to dig REALLY deep for motivation. The next thing is a 5 page research paper for English Literature. There is a list of topics that I can choose from, and since I'm not creative (especially in matters of literature), I'll most likely be doing that. That is due Wednesday, May 7th. (two weeks from today). Also on that day, I have ten 100-word journal entries on ten class lectures/ things that spurred my interest. Should be pretty easy, and yes, this is one of those projects that the Prof. encourages you to work on throughout the semester so that you aren't cramming ten sloppy entries into one evening/night, but I've never been able to remain that self-disciplined with those "semester-long" projects. So I plan on doing those on Monday, May 3rd and if need be 5/4. And really, that's about it. I have an Ethics test this Monday coming up, and then I have 3 finals all on Wednesday, 5/7 all back to back. Seniors are exempt from taking the OT final which would be on Monday, 5/5- OH YEAH! I was hoping for maybe ONE less final, but hey, I'm not complaining, at least I got one final cancelled in honor of my Seniority. And then, I have an ENTIRE Directed Studies course to complete by May 31st. It's a LOT of work. Nothing too treacherous, just lots to do. I really wish that along with graduation came no more homework/schoolwork, but unfortunately, not for me. :(

I am also going mad/crazy with finding out if I passed Senior Comp. or not. I wouldn't be so crazy if it weren't for a girl in my class today telling me that her advisor graded hers and she PASSED! She said that my advisor was known for grading them fast too, which I sorta knew, but for me, I thought fast was like 4 days- not THE NEXT DAY!!! So, I was a tad jealous of her and so after class I sped over to the Student Center to see if I had a slip in my mailbox with my results- and there wasn't. I then scurried over to the library to check my Master's email, and there wasn't anything from Behle there either. I didn't sleep well last night AT ALL, mostly because I was panicking that I might not have passed. The doubt just keeps creeping in- which is bad, I know, but seeing as this determines if I get my diploma in a few weeks or not- it is sorta a big deal.

So now, I continue to wait. As God is constantly pushing the patience button in life. But I also continue to trust that God is sovereign and God is good. My life verse rings true, even today: "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28)

One of the main messages of the Book of Psalms is of trust.

May I TRUST that God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He is God, and I am not (thank God!) May His WILL be done here, in my life, as He has orchastrated in heaven.

Psalm

2008-04-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

K-LOVE sent me this verse today, and it truly was encouraging:

I waited patiently for the LORD to

HELP ME

and He turned to me and

HEARD MY CRY.

-Psalm 40:1

I think amongst trying to memorize all of this Biblical information, I forget how precious the Word of God is for my soul.

Praise be to God for His Word that does not fail us!

comments on previous post

2008-04-17T19:54:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd post the entire packet (minus about 60 theology definitions) of information here for several reasons: to have backed everything up on the internet in case my computer melts down, for nostalgia and/or posterity, to alert others to the incredible challenge it is to memorize 5 full questions (One from OT, one from NT, two from Systematic Theology and one unknown (out of the five)emphasis)out of the vast amount of information, and pretty much memorize everything else because in addition to having to get the 5 "bold" questions completely correct, I have to get a 70% on the 15 (out of 35) (picked at random) of the questions asked.
It is lucrative.
Apparently people pass it though.
I studied 100+ hours for this test last semester, ditching school for an entire week and I failed the test. This semester I have studied about 30 hours, and will be putting in about another 20+ hours this weekend and Monday. The test is Tuesday. I'm so scared. I want so badly to pass this test. I hate that my diploma counts on passing this test. If I don't pass, I have go back to Master's in the fall and take it again. I don't even want to think about that at all.

Livin' on a prayer!

All of Senior Comp- 34 pages

2008-04-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

Old Testament
1. Give both biblical and extra-biblical support for a young earth and a 24 hour day creation view.
Biblical:
-The dates in the Bible add up to about 6,000 years
-Gen. 1:5, 8, 13, 19, 23, 31
-God calling the light Day and the darkness Night. He said there was evening and morning for one day, and then 5 more evenings and mornings.
-Gen. 2:2
-God rested on the 7th day
-The key word, YOM
-It can refer to a 24-hour day, year, season or undefined length of time
-However, whenever a number and “YOM” is used in the OT, it always refers to a literal 24-hour day
-Exodus 20:9-11
-Six days of work and rest on the seventh
-If the creation days were not literal, 24-hour days this passage wouldn’t make any sense

Extra-biblical:
-Carbon-14 Dating
-Cosmic rays bombard the upper atmosphere which create chemical reactions, producing carbon 14 in living things
-There is a steady loss by decay so that the amount of C-14 in a dead animal shows how long it has been dead.
-Every sample of coal, wood, or bone that has been tested for C-14 content (even if retrieved from rocks supposedly “millions of years old”) always contains a measurable amount of Carbon-14
-Helium
-Radioactive elements generate helium as they decay
-Helium is not light enough to escape the Earth’s gravity and will therefore accumulate over time
-If such decay took place for “billions of years”, much helium should have found its way into the Earth’s atmosphere
-Taking that loss into account, the atmosphere today has only .05% of the amount of helium it would have accumulated in 5 billion years
-The Winding Up Dilemma
-Stars within galaxies rotate about the galactic center with different speeds, the inner ones rotating faster than the outer ones
-The observed rotation speeds are so fast that if our galaxy were even millions of years old, it would be a featureless disc of starts instead of its present spiral shape
-Deterioration of the Earth’s Magnetic Field
-The Earth’s magnetic field is converting its dipole energy to non-dipole energy
-There were rapid polar reversals during the Genesis Flood
-Today’s energy decay rate is so high that the magnetic field couldn’t be more than a few dozen millennia old
2. Give support for a universal flood: arguments pro and con.
Pro:
-Depth
-Genesis 7:19-20 says that the water was so high that it even covered the high mountains under the entire heavens
-This wording indicates a planetary flood.
-Water that is higher than the mountains is not contained locally
-The amount of water above the mountains and the draught of the Ark also support a global flood
-Strata and Fossils
-It has been shown that strata is formed during one huge event (such as Mt. St. Helens and the Little Grand Canyon) that happened quickly
-A global flood is the only thing that gives an explanation for mass graveyards of marine and other animal life. Thousands of animals were fossilized together. Also, many marine fossils have been found at the tops of mountains.
-Animals on the Ark
-If the flood were local, animals would have easily been able to migrate to an unaffected region, especially the birds
-All the animals were put on the Ark to preserve the various species from complete extinction
-Destruction of All Mankind
-The Flood destroyed all mankind except for Noah and his family (Gen. 7:4, 23)
-New Testament writers and Jesus confirm this (Luke 17:26-27, 1 Peter 3:20, 2 Peter 2:5)
-Other Flood Accounts
-In almost every culture there is a myth or legend about a flood that covered the earth long ago
-Myths usually originated from an actual event
-John Morris has compiled statistical data on these various flood accounts

Con:
-Universal Language is Not Literal
-Many times the context shows that “kol eretz” (the whole earth) refers only to a local area
-Kol eretz also refers to a group of people, not a geographic region
-Kol eretz is translated as the whole earth only 40 of the 205 times in the OT
-If it was global, a word like Tebel (used 37 times in OT and refers to the whole earth each time) should have been used
-Where did all of the water go?
-A global flood makes it impossible for water to recede anywhere
-A local flood would allow the water to recede back into the oceans
-GISP2 Ice Core
-A huge ice core in Greenland identified by Paul Seely
-Within the first 110,000 annual layers there is no evidence for a global flood; this would come from a large saline melted layer but no such layer exists

3. Give biblical support for the unconditional nature of the Abrahamic Covenant.
-Passages: Genesis 12, 15, 17, 22:16-18, 26:4-5; Jeremiah 31:31-38; Isaiah 51:2 (“I Will” statements); Hebrews 6:13-20; Rom. 4:13; Gal. 3

-Definition of the Abrahamic Covenant
-a covenant made between God and Abraham
-3 promises were made: land, seed, universal blessing

-Main points:
-In Genesis 15 when the covenant is established, it is God that walks through the animals, therefore binding the promise upon Himself and not anyone else
-It is solely upon God’s faithfulness which makes it unconditional
-In the passages when God speaks about the covenant to Abraham, He takes possession of it by showing the promise to be fulfilled by Him, and that it is not conditional upon the descendants of Abraham
-In Gen. 12-17, the terms “I will” or “my covenant” are used over 20 times when speaking of the covenant
-Even though the people of the covenanting were unfaithful and broke the covenant, God promised that as long as the created elements continue to exist, He will be faithful (Jer. 31:31-38)

4. Define the Documentary Hypothesis (authorship of the Pentateuch).

-It is a theory concerning the authorship of the Pentateuch (the five books of Moses) which divides these five books into four separate documents.
-Popularized by Julius Wellhausen in mid to late 19th century
-Theory sprang from a rationalistic train of thought that says that Israel’s history moved gradually from polytheism to monotheism, instead of by God intervening in the lives of the patriarchs and creating for Himself a special people
-Reasons for the four divisions
-Different names used to identify God
-Differing literary styles in parts of the Pentateuch
-The four supposed documents are identified by the letters JEPD, which reflect the characteristics of the different authors styles
-J= the YHWHist section; this is how God is referred to in these passages
-E= the Elohist; God is referred to as El Shaddai, El Elyon, Elohim, etc.
-P= the Priestly; based on the organization of the Hebrew’s religious practice
-D= The Deuteronomist; deals with the supposed period of Israel’s history where they are under the system of curses and blessing summarized in Deut. 28

5. Give the history of ancient Israel from Abraham to Nehemiah, including major dates and a chronology of the prophetic books.

Prophetic Books (B.C. for all dates)
Obidiah- 850-840
Joel- 830-810
Jonah- 760
Amos- 760
Hosea- 755-725
Isaiah- 740-700
Micah- 737-690
Nahum- 630
Zephaniah- 625
Jeremiah- 627-580
Habakkuk- 607
Daniel- 605-530
Ezekiel- 593-570
Haggai- 520-505
Zechariah- 521
Malachi- 450

History of Ancient Israel (B.C. for all dates)
Patriarchs: 2166-1867; Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua
Exodus: 1446-1406; (same as above)
Conquest: 1406-1399; (same as above)

Judges: 1390-1018; Deborah & Barak, Gideon, Samson, Samuel

Kings: 1011-931; Saul, David, Solomon
(United Kingdom)

Samuel anointed David king: 1029
David escapes Saul: 1020-1011
David becomes king: 1011

Divided Kingdom, Kings:
Jeroboam I: 930-909
Omri: 885-874
Ahab: 874-853
Jehu: 841-814
Jeroboam II: 793-753

Prophets:
Elijah: 874-850
Elisha: 850-798

Assyria officially defeats Israel: 722
Sennacherib invades Judah but is defeated by the angel of the Lord: 701

Judah, Kings:
Rehoboam: 930-913
Uzziah: 792-740
Hezekiah: 729-686
Manasseh: 697-642
Josiah: 640-609
Zedekiah: 597-586

Babylonians conquer Judah and destroyed Jerusalem and Temple: 586
Cyrus takes over Persia: 550
Persia conquers Babylon and rules Israel: 536-331

Esther: 480-474
Ezra: 458-456
Nehemiah: 445-433

6. Give a general outline of the following books:
Genesis:
-Primeval history (1-11)
-The Creation (1-2)
-The fall (3-5)
-The judgment of the flood (6-9)
-The judgment on the Tower of Babel (10-11)
-Patriarchal history (12-50)
-Life of Abraham (12-25)
-Life of Isaac (25-26)
-Life of Jacob (27-36)
-Life of Joseph (37-50)
Daniel:
-Introduction (1)
-Nebuchadnezzar conquers Judah
-Daniel and companions deported to serve the king, refuse king’s choice meal, and chosen for royal service
Prophetic History of the Gentiles (2-7)
-Nebuchadnezzar’s dream of tiered statue: God’s program for Gentiles (2)
-Persecution of Hebrew youths in fiery furnace (3)
-Nebuchadnezzar’s experience of God’s sovereign rule as a beast (4)
-Belshazzar’s overthrow (5)
-Daniel in the lion’s den (6)
-Daniel’s vision of God’s program for Gentiles (7)
Prophetic History of Israel (8-12)
-Daniel’s vision of a ram and goat: latter times of Gentile rule (8)
-Prophetic plan for Israel’s future in 70 weeks (9)
-Daniel’s vision of Israel’s future (10-12)

7. Be able to identify the book and chapter(s) in which each of the following are found:
-The fall of man: Genesis 3
-The Noahic flood: Genesis 6-8
-The Tower of Babel: Genesis 11
-The birth of Isaac: Genesis 21
-The Abrahamic covenant- Genesis 15
-Sodom and Gomorrah: Genesis 19
-Abraham offering up Isaac on Mt. Moriah: Genesis 22
-Joseph sold into slavery- Genesis 37
-The sin of Nadab and Abihu- Leviticus 10
-Day of Atonement- Leviticus 16, 32
-The three pilgrimage festivals- Leviticus 23
-The birth of Moses- Exodus 2
-The crossing of the Red Sea: Exodus 14
-The Ten Commandments: Exodus 20
-The birth of Samuel- 1st Samuel 1
-Israel’s demand for a king- 1st Samuel 8
-The rejection of Saul- 1st Samuel 15
-Saul and the witch at Endor- 1st Samuel 28
-David and Bathsheba- 2nd Samuel 11-12
-The revolt of the Northern Tribes- 1st Kings 12
-Hezekiah and Sennacherib- 2nd Kings 18-19
-Destruction of the Northern Kingdom : 2nd Kings 17
-Balaam oracles- Numbers 22-24
-Valley of Dry Bones- Ezekiel 37
-Gog and Magog- Ezekiel 38-39
-Decree of Cyrus to repatriate the Jews- Ezra 1
-Golden Calf incident- Exodus 32
-The 12 spies bring an evil report: Numbers 13
-The “shema” of Israel: Deuteronomy 6
-Fall of Jericho- Joshua 6
-The covenant renewal at Ebal-Gerazim- Joshua 8
-Samson and Delilah- Judges 16
-Death of Eli and capture of the Ark- 1st Samuel 4
-The selection of Saul by Lot- 1st Samuel 10
-David and Goliath- 1st Samuel 17
-Davidic Covenant- 2nd Samuel 7
-The accession of Solomon- 1st Kings 1
-Elijah destroying the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel- 1st Kings 18
-The destruction of the Southern Kingdom- 2nd Kings 25
-Promise of the New Covenant- Jeremiah 31
-God’s glory departing from the Temple- Ezekiel 10
-Millennial Temple- Ezekiel 40-42

8. Describe the basic geographical regions of the land of Israel.

WestEast Directionally:
Coastal PlainShephelahHill CountryJudean WildernessJordan Rift ValleyTrans Jordan

Coastal Plain: Along the Mediterranean Sea. The International Coastal Highway ran through the coastal plain.

Shephelah: The foothills; was a strategic area which created a buffer zone between Israel and the Philistines

Hill Country: Has large hills and contains such cities as Bethlehem and Jerusalem. Central Benjamin Plateau ran through here and served as a buffer zone between Ephraim and Judah in the OT.

Judean Wilderness: wilderness leading to the Dead Sea. This was the area Jesus went to when He fasted in the wilderness for 40 days.

Jordan Rift Valley: Valley around the Jordan River which is the eastern border of Israel. It extends from the Sea of Galilee to the Dead Sea. It is through the Rift Valley that the Israelites entered the Promised Land.

Trans Jordan: East of the Jordan River, where countries such as Ammon, Gilead, Moab, and Edom were located. This is where the King’s Highway ran.

North South Directionally:
Golan HeightsGalileeSamariaJudahNegev

Golan Heights: Area to the north east of the Sea of Galilee

Galilee: Area to the north west of the Sea of Galilee. Broken up into four sections (Upper West, Upper East, Lower West, Lower East) The bulk of Jesus’ life and ministry were here

Samaria: Samaritans lived here, and Jesus ministered to a woman in Sychar. A strategic and well-protected city that withstood a 3-year Assyrian siege.

Judah: Contained cities such as Jerusalem, Bethlehem and Hebron. The Central Benjamin Plateau ran through here.

Negev: Mostly desert, but contained important cities like Beersheba, Arad, and Eliat.

9. Be able to briefly identify the following individuals:
1. Cain- Adam and Eve’s first born, committed first murder/violent sin
2. Abel- Adam and Eve’s second born, brother of Cain, his offering was accepted and was murdered by Cain
3. Enoch- taken to heaven without first having died, his son was Methuselah and he was an ancestor of Noah
4. Shem- son of Noah, passenger on the ark during the flood, covered Noah while he was naked and received a blessing
5. Abraham- formerly Abram, but changed by God to Abraham, father of Judaism- Jesus came from his lineage, followed God in faith, left Ur and settled in Canaan, God promised to make him into the nation of Israel, barren wife, Sarah, give birth to Isaac, God told him to sacrifice Isaac, and in faith Abraham was going to, but God spared Isaac
6. Lot- nephew of Abraham, followed him to Canaan, parted ways with Abraham and moved to Sodom, was delivered before its destruction by God
7. Sarah- originally Sarai, but changed by God, unable to have children, God miraculously allowed her to have a son, Isaac, Abraham’s half-sister and wife
8. Isaac- son of Abraham and Sarah, his sacrifice was used to test Abraham’s faith, Rebekah was his wife, sons were Jacob and Esau
9. Esau- firstborn son of Isaac, sold his birthright to his brother for a bowl of soup, later his blessing was stolen from him by his brother
10. Rebekah- wife of Isaac, found by Abraham’s servant through offering him a drink from the well, later deceived her husband through helping her son Jacob steal his brother’s birthright
11. Jacob- had 12 sons, each a tribe of Israel, 2nd son of Isaac and Rebekah, deceived his brother and stole his birthright, after this, he fled to Uncle Laban and married his daughters Leah and Rachel, wrestled with God, name changed to Israel
12. Aaron- brother of Moses, first high priest of the nation of Israel, voice of Moses publicly, especially with Pharaoh, consented and participated in making a golden calf for the people to worship, still allowed to be High Priest, family was to be in the priestly occupation, carried Ark of the Covenant
13. Balaam- false prophet, intended to curse the children of Israel, but God used it to bless them, paid by Balak, King of Moab, his talking donkey saved his life
14. Achan- sinned by taking gold, silver, etc. from the conquered city of Jericho, as a result, Israel was defeated in a battle with the city of Ai, once discovered, he and his family were stoned to death
15. Belshazzar- King of Babylon, God warned him by a finger writing on the wall, warning was about the end of the Babylonian kingdom
16. Jehu- general of Israel, later became king, responsible for the elimination of the descendants of the evil king Ahab
17. Hannah- barren woman, promised God her child if He gave her one, gave birth to Samuel the prophet and devoted him to God
18. Saul- first King of Israel, brought David to prominence and then tried to kill him, lost his kingship because of his lack of faith in God, through offering his own sacrifice and his disobedience in not totally destroying the people who he was to conquer
19. Jonathan- best friend and confidant of David, father was Saul, helped David escape when Saul wanted to kill him, he ate food after his father declared a fast
20. Joab- general in army of Israel under King David, later was killed under the wishes of David by Solomon
21. Absalom- usurper of his father (David’s) throne, died in battle at the hands of Joab
22. Gideon- judge, w/only 300 men, God called him to defeat the Midianites and successfully did so
23. Rehoboam- Solomon’s son, followed the advice of his friends, dealt harshly with the people of Israel, which led to the division of the kingdom of Israel
24. Elijah- prophet during reign of Ahab, known for standoff on Mt. Carmel between God and Baal where God prevailed, taken to heaven before dying, King Ahab and wife Jezebel persecuted him
25. Job- very prosperous man, with God’s consent, Satan attacked him and Job lost all of his wealth and children, he never stopped following God and was rewarded by having his possessions restored.
26. Joseph- 1 of 12 children of Jacob, brothers despised him and sold him into slavery, God blessed him and he was elevated to 2nd in command in Egypt, saved his family by providing food for them during a famine
27. Miriam- Moses’ sister, turned against Moses’ leadership and was plagued with leprosy for a time
28. Moses- raised by the Pharoah’s daughter, leader of emerging nation of Israel, used by God to lead the people out of slavery in Egypt, wrote first five books of the Bible
29. Joshua- successor of Moses, leader of Israel into the promised land
30. Isaiah- prophet, called the nation to repent during the time of King Hezekiah, prophesies about Christ in book bearing his name
31. Daniel- in captivity in Babylon, refused to stop praying to God/ thrown into lion’s den/ no harm done, prophesied about the kings of Babylon, including Nebuchadnezzar
32. Ezra- scribe, allowed to bring the Israelites back to their land after being held in captivity
33. Samson- given extraordinary physical strength by God to fight the Philistines, rebellious and turned form God and His commands, died when he destroyed a pagan temple where he was a prisoner
34. Ruth- Moabite widow, went w/mother-in-law to Israel, married Boaz, ancestor of David and Jesus
35. Samuel- son of Hannah, pledged to God before birth, appointed Saul and David as kings
36. David- son of Jesse, killed Goliath, became king, in the lineage of Christ, man after God’s own heart
37. Solomon- son of David, great wisdom from God, wealthiest man the world had ever seen, built first temple
38. Ahithophel- advisor of David, turned against David in order to support his son Absalom’s rebellion, later killed himself
39. Jeroboam- king of Northern Tribes of Israel, tried to reason w/Solomon’s son Rehoboam, but he wouldn’t listen and caused the rebellion and split of the kingdom
40. Josiah- one of the few good kings of the northern kingdom of Israel, the lost book of the law was found under his rule, attempted to follow the commandments in his life and government
41. Elisha- disciple and follower of Elijah, assumed Elijah’s ministry after he was taken to heaven
42. Jonah- reluctant prophet to people of Nineveh, after being swallowed by a fish was submissive to God’s call
43. Nebuchadnezzar- king of Babylon, many Jews taken captive, including Daniel, converted testimonies of 4 men and 7 years of being humbled by God
44. Esther- relative of Mordechai, married King Xerxes, saved the Jews from being killed by a decree from Haman
45. Hezekiah- good king of Judah, should have died but was allowed to live for 15 more years because God granted his request for more life, built a tunnel that brought water to Jerusalem
46. Eli- high priest, in Samuel’s care, was removed from his office due to the wickedness he allowed his sons to commit
47. Nehemiah- cupbearer for King Artaxerxes, rebuilt the wall in Jerusalem and repaired the temple
48. Jeremiah- weeping prophet, persecuted and ignored by own people, ministered in Judea

New Testament
1. Trace the life of Christ discussing the major periods of His life, His ministries, activities and discourses.

Birth to Death (33 years)
Initial Judean Ministry (1 year)
Galilean Ministry (1.5 years)
Judean Ministry (3 months)
Perean Ministry (3 months)
Passion Ministry (7 days)
Resurrection Ministry (40 days)

Birth and Childhood
-foretold in the OT
-announced to Mary
-born in Bethlehem in 6-4BC
-visits the Temple at age 12 and amazes Jewish rabbis
-silent years from age 12-30
Initial Judean Ministry
-announced by John the Baptist
-baptism and temptation in the wilderness
-begins miracles
-cleanses the Temple
Galilean Ministry
-Public emphasis: preaching and teaching
-First tour of Galilee: healings and miracles to the multitudes
-Discourse 1: Sermon on the Mount
-Discourse 2: Commissioning of the 12 disciples
-Second tour of Galilee
-Discourse 3: Kingdom parables to the disciples
-Third tour of Galilee
-Withdraws across lake to Phoenicia, Decapolis, and Philip’s Territory
-Transfiguration
-Private emphasis: teaching and parables to the 12 disciples
Judean Ministry
-Discourse 4: At Feast of Tabernacles, Childlikeness of Believer
-I AM statements
Perean Ministry
-raising Lazarus from the dead
Passion Ministry
-Saturday: Mary anoints Jesus in Bethany
-Sunday: Triumphal entry
-Monday: cleanses temple
-Tuesday: Discourse 5: Olivet
-Wednesday: silent day
-Thursday: Passover, Discourse 6: Upper Room, prayer in Garden of Gethsemane
-Friday: early morning arrest, trial, crucifixion, burial
-Saturday: body lays in tomb
-Sunday: RESURRECTION!
Resurrection Ministry:
-women visit the tomb
-appearance to women, disciples, and 500 in Galilee
-Great Commission and Ascension

2. Trace the life of Paul, and include the dates and background of each of his epistles.
Chronology of the Life of Paul
Paul’s conversion -35
First Jerusalem visit- 37
Tarsus and Antioch- 37-48
Second Jerusalem Visit- 47
First missionary journey- 48-49
Jerusalem Apostolic Council- 49
Second Missionary Journey- 50-52
Third Missionary Journey- 53-57
Caesarean Imprisonment- 57-59
First Roman imprisonment- 60-62
Journey to East- 62-64
Journey to Spain (4th missionary journey?)-64-66
Journey to East- 66-67
Second Roman imprisonment (Death in Rome)-68

Chronology of Paul’s Epistles
Galatians-49: Judaizer problem
1 Thessalonians- 51: Paul is grateful for the Thessalonians from Timothy’s report
2 Thessalonians- 51: Encouragement and correction of issues
1 Corinthians- 56: Correction of several issues
2 Corinthians- 56: Defense of apostolic Authority, reception of repentant believers, thankfulness
Romans- 56-57: Presentation of Gospel and Christian worldview/doctrine
Ephesians- 60: God’s Redemption through Christ, and Christian living
Colossians- 61: Response to Epaphras
Philemon- 61: written to send Onesimus back to Philemon
Philippians- 62: thanks for financial gift and encouragement to the church
1 Timothy- 62: encourage Timothy and refute false doctrine
Titus- 66: Church living
2 Timothy- 67: Encourage Timothy since Paul was going to die soon

3. Identify the distinctive focus and audience of each of the four Gospels, and outline one of them.

Matthew: Audience: Jews; Explanation of Kingdom; Christ as King
Mark: Audience: Romans; Impress the power of the Gospel; Christ as servant
Luke: Audience: Greeks; Set in historical order; Christ as perfect humanity
John: Audience: World; Emphasized plan of salvation; Christ as deity

Outline of Matthew:
-The early years of Christ
-Genealogy and birth of Christ (1)
-Flee when Herod kills all the babies (2)
-The beginning of Christ’s ministry
-Jesus baptized (3)
-Jesus tempted (4)
-Sermon on the Mount (5-7)
-Jesus performs many miracles (8-12)
-Jesus tells parables (13)
-The middle of Christ’s ministry
-Death of John the Baptist (14)
-Continuation of miracles (14-16)
-The transfiguration (17)
-Jesus tells more parables (18-22)
-The Triumphal Entry (21)
-The end of Christ’s ministry
-Jesus prophesies about the end and tells more parables (23-25)
-Betrayal and arrest of Jesus (26)
-Jesus tried before Pilate and hung on the cross (27)
-Jesus’ resurrection and the Great Commission (28)

4. Define and describe the “Synoptic Problem,” and indicate your understanding of a proper solution to the problem.

Synoptic is defined as the idea of a common view or common reference point. It has to do with the literary agreement of the Gospels. The Synoptic Gospels are Matthew, Mark and Luke (John is NOT; John’s material is very unique to John). These three gospels are similar in their arrangement of narratives, content, sentence structure and word order, and particular terms.

Attempts to reconcile the problem have been to say that they drew from a common source. One of these sources is commonly known as the “Q” (Quelle) document. The “Q” document is believed to be a pre-gospel, but we do not have them.

The Documentary Hypothesis has been seen to be a solution to the problem and has two main theories: the “Two Document” theory and the “Four Document” theory. Both of these involve Matthew, Mark, Luke and “Q”. The “Two Document” theory is that “Q” and Mark influenced Matthew and Luke. The “Four Document” theory is that there were four sources that influenced Matthew and Luke.

The biblical view for a solution to this ‘problem’ is that the gospels express four different sides with four different authors and four different facets and four different perspectives. While they constantly compliment one another, they never contradict. Each book has a particular audience and a particular theme to it, unique to each author. They each wrote about many of the same events but each from their own point of view, meaning that they all saw different things or the same things a little differently, or they all put a different emphasis on some of the same events. No two plus authors description of the same event is ever going to come out exactly the same.

5. Give an overview of the historical development of the Intertestamental Period.

Persian Period (583-333 BC)
-Jews allowed to return
-Tension between Persians and Greeks, Israel in the middle
-Persians decline, Greeks become world power
Hellenistic Period
-Alexander the Great: Greek language and culture to all conquered lands
-Death leads to four-way division of empire
-Ptolemies: Egyptian based, tolerant of Jews, ruled from 300-200BC
-Septuagint translated in Alexandria during this time
-Seleucids: Syrian, oppressive of Jews, ruled from 200-143 BC
-167 BC: Antiochus IV Epiphanies
-Maccabean Revolt
-Begun by Matthias, continued by Judas
-164 BC: Maccabeans recapture Jerusalem and rededicate the Temple
Hasmonean Period (163-143 BC)
-Priest/kings
-Power was to continue until a suitable prophet should appear
-corruption increases and rule crumbles from inside
-Pharisees and Sadducees emerge during this time
Early Roman Period
-establishment of Herodian Dynasty
-Antipater II (67-43 BC)
-Herod the Great (47-44 BC)
-Building projects: Herod’s Temple, Masada, Caesarea, Herodium
-Rome steps into stop power struggle after Herod’s death; divides kingdom amongst his sons; gives jurisdiction of Judea to Roman appointed procurators
-Herod Antipas (4 BC- AD 39)
-Given control of Galilee and Perea during the time of Christ

6. Give a chapter by chapter outline of Romans.

Chapter 1
-Paul’s introduction
-Theme of the letter = the righteousness of God as revealed in the Gospel
- Man’s rejection of God and its consequences
Chapter 2- Condemnation- of the Jews
Chapter 3- Condemnation- of the World; Justification-by faith
Chapter 4- Justification- OT examples of justification by faith
Chapter 5- Justification- the result of justification by faith; Contrast of the righteous and condemned
Chapter 6- Sanctification- Believer’s relationship to sin
Chapter 7- Sanctification- Believer’s relationship to the law
Chapter 8- Sanctification- Deliverance through Christ; Victory in Christ
Chapter 9- Restoration- Israel’s past rejection
Chapter 10- Restoration- Israel’s current rejection of the Gospel
Chapter 11- Restoration- Israel’s future rejection
Chapter 12- Application- In relation to God, the Body of Christ and the World
Chapter 13- Application- In relation to the State
Chapter 14-Application- In relation to the Weaker Brother by not judging or causing him to stumble
Chapter 15- Application/Conclusion- In relation to the Weaker Brother by following the example of Christ and being of the same mind with one another
-Purpose in writing
-Future plans
Chapter 16- Conclusion- Personal greetings and final exhortations
-Benediction

7. Discuss the themes of the following epistles:

-Galatians: written to counter those who taught that Christians must keep the Old Testament law in order to be accepted by God. The central message is that a person is justified through faith in Jesus Christ, not works of the law.

-Ephesians: written to help believers better understand the extent of God’s eternal purpose and grace. The church is made up of all Christians throughout the ages, and there is to be unity. Another theme is to be thankful for blessings and to live in a manner worthy of them.

-First Thessalonians: written to encourage new believers, to give them assurance about the eternal state, and to exhort them to godly living. The primary message is eschatological.

-Hebrews: written to encourage Christians in a time of trial; focuses on the absolute supremacy and sufficiency of Jesus Christ as a mediator of God’s grace; our faith and everyday living are to imitate the example of Christ and those in chapter 11. Also, the term “better” occurs 15 times.

8. Discuss the basic approaches to interpreting the book of Revelation, and indicate which you would employ, and why.

Allegorist (Idealist):
-rooted in allegorism
-advocates a non-literal interpretation of Revelation, stressing only ideas, principles, and spiritual lessons
-Augustine’s brand of allegorism sees the book as the conflict of God vs. evil
-Application: the book is equally applicable to different ages of the church and does not focus on one special era. Steps of judgment are successive in thought rather than time.
Preterist (standing previous):
-Revelation tells us of contemporary conflicts and the first century victory of Christianity in the world
-Symbols are descriptive, not predictive, and refer to contemporary events of that day
-Ch. 4-19 occurred between 30-70 AD
-Revelation has no future significance
-Babylon and the Beast= Roman civil power
-The False Prophet= the Asian Priesthood promoting the worship of women (12:1), which equals the persecuted church

Historicists (Historical)
-Held by Reformers such as Luther
-Revelation is a symbolic presentation of the total of church history culminating in the Second Advent
-Symbols picture the church and civil history from the day of the writer (John) to the Second Coming of Christ
-Seals, trumpets, and bowls are chronological and successive stages in the development of the church historically
-Logic: Ch. 1-3 pertains to 7 historical churches and 21-22 to the future Jerusalem, so all in between must naturally depict the steps between these
-The Beast= Roman Papacy
-The False Prophet= the Roman Church

Futurist
-Held by most premillenialists
-Regards Revelations as futuristic beginning with ch. 4 and therefore subject to future fulfillment
-believe that to a wide degree the interpretation of Revelation is literal
-the purpose of the book is to reveal the plan of God for the future redemption and literal 1000 year kingdom on earth (ch. 4-22)
-second purpose is to show the urgency of overcoming the moral and doctrinal problems in the churches (ch. 2-3)

I hold the futurist view because it seems to be the least problematic, and it makes the most sense with how I’ve been taught. I believe that Revelation is talking about things that will come to pass in the future. As with the rest of the Bible, I believe that it is to be interpreted literally where possible.

9. Be able to identify the book and chapter(s) in which each of the following are found:
-The Great Commission: Matthew 28
-The birth of Jesus Christ: Matthew 1
-The resurrection of Christ: Matthew 28
-The ascension of Christ: Acts 1
-The coming of the Holy Spirit: Acts 2
-The first missionary journey: Acts 13-14
-The second missionary journey: Acts 15-18
-The third missionary journey: Acts 18-21
-The conversion of Paul: Acts 9
-The qualifications of an Elder: Titus 1
-The thousand year millennial reign of Christ: Revelation 20
-The Olivet Discourse: Matthew 23-25
-The Sermon on the Mount: Matthew 5-7
-The Upper Room Discourse: John 13-17
-The Fruit of the Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23
-Divorce and Remarriage: 1 Corinthians 7
-The Day of the Lord: 2 Peter 3
-The Rapture: I Thessalonians 4
-The message to the seven Churches in Asia Minor: Revelation 2-3
-The Jerusalem Council: Acts 15
-Abraham as an example of justification by faith: Romans 4
-Transfiguration: Matthew 17
-Golden Rule: Matthew 7
-Lord’s Prayer: Matthew 6

10. Be able to briefly identify the following individuals:
1. Joseph- Carpenter, earthly father of Jesus, made journey to Jerusalem w/Mary
2. Mary- pledged to be married to Joseph, found to be with child through Holy Spirit, gave birth to God’s son, Jesus Christ, in Bethlehem
3. Simeon- righteous and devout saint, Holy Spirit revealed that he would not die before he saw Jesus, saw Jesus in temple and praised Him and His family, prophesized that Jesus is Savior and will cause many hearts to be revealed
4. Zacharias- visited by Gabriel (angel), told that his wife, Elizabeth was going to give birth to a son named John, doubted and was not able to speak until John was born, praised God when John was born
5. Elizabeth- righteous before God, barren for many years, promised to give birth to a son and name him John
6. John the Baptist- “forerunner of our Lord”, his mission was prophecy, spoke mostly repentance, baptized those who believed in Jesus, cast into prison and beheaded
7. Nicodemus- visited Jesus by night to learn about His doctrines, protested against those plotting against Christ, took part in the preparation for the anointing and burial of the body of Christ
8. Peter- originally called Simon, fisherman who heard prophesies about the coming Messiah and became a disciple of Christ, denied Jesus and saw Him after He was raised from the dead, cast into prison/continually preached Gospel, even under persecution
9. James- one of Christ’s original 12 disciples, present at the transfiguration, first martyr among the apostles, beheaded by King Herod
10. John- brother of James, son of Zebedee, one of Christ’s original 12 disciples, the one that Jesus loved, began ministering in Judea
11. Andrew- one of Christ’ original 12 disciples, present at the feeding of the 5,000, brought others to Christ 3 times
12. Matthew- former name was Levi, tax-gatherer, one of Christ’s original 12 disciples
13. Luke- a Gentile and evangelist, converted by Paul, Paul’s companion during his journey to Jerusalem
14. Lazarus- Mary and Martha’s brother, raised from the dead after being in the tomb for 4 days, because of this the Jews wanted to put both Jesus and Lazarus to death
15. Mary & Martha- the two are contrasted, Mary had chosen the “good” part by spending time with Jesus, Martha was “cumbered about many things”
16. Philemon- Master of Onesimus, called a “fellow-laborer”, held some office in church in Colosse, helped spread the Gospel, held a prominent place in the Christian community
17. Onesimus- slave who robbed his master, Philemon, fled to Rome, was converted by Paul, Paul sent him back to his master, Philemon forgave him
18. Caiaphas- Jewish high pries at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry, in this position when Jesus was condemned and crucified, sent Jesus to Pilate
19. Annas- first priest Jesus was brought to before being sent to Caiaphas, leader of the Sanhedrin that Peter and John were brought to in Acts 4
20. Pilate- Governor of Judea, reign extended over the period of the ministry of John the Baptist and Jesus, questions Jesus and delivers him to Jews
21. Matthias- replaced Judas in the original 12 disciples, chosen after the disciples cast lots after praying to determine who was to take the place
22. Ananias & Sapphira- Ananias was a member of the church in Jerusalem, conspired together to deceive the Christian brothers, both died after lying about giving all of their money from selling their land to the church
23. Stephen- first Christian martyr, gave a speech in front of the Jewish leaders about the gospel being for Jews and Gentiles, stoned by the Jews
24. Barnabas- took a missionary journey with Paul to Antioch, did no go on a second one together because they had a falling out regarding whether or not to take John Mark, took John Mark to Cyprus
25. Cornelius- centurion in Caesarea, led to Christ by Peter, first Gentile to be saved, whole family was baptized
26. Philip- evangelist, led Ethiopian eunuch in chariot to Christ by explaining a passage in Isaiah, after the eunich was baptized, Philip was taken away by God, ministered in Azatus and Caesarea
27. Felix- Roman procurator of Judea, Paul spoke before him about his faith in Christ
28. Festus- successor of Felix as procurator of Judea, heard Paul defend himself before Herod, did not find Paul guilty
29. Paul- formerly Saul/persecuted Christians, converted on Road to Damascus, became a missionary to the Gentiles, arrested and persecuted many times, executed for his faith in Christ
30. Silas- also called Silvanus, prominent member of church in Jerusalem, accompanied Paul and Barnabas on their return to Antioch, went with Paul on his 2nd missionary journey
31. Timothy- young disciple, Paul’s companion on many of his journeys, when Paul was a prisoner at Rome, Timothy joined him
32. John Mark- nephew of Barnabas, Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement about him and split up, went with Barnabas to Cyprus
33. Michael- one of the chief angels with special charge of Israel, disputed with Satan
34. Gabriel- sent to Daniel to explain his vision to him and communicate the prediction of the 70 weeks, announced the birth of John the Baptist and Jesus

Systematic Theology

1. Define the million terms.

2. What is the New Testament gospel message? It must be clear and biblically supported.
The New Testament gospel message is centered around 1 Corinthians 15:3-4. To summarize, the NT gospel is the story of the person and accomplishments of Jesus Christ and what benefits His accomplishments bring to lost and helpless sinners.

We can break the gospel message into 4 parts:
-Who God is:
-God is Holy (1 Peter 1: 15-16)
-God is Just (Deuteronomy 32:4)
-God is Judge (Psalm 7:11)
-God cannot look upon sin (Habakkuk 1:13)

-We are all sinners who need a Savior
-Romans 3:23, 6:23
-A Savior satisfies God’s wrath (Romans 5:9)
-A Savior reconciles us to God (1Timothy 2:5)
-We cannot pay the debt (Hebrews 10:11-14)

-God provided the Savior through Jesus Christ:
-He is His Son (Colossians 1:15-17)
-Jesus lived a sinless, perfect life (Hebrews 4:15)
-Christ died for our sins (1 Peter 2:24)
-Christ rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:4)
-This proved His deity and conquering of sin
-Without this, our faith is in vain; He would have been like any other man
-It was God’s stamp of approval on Jesus’ life and sacrifice on the cross

-We have a personal obligation to choose
-Salvation is not based on works (Titus 3:5)
-Salvation is a result of God’s grace (Galatians 2:16)
-We must have faith/believe (Acts 16:31, Romans 10:9-10)
-Repentance and turning from sin (Acts 3:19)
-God forgives our sins (Acts 2:38)
-We have eternal life (John 3:16)

3. Describe the biblical view of human nature.
Human nature is created in the image of God. This is depicted in Genesis to the later books of the New Testament. Because of the fall (Gen. 3), all that is like God in us is perverted. Not one part of us is left untouched.

Genesis 1:26-28 depicts the ways in which we are like God:
-created by God to relate to each other (human relationships) and with our Creator
-created as image-bearers to rule over the earth, with God as the absolute ruler over all creation
-when people see us they should see a representation of our invisible Creator; by sinning (Romans 3:23), we fail to display the glory of God

Physically: the image of God in us is what makes us distinct from the animals, not our bodies (though our bodies were created by God and seen as “good”)

Intellectually: God created us with intellect and expects us to use it; primarily to know Him more (Jeremiah 9), not that we should boast in it or use it without submission to God (1 Corinthians 1).

Emotionally: both positive and negative emotions are ascribed to God in the Bible (compassion, anger, jealousy, gratitude, joy, etc.), but they are distorted by our sin and can spring forth from evil motives

Morally/Spiritually: humans are designed to be in relationship with creation, each other, and most importantly with our Creator

“Parts of Human Nature”:
-Trichotomy: body, soul, spirit (1 Thessalonians 5, Hebrews 4)
-Dichotomy: body and soul/spirit
-terms for soul and spirit are used synonymously/interchangeably in the Greek and Hebrew
-describing death, Scripture says either the soul departs or the spirit…not both
-both the soul and spirit of a person can sin; the soul and spirit do the same things
-Monism: man as one essential component; human nature being divine

Human nature is subject to death
-physical: as a consequence to sin, man returns to dust (Genesis 3)
-spiritual: the decomposition of the likeness of God in human nature
-eternal: subject to eternal punishment or reward, death

4. Explain the key aspects of what is called “original sin” and how “total depravity” relates to it.

Original Sin, first aspect:
-it refers to the sinful nature that all human beings inherit from Adam
-this sinful nature causes sinful tendencies, desires, and dispositions within a person
-it is sometimes called “original pollution”
-it is present in every human at conception
-key verse: Psalm 51:5

Original Sin, second aspect:
-refers to the guilt of Adam’s sin that is imputed to every human being
-all humanity not only shares in the effects of Adam’s sin, but also the guilt of Adam’s sin
-refers to a person’s legal standing before God
-this guilt is imputed to a person when they are conceived and thus every person is guilty of Adam’s sin before they have actually committed a sinful act (Romans 5:12)

It is important to make the differentiation between the first aspect of original sin that is inherited and the second aspect that is imputed. The first refers to our corrupted nature, the second refers to an unregenerate person’s legal standing before God.

Another important differentiation to make is between Adam’s first sin and the sinful nature we receive from Adam. The theological term “original sin” does not refer to Adam’s first sin, but to the sinful nature we inherit from Adam.

Total depravity refers to the extensiveness of the corruption of human nature inherited form Adam. The sinful nature we received from Adam is entirely corrupted, meaning that it affects every aspect of our human faculties. It is this moral corruption (total depravity) that deprives us of holiness and alienates us from God. Another aspect of total depravity it that of “total inability”. This refers to the corruption of human nature which is so great that no one can desire, choose, or do any spiritual good apart form God’s grace. The doctrine of total depravity refers to the state of humanity, while the doctrine of total inability refers to the implications of total depravity.

5. What is meant when orthodox Christianity speaks of God as a “Trinity?”

Definition: God eternally exists as 3 persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit and each is fully God, and there is one God.
Description:
-God is 3 persons
-the God-head is three distinct persons
-the Father and the Son are distinct: the Word was with God, so therefore it is distinct from the Father (John 1:1-2)
-the Holy Spirit is distinct: the Holy Spirit was given by Christ, so that His followers would remember His words, so therefore it is distinct form the Son (John 14:27)
-Each Person is fully God
-Father is clearly God: evidenced throughout the whole Bible beginning with Creating and culminating in the Day of the Lord
-Son is fully God: (John 1:1-4)
-Holy Spirit is fully God: (Matthew 28:19)
-God is One
-the three different persons of the Trinity are one in purpose and essential essence (Deuteronomy 6:4, Romans 3:30)

6. Explain the person of Christ, giving biblical support for His humanity and deity.
Hypostatic Union:
-This is not two persons in one nature, nor is it one nature blended in with another
-The two natures of Jesus Christ are two distinct natures which are inevitably connected
-Jesus is 100% God and 100% man, not 50/50
-Jesus the man does not exist outside or disconnected from Jesus the God
-He was one with the Father (John 10:30), yet sympathized with man in every way (Hebrews 2:14)

Kenosis Passage of Philippians 2:5-7

Scriptural Basis of Jesus’ Humanity:
-born a virgin woman in human flesh: Luke 1:31
-the Word, God, became “flesh” : John 1:14
-becomes weary, as any human would: John 4:6
-grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men: Luke 2:52
-experienced physical hunger: Matthew 4:2
-suffered weakness in every way that humans do, yet without sin: Hebrews 4:15

Scriptural Basis of Jesus’ Deity:
-Jesus is God over all: Romans 9:5
-He is our great God and Savior: Titus 2:13-14
-The Word (Jesus) was God: John 1:1
-Jesus said He and the Father are one: John 10:30-38
-Jesus forgave sins as God: Mark 2: 5-7
-Psalm 45:6-7 and Hebrews 1:8-9

7. What is meant when orthodox Protestantism speaks of justification by faith alone?

Definition of Justification: The act by which God acquits the believer of all sins and grants him a right legal standing on the basis of the work of Christ.
-one must have faith in the saving work of Christ; justification by faith alone (Ephesians 2:8-10)
-one cannot be justified by works (Romans 11:6, Galatians 2:16)
-faith does not earn us the status of righteous; rather, it accepts and appropriates it
-righteousness by faith is the theme of Romans 3:21-31
-when God justifies a person, He declares them righteous in advance (before the actual judgment to come)

In other words, you cannot be justified by works. Justification only comes by faith.

8. Why, and how does the death and resurrection of Christ save sinners?
Why:
-Christ died for all men
-It satisfied God’s wrath against sin, due to the demand of His holy character
-The full penalty for sin has been paid
-The death of Christ is what allows sinful men to be reconciled to God
-The resurrection provides eternal life for those who believe

How:
-Christ’s death was the substitute for sacrifices
-resurrection proved the deity of Christ
-Christ’s resurrection proves God’s acceptance of Christ’s sacrifice
-Allows us to experience regeneration
-Makes justification possible
-Provides eternal life for those who believe

9. Distinguish presuppositional apologetics from evidential apologetics.
Presuppositional:
-The apologetic method where a person will respond to the evidences that are given him solely based on his or her presuppositions
-One’s presuppositions have so conditioned a fallen man that he cannot and will not respond when presented with evidence to an argument for Christianity
-Apologetics is really only for Christians
-Do no believe there is any common middle ground with which to meet a non-Christian
-A non-Christian must reject their worldview entirely, and accept the God-centered worldview

Evidentialist:
-specializes in historical proofs
-there is common middle ground between Christians and non-Christians
-use common middle ground as a starting point to argue towards God and the Bible

10. Explain the classic rational arguments used to defend the existence of God.

-The Cosmological Argument: everything within the universe has a cause; therefore the universe itself must have a cause, which can only be God

-The Teleological Argument: there is evidence of order and design in the universe; this design gives evidence of an intelligent purpose; since the universe appears to be created with a purpose, there must be an intelligent and purposeful God to create it

-The Moral Argument: states that man has a sense of right and wrong; the need for justice to be done; therefore, there must be a God who is the source of right and wrong, and who will bring justice to all people

-The Ontological Argument: God is a necessary being, as humans we may or may not exist, but God must exist

11. Distinguish the view of believer’s baptism from infant baptism. What biblical and theological reasons are used to argue for each?

Believer’s Baptism:
-The NT shows faith tied closely with the rite of baptism (Colossians 2:12)
-The NT links baptism and regeneration (Acts 22:16)
-The NT presents the church as a body of regenerated believers (1 Corinthians 12:12-13)
-The New Covenant (baptism/spiritual rebirth) is different from the Mosaic Covenant (circumcision/natural birth)
-Spirit Baptism unites the church with Christ and to other members of the church

Infant Baptism (Paedo-Baptism):
-Said to have been practiced in the church from the earliest centuries
-Practice of household baptism in the NT (Acts 16:29-34)
-when the head of the family confessed, the whole family was baptized
- 1st Corinthians 7:14
-Argued from instances in the Gospels when Jesus willingly relates to children in His ministry (Luke 18:15-17)
-Reformed covenant of grace
-concluded that the sacraments of the NT era functioned similarly as those in the OT (circumcised as babies baptized as babies)

12. What biblical and theological reasons are used to defend Premillennialism?

-A literal interpretation of Revelation 20 (1,000 years is an actual chronological period)
-Isaiah 11:2-9
-Satan will be bound
-Believers will reign with Christ during the Millennial Kingdom (Revelation 2:26-27)
-The four unconditional blessings to Israel from the Abrahamic Covenant (Gen. 12-15)
-Seed, land, universal blessing, a final world supremacy through the “great” divine blessings would flow out to all mankind
-the prophecies of Christ first arrival were literal, so the prophecy of His second arrival must be taken literally

13. What biblical and theological reasons are used to defend the cessation of the “sign” gifts today?

-signs were used to delineate authenticity of the Gospel, the means of salvation
-God distributed the gifts to Apostles to attest and bear witness of the Gospel
-sign gifts were used for the advancement of the early church (Hebrews 2:3-4)
-Tongues
-Were used publicly to further God’s glory and for the edification of God’s people; not to edify one’s self (1st Corinthians 14)
- 1st Corinthians 13:8 specifically says that love will never fail, but the sign gifts will end
-Must be careful when it comes to prophesying (2nd Peter 1:20-21)
-They were used to affirm true apostleship (2nd Corinthians 12:12)
-Scripture is complete now
-We are not to take words away from the Bible (Revelation 22:19)

Practical Theology
1. Compare and contrast the various views of church government.

Government within the local churches:
-the single monarchial Bishop
-the body of elders
-the congregation
-a fourth view might be added here: there are some radical Christian groups that hold the view that there are no authorities in the local church

Monarchial Bishop: The New Testament uses two terms, “elder/presbyter” and “bishop/overseer”, relatively synonymously for the chief office in the local church. A third term with some NT warrant is “pastor/shepherd” for the same office.
Quickly the earthly postapostolic church distinguished between the office of elder and bishop. The “elders” were generally plural in a particular city or town while the “bishop” was singular. The singular bishop quickly became the final authority over the particular congregation, presiding over the elders, deacons, and laity.
In support of this form of local church government, NT texts could be cited that encourage submission to the church’s leaders (Hebrews 13:7, 17). Even the term “overseer/bishop” suggests investiture with authority. This form of government is practiced in the denomination with an Episcopal hierarchy, but it is also de facto the form of government in many churches in which a sole pastor rules dictatorially.

Elder Rule: In this form of government, the body of elders is the final human authority in the local church. The church has multiple elders. No single elder has this authority, but collegially they exercise it together. Hebrews 13: 7, 17 as well as texts affirming authority to elders (1st Timothy 5:17, Acts 20:28, 1st Peter 5:2) support this form of government. Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3 also give the spiritual qualifications for an elder. In elder rule, there is no distinction between the bishops/overseers and the presbyters/elders.

Congregation Rule: It is important to note that this position in church government does not say that the only local church authority is the congregation. Almost all churches affirming congregational rule are not pure democracies; the congregations delegate authority to the pastors/elders, deacons, and other officers. What congregational government affirms is that the final human authority in the local church is the congregation. In other words, congregational government insists that regardless of church office, the congregation as a whole can overrule and/or call to account any member of the church- even a pastor. Support for this form of government can be found in passages that affirm congregational input into the decision making process and teach the accountability of every member including elders to the congregation as a whole (2 Corinthians 2:6, Matthew 18:17, 1st Timothy 5:19-20, Acts 6 and 13).

2. Briefly discuss the views of the role of women in the church, and biblically support your view.

-There are two views of the role of women in the church: egalitarian and complementarian.

-Egalitarian: women can hold positions of leadership and authority over men, basically any position in the church; no governing or teaching roles in church are reserved for men

-Complementarian: women are a helpmate or complement to men, leaning and serving in humble submission; some governing and teaching roles in church are restricted to men.

-The Danvers Statement (1987) also speaks on the role of women in the church:
-In the church, redemption in Christ gives men and women an equal share in the blessings of salvation; nevertheless, some governing and teaching roles within the church are restricted to men.
-In both men and women a heartfelt sense of call to ministry should never be used to set aside Biblical criteria for particular ministries. Rather, Biblical teaching should remain the authority for testing our subjective discernment of God’s will.

My view is the complementarian view, I believe that women are prohibited form preaching (1st Timothy 2:9-15, 1st Corinthians 14:34). I also believe that woman was created as a helpmate to man. This can be found in such verses as Genesis 2:18, 1st Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22. Even though the Bible says that woman is not to have authority over man, this does not mean that she does not have a place in the church. It is also important to understand that women can have opinions, but they must learn humbly. Therefore, I am strongly against the egalitarian view because the Bible specifically says that a woman is not to be over a man.

3. Biblically support your view of church discipline.

Matthew 18:15-17
-If a brother sins against you, go to him privately and tell him his sin.
-If you have tried repeatedly and he is still not repentant, bring two to three witnesses with you.
-If the brother is still not repentant, bring it to the church
-If the sinning brother still does not repent, treat him as a Gentile/tax collector. In other words, an unbeliever

1st Timothy 5:19-20
-If it is an elder, a charge cannot be accepted until at least two or three are also witnesses of this leader’s sin.
-If the leader persists in sin and does not repent, he is to be rebuked in the presence of all (some say that this means only elders, and some say that this means the whole congregation).

4. Give the various views of Baptism and biblically support your view.

-Sprinkling of water over the head or body
-Pouring of water over the head
-Full immersion into water- Jewish Mikvah

Full immersion into a body of water is the most accurate way of baptism as shown in Scripture. In Matthew 3:16 (Jesus’ baptism), it says that He “came up immediately from the water”. This verse portrays Jesus as having been under water, and then coming up from it. Also, in Acts 8:38-39 this same idea is shown with Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch. It says that Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and that they “came up out of the water”.

5. Give the various views of Communion and biblically support your view.

Transubstantiation: this theory arose to explain the physical presence of the body of Christ in the elements. By this theory, it was thought, the very nature or ‘essence’ of the elements of communion.

Consubstantiation: Protestants broke with the approved Catholic teaching. Following Luther, Lutherans accepted this theory by which they deny a change in the elements of communion, but affirm a real, physical presence of the body and blood of Christ in communion.

Spiritual/Mystical: Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox doctrine support much of their view of the presence of Christ in the Eucharist by virtue of the authority of tradition, councils, and church officials. Biblical support generally rests upon the Lord’s words at the supper, “this is my body”, interpreted completely literally.

Symbolic/Object Lesson: Almost all Protestants (except Lutherans) reject the previously listed views. Jesus and the apostles often used simple verbs to indicate representation (Matthew 5:13, 5:14, 1st Corinthians 10:4) It is unwarranted to assume Christ is being metaphorical in His words at the Last Supper. Jesus did not mean to be literal when he said “This is the cup of the new covenant” (1st Corinthians 11:25). Obviously Christ did not mean that the clay or metal cup used at that time was actually an agreement called the new covenant- He meant that the cup symbolized the New Covenant.

6. Give the various views of divorce and remarriage, and biblically support your view.

-No divorce, no remarriage
-Divorce in some cases, No remarriage
-Divorce and Remarriage for adultery or desertion
-Divorce and remarriage for a variety of circumstances
-Remarriage only if one’s spouse has died, not if there is divorce

My view is divorce and remarriage for adultery or desertion. While God makes it very clear that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), the Bible does teach that adultery allows divorce and remarriage (Matthew 5:32, 19:9). The Bible also teaches that divorce and remarriage is allowed if the unbelieving spouse leaves (1st Corinthians 7:12-16).

In other words, Jesus states that there is only one valid reason for which a person may properly divorce the other and then marry someone else: unrepentant adultery on the part of the spouse (Matthew 19:9). Or, if the spouse initiates the separation, the deserted spouse may divorce and remarry (1st Corinthians 7:15).

I would also add that I do agree with remarriage after one’s spouse has died, based on such passages as Romans 7:3, 1st Timothy 5:14, and 1st Corinthians 7:39. However, I hold the view that remarriage is allowed for both the death of the spouse along with the unrepentant adultery and desertion.

7. Discuss the Christian view of “vocation” or calling.

Calling is the truth that God calls us to Himself so decisively that everything we are, do and have is invested with special devotion and dynamism lived out as a response to His summons.
-To call means to name
-Call is a synonym for salvation
-Jesus calls His followers to Himself
-Jesus also calls His followers to peace, fellowship, eternal life, suffering, service, and discipleship

-Our primary calling as followers of Christ is by Him, to Him, and for Him
-Our secondary calling, considering who God is as sovereign, is that everyone, everywhere and in everything, should think, speak, live, and act entirely for Him.
-Our primary calling cannot be separated from our secondary calling.
-Primary and secondary callings must be kept in the proper order
-We must make sure that the primary calling leads without fail to the secondary calling

-Special calling refers to those tasks and missions laid on individuals through a direct, specific, supernatural communication from God. Many Christians make the mistake of elevating special calling or of talking as if everyone needs a special call for every task.

8. How would you communicate the Gospel message to an unbeliever? It must be clear and biblically supported.

The Four Spiritual Laws (Campus Crusade for Christ)

1) God loves you and offers a wonderful plan for your life (John 3:16, John 10:10)

2) Man is sinful and separated from God. Therefore, he cannot know or experience God’s love and plan for his life. (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23)

3) Jesus Christ is God’s only provision for man’s sin. Through Him you can know and experience God’s love and plan for your life. (Jesus died in our place, Romans 5:8; He rose from the dead, 1st Corinthians 15:3-6; He is the only way to God, John 14:6)

4) We must individually receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord (John 1:12); then we can know and experience God’s love and plan for our lives. (We must receive Him by faith, Ephesians 2:8-9; we will then experience a new birth, John 3:1-8; we receive Christ through personal invitation, Revelation 3:20)

Emphasis

1. Describe and discuss the educational cycle of local church ministry.

This cycle is made up of nine components. The first two must be established before the seven component cycle can begin. At the very beginning is the Biblical Imperatives. This has to do with why we are doing something, and what Scripture commands us to do. The second is the Biblical Objectives. This is where the goals come from and the and the what we are doing. From here starts the cycle. Current Needs are at the beginning. Where they are at, what are the felt needs (learner) and real needs (teacher). Next is the Current Objectives. This is where the teacher takes the needs and Biblical objectives and makes them modern. After this, one can create/find Curriculum. Curriculum is what is taught. Unfortunately, people usually start the cycle with curriculum. The next step is Organization and Administration. An example could be a youth group. From here we have Methods and Materials. This is how to pull it off (teaching methods, trips, programming). The final part of the cycle is Revised Needs. If you’re not where you’re supposed to be, then you need to start the cycle over at the current needs.

2. Describe the nature of youth culture today. Be specific and offer support.

The nature of youth culture today is shaped by many influences. A list of some of them are: music, movies, TV, internet, media, money, facebook/myspace movement, blogging, interaction with the law (can I break a law because it seems unreasonable or unfair?), dating (how far is too far?) Other issues that plague youth culture have to do with when youth are to be and act like an adult; what is the role of a man or woman and how do they respond in the world; how do we respond to post-modernism; and how do we respond to the emphasis for toleration. These are all topics and questions that affect a teenager.

There are also many parallels with the nature of today’s youth culture, to that portrayed in Proverbs. For example, love, friends, enemies, truthfulness, gossip, laziness, kindness, anger, relationships with parents, and many others are issues that face youth culture just as much today as they did back then.

3. Describe the instructional system and how it affects teaching.

The instructional system is made up of five parts. On the top left there is the teacher; the top right there is the student; the bottom left is content; and bottom right is method. There are arrows pointing between teacher and student, student and method, method and content, and content and teacher. In the middle of this rectangle is the learning environment. There are two sets of arrows (they look like an ‘x’) with one pointing to teacher and method and one pointing to content and student.

This system affects teaching in many ways. First, a teacher must know their strengths and weaknesses in order to be most effective. Secondly, the arrow between teacher and student is relational. Third, when it comes to method, this has to do with how we are teaching. One must know the different methods and how to use them well. With content, this is what we’re teaching. With the arrow between content and method, it is important to understand that these two can’t always work for everything. For example, lectures won’t work for all content. Finally, it is very important to understand that the learning environment can affect all four of these areas such as noise, time, heat, etc.). When it comes to teaching, one must understand that these five components work together either positively or negatively.

4. Discuss Acts 2:42 as it relates to overall church ministry.

Acts 2:42 has to do with the biblical basis for Christian education. This verse emphasizes the corporate priority of Christian education. Acts 2:42 says, “And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” From this verse come four elements that are “typical navigational landmarks for a corporate philosophy of ministry for a community of believers” (Behle). The first is the Apostle’s teaching; this means a strong teaching emphasis. The second is fellowship; this has to do with all of the “one another’s”. The third one is the breaking of bread; this is communion. The final one is prayer. These are sometimes referred to as the WIFE acronym: Worship, Instruction, Fellowship, Expression

5. Discuss Matthew 28:19-20 as it relates to overall church ministry.

Matthew 28:19-20 has to do with the biblical basis for Christian education. These verses emphasize the Great Commission or Christian education.

From the verses come two principles: the priority of discipleship and the pattern of discipleship. First, when one is being discipled, that disciplee should be discipling others, and so on. The second aspect is the pattern of discipleship. First, going goes with evangelism. We need to go where they are. Also, evangelism is not a method. Second, baptizing goes with identification. Finally, teaching goes with education. One must teach to observe; this means how to practice Christianity. Overall, this has to do with church ministry, because discipleship must be a part of church ministry.

Beautiful

2008-04-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

Ever since I first heard this song years ago, I have loved it everytime I've heard it. If I still played the guitar (or if I could play more than 7 or 8 of the basic chords...) I would so learn this song. Maybe I'll strive to work on that in the near future.

Beautiful
by Shawn McDonald

As I look into the stars
Pondering how far away they are
How You hold them in Your hands
And still You know this man
You know my inner most being, Lord
Even better than I know, than I know myself
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I, what am I
As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me, oh
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I
That You might die, that I might live
What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I

Top Fives (per Maryann's request)

2008-04-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

5 things you can't live without under 5 dollars:

1) Sunglasses (Bought from Target for I think $5.99- can that count?(I am blinded without them)
2) Camera (we'll go with disposable for the sake of the $5 rule)
3) Some form of lotion for those bad dry skin attacks
4) Either a pencil or a pen
5) In-N-Out Double-Double -no onions, add pickles (restraining myself to once a week or every other week)

5 favorite movies:

1) Moulin Rouge
2) You've Got Mail
3) Tommy Boy
4) Lilo & Stitch
5) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (most recent version)

5 Songs I could listen to over and over again (and do):

1) Your Love is Extravagant by Casting Crowns
2) The Day Before You by Matthew West
3) [anything on Caedmon's Call's albums "Back Home" or "40 Acres"]
4) [just about anything by Rascal Flatts]
5) Blessed Be by Tree 63

5 People who have had a positive influence in your life: (besides 'peer' friends and family)

1) Jesus
2) The apostle Paul
3) Dr. John MacArthur [and just about every prof. I've had at Master's]
4) Philip Yancey
5) Robby Olson

5 moments that changed your life forever:

1) Surrendering my life to the Lord (Feb. 15, 2001)
2) My parents divorcing and my mom coming out (Sept. 2002)
3) Deciding to go to Simpson and then to Master's (2005 and 2006)
4) The first death of someone close to me- Katie Springer (Oct. 29, 2004)
5) Moving from San Francisco, CA to Clayton, CA (May 1994)

5 current obsessions:

1) studying in order to pass my classes (and hopefully Senior Comp.) so that I can get my diploma sooner rather than later
2) my finances (amen to this one! I don't know if this will ever not be a "current" obsession)
3) Pop-Tarts (either frosted Strawberry or frosted Raspberry)
4) Olympus Evolt E510 Digitial SLR (ONE MORE MONTH!!!)
5) Reading (more required/have to reading over pleasure reading)

5 places I would like to go: (in order of reality)

1) The Bay Area
2) Yosemite
3) West Virginia
4) Greece
5) to bed/sleep

5 peeps that should also do this:

(Well, Maryann, since you are the only person I know on Blogger, and you've already done the survey...then... no one!)

But, if I had 5 friends that started a blogger, they would be:

1. Amanda
2. Jarod
3. Mel
4. Debra
5. Trev

learning about expectations

2008-04-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

You would think I would've learned by now to not hold any expectations towards anybody. People and things will let me down, just as I will accidentally let people down, and probably frequently. In a fallen world, I'm not sure why we as humans tend to expect certain things to go certain ways. I'm reminded of the phrase that my youth pastor, Robby Olson, used to say before going to Mexico (and the phrase caught on and was used in many different situations thereafter) "Expect gravel, consider everything else a blessing." That phrase should be a mantra for life. It works for lots of situations, but especially well in Mexico- for example- "What are we having for dinner tonight?" Answer: "Expect gravel, consider everything else a blessing."

Maybe it's because we can fully count on the promises of God that we think some of that must transfer to our lives here on Earth. Maybe because sometimes things we ask for and that we receive are part of God's will for our lives and we think that we have some sort of control over friendships or other blessings. Everything we have comes from God! Who am I to think otherwise? And why is it that I get upset when I get something that I wasn't expecting? There are starving people across the world who would love the food that the money used to buy the gift that I so ungraciously received could've bought. Maybe that's just it. It is hard for me to accept a pricey gift when it's not even something that I had the slightest desire for. And I am disgusted at myself at the same time for being so ungrateful. Oh the turmoil! I honestly don't really know why whoever sent me this gift sent it to me, but sheesh, the least I could do is check around with who sent it to me and thank them for their extremely sweet gesture...and there's always the option of selling it on ebay (as terrible as that sounds...but it's something that is way too valuable to keep so as to not hurt the feelings of the person who bought it for me).

I was dumb for expecting my camera to get here. I was dumb for expecting a surprise. I expect way way way too much out of people, and it not only hurts me, but it really hurts them if they find out.
Why can't I outgrow this dumbness with expectations?!

The 23

2008-04-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

So- it's my birthday. I had nightmares last night about being cut off from medical insurance, but it's official, I technically/officially am as of today. I renewed my prescription today for the last time(hopefully) at the $5 medical coverage price. I had a mini-breakdown last night because I won't be seeing any of my family today. My first birthday ever alone. I talked to my mom for 15 mins. this morning as she was on her way to work, she sang 'the song' to me (I was sad that I couldn't hear most of it due to the dumb phone provider and my calls cutting out at points) and I found out that my present (camera) probably won't be showing up until about the 17th. So here I am fantasizing and supressing my dreams until today when I was almost certain it was going to be showing up, and thanks to Amazon taking forever to ship anything, it won't be. :( Sad times. I suppose God is using this situation to teach me patience again.
Otherwise, it's been a good birthday so far. This morning Jamba Juice was giving away free breakfast until 10am and Starbucks was giving away their new "Pike's Place" drip from 9am-9:30am. So I headed up to my local shopping center that has a Starbucks and a Jamba like 50 feet apart from each other and I took advantage of both of the wonderful give-aways! I couldn't really believe that they were both giving away free items at the same time AND ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! So blessed!

I then headed to the bank to deposit my birthday checks from my Grandma, Mom and Dad and then crossed the street to Target to return something for my roomie. I wandered Target for like an hour, with nothing in particular to buy (which can be dangerous for me) and I walked out buying nothing. I was proud of myself that I really had no desire to spend any money.

Now I have to do homework. (yuck) But at least the one class that I have on Tues/Thurs was cancelled today! :)

Tonight we're going to Todai!!!

Really excited for that!

IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS I'M ALIVE!!!!
it's all because the blood of Jesus Christ
has covered me and raised this dead man's life
IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS I'M ALIVE!!!
-Casting Crowns

Literally dreaming of...

2008-04-03T14:19:00.001-07:00

I am really hoping that my mom got this for my birthday. She was going to get it for me for graduation, but then she told me to keep my eye out for my birthday present in the mail. And usually she wouldn't say that if it was a card or something. So I had a dream last night that I'd gotten it. I sure hope that dream comes true!!!

Sweeney Todd!! And blessing.

2008-04-02T20:53:00.001-07:00

Yay for Sweeney Todd coming out on DVD yesterday!!! Such a good movie. Gotta love the musicals!! My roomie bought it tonight and I thought we'd come home and watch it, but she had a bunch of stuff to get done, so hopefully we can watch it tomorrow evening (I might watch it tomorrow on my own- hee hee- and then watch it again if she's able to watch it in the evening)

I was so proud of myself for really buckling down yesterday and getting my child development 8 page paper written (and thus completing the course!! WHOO!!!) and my three chapters of Ethics with page responses for each done, and reading/reporting in 3 pages on a 148 page book!! Sure, I started working on these things at 10am and didn't finish until midnight last night, (with only an hour and a half break for class) but the Lord blessed my diligence and I was able to get everything done! Hallelujah!! I was overflowing with praise today for the blessing it was to have gotten everything done yesterday. I really needed that extra boost that divinely came to me and helped me to accomplish even more than I was expecting to get done. I realized that I've sorta been complaining a lot lately about how much I'm over school and the terrible suffering I'm having to go through, but honestly, I need to have a reality check sometimes. I am going to an amazing school at which I learn something new about God's world from everyday. Soon, I won't have an educational place to go to that helps me to see God's plans and purposes with the world, I will be feeding myself from God's Word. I'm so glad that we are taught how to do that too, for I know that a lot of people graduate from a Bible college and don't know how to feed themselves daily from the most important food source the world has. I know that hindsight is so much clearer than when a person is looking at something head on and seeing the challenges that lay ahead, but it really is true that suffering produces endurance, and endurance; character and character; hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:4) It's hard to see this while in the middle of suffering, but praise God that He doesn't just let us suffer for suffering's sake, He has a plan much bigger than we could ever imagine. :) Praise be to God!!!

Once again and never ending

2008-03-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Here I am
Once again
I pour out my heart for I know that you hear
Every cry
You are listening
No matter what state
My heart is in
You are faithful
To answer
With words that are true and a hope that is real
As I feel
Your Touch
You bring a freedom to all that's within
In the safety of this place
I'm longing to
Pour out my heart
and say that I love You
Pour out my heart
and say that I need You
Pour out my heart
and say that I'm thankful
Pour out my heart
and say that You're wonderful

I have been doing homework all day, once again. It is so tiring and draining when I spend 10+ hours doing nothing but reading and responding and at 9pm still have so much to go. I breathed in maybe an hour total of fresh air today, otherwise I've been cooped up here in the apartment- all alone. So depressing. I am really really sick of school. Senioritis isn't helping matters at all. I still have so much left to do and study and present- it really feels like the days are dragging on and yet I don't get much done in them. One day I'll get to enjoy the beautiful sunny Southern California days. Until then...back to my cave of despair/homework.

HOUSEBOATS!!!

2008-03-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Every spring about this time I always start thinking and seriously missing houseboats. It's the time when you'd find out what team you'd be on (or not be on...) and you'd start counting down the days until Memorial Day when all of the Sonshine staff gets together for the first time and the summer is officially kicked off. I can't believe that it's been about 3 years since I was on the boats. Every now and then I will smell a smell (usually some form of sewer/raw sewage smell)that puts me right back on those boats. So many amazing memories with that ministry. I wish that I'd have kept in better touch with the dozen or so good friends that I made those summers. I guess I keep telling myself that God blessed me with those friendships for that season in my life, and He's blessed me with the friendships that I have now for this season, and after I graduate there hopefully will be people that will enter in for that season. I just wish sometimes that I was able somehow to carry some amazing people into multiple seasons of my life. People like Kira, Trisha, Shannon, Amber, Court, Cheree, Stacey, Ash, Maryann, I thought that I would remain friends forever with all of those girls, and I've lost touch with all of them (and if it weren't for Blogger, Maryann, I fear it'd be you too). Those ladies were there for me in and out of the Sonshine seasons, which is rare to find someone who talks to you much outside of the summer. Kira, Amber, Trish, Cheree, Ash and Court were especially close to me because of Katie's death October 2004. We struggled and cried together, comforted each other, wrote each other, visited each other, I honestly didn't think I'd lose touch with them. But, sadly, we have. I still think of Katie all the time and how much her life and her death impacted me.
But anyway...here's to Sonshine memories, and to Delta '04 and Shasta '05!!!

Spring Break

2008-03-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

Has been good thus far. Saturday I read 103 required pages of reading and then wrote the 7 page report on it (stayed up 'til 2am to finish it). I started off the break with a very productive bang. That has allowed me to feel a little less stressed, mainly because I feel like there is hope with getting a lot done, and also I don't feel as guilty about relaxing at times. Yesterday I ran some errands in the morning, got home did some more responses for my Child Development DS (which feels like its never going to end with 15 responses left to go and a 10 page research paper...ugh)and then I met my roomie for lunch at Kohl's. (I packed such a cute lunch!) She bought a pair of shoes for her up coming trip to Italy and after she headed back to work, I stayed at Kohl's looking for a skirt for graduation. It was so nice just wandering the store leisurely (not wanting to get home to do more responses) and was kind of weird not having to be anywhere at any particular time. Confession: I may have some form of shopping addiction. It's not good, seeing as I am a POOR college student and should not be spending ANY additional money over food and rent- and yet I continue to spend 40 here and 50 there...is there an S.A. anywhere??

I bought Enchanted yesterday and watched it with the roomie last night- lots of laughs in that movie! Love Patrick Dempsey's sarcasm! And Susan Sarandon's roles are funny-especially as the old woman. One of the best parts of the movie is when Geselle (Amy Adams) calls out the window in Manhattan for the animals to come and help her clean and the nastiest animals (like street rats, flies, pigeons, and these beetle/cockroach things) come scurrying/flying into the apartment and she is like "...It's always nice to make new friends..."

Anyway, I do hope that I continue to make great progress on my schoolwork. I only have 6 more days on break (including today). I really feel so much better when the weight of my load is lessened, even though, in reality it isn't because I have Senior Comp. again. I won't be studying another 100 hours for it this time, but I'm thinking maybe 50. Even still, that's two full weekends and a full week before. I have to get the things that are due during that time done now so that I can study (and PASS!!!) Senior Comp.

My birthday's in less than 3 weeks- that's weird to think about. Nothing planned. The roomie might take me to dinner at my favorite/best free birthday dinner deal place, Todai. She already bought me my birthday present (a sweet pair of Reef sandals) and seeing as she's pretty much the only friend I know in a hundred mile radius, I'm not seeing much else happening. Which I suppose is fine, I've had so many great birthdays in the past, now that I'm getting older, I guess the reality is that birthday's aren't really as big of a deal. I will miss celebrating with my family though. Families usually make you feel special on your birthday, like they're actually glad that I'm in their family.

I wasn't able to sleep in this morning- not sure why- maybe cause my allergies are pretty bad- sore and scratchy throat, and a runny and stuffy nose combined make it pretty hard to breathe, and thus sleep. And, since I have nothing planned today except for homework, I could take a nap at any point and it would be fine. It is hard to keep myself motivated throughout the day to buckle down and work on the vast amounts of homework. I'm kinda weirded out by the fact that in less than 2 months from now I'll be done. It still is far too surreal for me to celebrate though, mostly because of all of the papers/presentations/interviews/responses that I have to do.

Anywho, guess I'll stop talking about it, and get crackin' on it.

Hosanna in the Highest!

2008-03-16T19:15:00.001-07:00

We sang this song in church today- love it.

Hosanna= is the cry of praise or adoration shouted in recognition of the Messiahship of Jesus on his entry into Jerusalem

(old meaning=Save NOW)

and school drags on

2008-03-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

Blogging is something that I wish I did more often, but just like any other extracurricular activity, (journaling, facebooking, talking on the phone) I feel guilty when I am doing it instead of studying/reading/doing homework. It's even hard for me to not feel like I wasted time when I work out. Pathetic, I know, and honestly, I am so so so over school right now. It's not fun at all. The times that I do learn something does not outweigh the extremely monotonous, everyday busy work and forcing myself to sit down and do my homework. Sure, I know that these are the crunch days.(And are supposed to be the days that I cling to every glorious moment of being in college and not having to work my tail off at a job...But to me, they aren't.)I'm more than half way through my last semester of college and all I can think about is how I don't want to be doing homework after a long day of classes/chapel, but how I'd rather be watching a movie, reading a book for enjoyment, talking to a friend on the phone, writing a letter to my grandma, taking a walk in the beautiful sunny Southern California evening- the list could go on and on. Even Spring Break, starting after my Ethics class tomorrow isn't something I'm looking forward to because I know I need to be doing homework/papers/reading/reading responses/journals/presentation work/ and Directive Study classes the entire break. I am telling myself that maybe one or two days need to be relax days, but how would I not feel guilty with the load left to do?! I guess this blog is to remind me of the extreme difficulty of school, once I've graduated and am looking back all nostalgically on it. This is not fun!! Maybe it'd be more fun if I had friends- any friends at all that I went to school with and was struggling alongside, but I don't. Just like so many other times in my life, I am a loner. Do I bring that upon myself? Maybe. Probably. I was invited once this semester to go and study with a guy in my OT class, but I turned him down. (Granted, he has a girlfriend he is totally in love with and I started to feel like I was hanging out with him too much(getting too attatched), so my thought was to distance myself a bit)(Right decision? I dunno.) But going to school and living alone is hard. Sure, I have a great roomie- if I ever see her. I start to think about what life could be like after I graduate- work a 8 or 9 hour day, come home tired, kick back, watch a movie and fall asleep, just to wake up and do it again. I see myself living a sad, lonely life of solitude and I know this isn't what God intended for me. I have the desire to be married, but I don't even know any single guys. I guess I thought college would be a plethora of available, intelligent guys who love the Lord- and the hope was that ONE of those guys would notice/be interested in me. The only problem with this theory was that there weren't any that were or are interested in me- and it seems like 85% of the guys graduating this year did find a girl whom they were interested in. My hope/plan was obviously not in line with God's in that area.
Twenty pages of "Readings in Christian Ethics" along with 2 pages of responses await me, as does my English Literature Midterm Study Guide and most of the book of Isaiah. Where oh where will I find the motivation to keep going?! To persevere through the Senioritis that I am sickened with and that pile of books to read and papers to write?! I've turned to the Lord time and time again asking for HIS strength, and that's what's gotten me through thus far, but I'm physically drained and each day is the heavy task of continuing on. Trying hard to squint and see the light at the end of this tunnel that is so close, yet still seeming so far.

Bissell Doggie Daycare Commercial

2007-11-10T15:55:00.001-08:00

Senior Comp. Exam and other things with FA07

2007-11-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

Where to begin? It’s been a while since I last blogged. This semester has been one of the most challenging of all my college experience thus far, even without Biblical Hebrew. Bible majors at TMC are required to pass an ordination exam before they are granted their diplomas (well, we aren’t actually ordained, but we still have to pass the same exam that a pastor at Grace Community Church has to pass in order to become a pastor.) Now keep in mind, that as a woman, I will never be a pastor. I’ve never had a desire to be a pastor, and even if I did, I would not disregard what the Bible has to say about women being in Biblical authority over a man. So what I’d like to know (I guess from God) is why do I have to pass the exam on the same grading scale as a man who is pursuing the pastorate? This exam is cruel and unusual punishment for a person trying to obtain their B.A. in Bible. I am having serious doubts that I was even cut out for this. Anyway, I’ve studied for the past MONTH for this exam. No joke, I have spent every weekend, and didn’t go to classes the entire past week studying for this 3 hour comprehensive test. I have eaten, slept, and breathed Senior Comp. I have shed many-a-blood, sweat, and tear droplet over Senior Comp. I have prayed and pleaded with God like I’ve never prayed or pleaded before to pass this exam. And honestly, walking out of the exam after 2.5 hours of typing my brains out, I thought that there was hope. I could now see the speck of light at the end of the tunnel. I actually acknowledged the fact that the birds were chirping and the warm sun was still shining there at North Campus. My head felt lighter than it’s felt in weeks, and I was smiling because I thought there was a chance that I would be done with this exam and that I could look forward to graduation in just a few months. But then, as I was discussing the exam with my roommate who is also the same emphasis, I realized that I had answered one of the questions wrong. I didn’t read what the question had said correctly and I auto-piloted the answer out. That is when the knot in my stomach returned. Things seemed gloomy again. Sure enough, that is what I did, I bombed the test. There are MANY things wrong with this exam, the fact that the grading is completely subjective is probably the biggest problem, and I don’t think I could list all the messed up aspects about this exam, but I hate the fact that I could have gotten every other question 100% correct and if I mess up even ONE bold question’s answer, I FAIL. Now, in the past 2 hours since I realized my BIG mistake, I’ve tried to console myself, my roomie tried to console me, my roomie’s mom tried to comfort me and honestly, I think this will just take time for me to regain my brain strength, realize that the world is still spinning and magazine salesmen still try to sucker you into buying their crummy magazines to earn ‘points’ so that they can go on fun trips to Europe (or maybe just buy more pot) while I will get to study all over again for this horrendous exam, in hopes that I will pass so that I can actually graduate. I remind myself that God has used my failures in the past in miraculous ways, and this time is probably no different, and maybe I should be excited for the endurance that this test will build in me, but hindsight is 20/20, right now it’s pretty blurry and not really all that great. I really just want this day to be over. To be able to go to church again (I haven’t in like a month because I’ve studied for this blasted exam) and worship God, even when I’m hurting and life doesn’t really seem fair. To praise Him even in this storm is my desire. God is still sovereign, faithful, omnipresent, omnipotent and so much bigger than I am. He knows what He’s doing even if I don’t. I think mostly though, I am disappointed the most that I’ve spent over a hundred hours studying and I won’t even get credit for it. On the same token though, I prayed that no matter what the outcome of my exam, that God would be glorified. I gave my utmost for His highest, and I do pray that God is glorified somehow in that; my efforts. I am also really glad that Amanda got the emphasis question right. She is supposed to graduate in a month and if she were not to pass this, she would be more than devastated. It would mean that she makes $40 less per week because she wouldn’t have her diploma. If that were me, I would be more than upset at myself. But I have another semester, and another chance to get it right. To continue to remain faithful to God in prayer and persevere until the end will be the lesson that I will keep learning. And not just the end of college, but until the end of my physical life, or until Christ returns, whichever comes first. Oh well. *Sigh*
I think I’m going to go watch a movie and vedge. I can’t even remember the last movie I saw. I think it was probably Across the Universe back in September. Sad. But that’s how dedicated I’ve been. Too bad all of that dedication won’t pay off yet. Hopefully it will someday.

I miss my friends. And my family. I’ve seen only one of my friends since August. I miss the days when I felt like I was on the same page as everyone. When it seemed that the group of us all had similar beliefs; Things aren’t that way anymore. Sure, there have always been disagreements, but I know that we’ve all become more cemented in what we believe now. It will continue to be a battle regarding what the Truth is without seeming subjective. I know that this is the way the world is and as a Christian it will always be an apologetic battle for what is right in God’s eyes/ through our Biblical eyes.

Well, if there's anything that usually cheers me up, it is the commercial posted above. I laugh everytime.

2007-08-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

I kind of feel like a shmuck. I've been looking on the Master's Job posting board over the past several weeks, and a few weeks ago a job caught my eye. It was a "babysitting" job, (actually is a nannying/chauffer job) and they were offering $12/hr. I should've known from that that the job wasn't going to be a piece of cake. Especially since everyone else was offering $8/hr or $10/hr. But the family with the posting didn't say how many children they had or really any details on what was included. So, I contacted them through email this morning, since I have a week to find a job, and the mother of the family calls me about an hour later and asks me to tell her about myself and where I grew up, etc. and then proceeds to tell me about her family. She has 4 kids- a 13year old girl, two 7year old twins, a boy and a girl, and a 5year old girl who goes to the childcare center where my roommate works. She then continues to lay out the list of activities that I would be taking each child to each day and for the ones that don't have activities that day to help them with their homework. I would be using my small, compact car to shuttle these kids here and there everyday for like 3 hours a day. She says that there have been several other people interested in the job, but since I have had the most experience with kids she would like to hire me. I then give her my school schedule with Tuesday's knocked out because of a 3 hour class and she thought that maybe she could hire someone just for Tuesdays. At this point, I am hesitant of wanting the job anymore but she was trying to make it happen for me to work for them. She determines that this Tuesday would be best if I could come over at 8:30pm to meet the kids and husband and see if it would be a fit. I say "sure, I'll see you Tuesday" hang up, and start freaking out. I have a hard time saying no, so if I were to go on Tuesday and they were to want me, I would probably say yes and I do NOT want this job. It reminds me of when I first got my driver's license and my parents and most of my friends wanted rides everywhere. I felt like I was trapped behind the wheel. This would be similar if not a lot worse. My grandma brought up a good point that I would be responsible for toting around those 4 kids. Honestly, that is a lot of responsibility and I don't think I want it. I think I was expecting a lot more time just hanging out at their home, helping with homework and playing games. Not being a personal chauffer for hours upon hours.
So I just emailed the lady back and told her I was really sorry for having to cancel, because that is so not like me, but I needed to, and I wished them the best in hiring one of the other people that was interested. Hopefully she emails me back with a pleasant, "that is perfectly alright, dear", but that might be wishful thinking. I feel bad for leading them on, but honestly, I didn't know that that was the job and I don't want to be freaking out about this for 3 days just to turn them down later. Better to cut it off before they have to keep that time slot open just for me to be turning them down.
I only have one week left at the Y, and my director has already asked me to think about staying. I wish I would've told her that I would stay if I could get paid about $10.50/hr. But I didn't think of that when she was asking me. Honestly, just the afterschool program at the Y wouldn't be that bad. But when the pay is as bad as it is, I can't afford it. I'm debating keeping the job until I find something else first, and then leave because it really isn't smart to leave a job when there is nothing else lined up. Especially when there are bills to pay. But then again, my director is pretty much one of the rudest and not nice people that I have met, so I have many mixed emotions about this job and the money. There are only a handful of kids that I actually like that I would sort of miss, but I would get over it, and I'm definitely not staying just for them.
Sheesh.
Why does just about everything in life have to be so complicated?

I hopefully will be going down to Irvine tonight for a get together thingy at Megan's and then tomorrow be going to the beach to use my new Boogie board!! I lost Megs' address, so I'm waiting to hear from her about that before I'm 100% sure that I'm going down. I'm excited though!!

My Sister, Kaela, is 14

2007-07-24T15:07:00.001-07:00

Today is my little sister's 14th birthday. It's really hard to believe that she is fourteen. I mean, I know that I am getting a day older everytime she is, but it's harder to see changes in yourself than it is to see in others, especially kids. I was eight when she was born and not only was I a big sister to her, a lot of the time I felt like a second mom, especially when I started driving when she was almost 8. I was her personal chauffer for years, and I probably still would be had I not gone to college in 2005. I have so many good memories with my sister, and I hope that in the years to come we can reconnect and have even more great memories. Sure, we don't always get along, she can be a bratty teenager and I can be the goody-goody older, overbearing sister, but I truly love her and care about her and her future so much. I constantly pray for her to turn her life over to the Lord one day, she needs Him and the hope and unconditional love that only He can give. (I long to see her turn to Him more than anyone I currently know). She's going through a teenage rebellion stage right now and want to get just about every body part pierced that she can. Right now, she's begging my parents for the tongue. I will be so upset if they give in and let her with this one because they have spent so much money on her braces, and she will wind up chipping a tooth and have to spend a butt load of money to get her teeth repaired. Not to mention I think it just looks kind of trashy, and SHE'S ONLY FOURTEEN!!! I could see if she was 18 and wanted to do it, fine, your body, you pay for the consequences. I really hope that she has a change of mind. She really only wants to do it because a bunch of her other friends have gotten theirs pierced, and you know peer pressure, you have to do what everyone else does, or you're not cool. Stupid peer pressure. I'm sure I've given into peer pressure at some point in my life, but I never smoked or drank anything until I was the legal ages. (hence the goody-goody aspect).

Anywho.

Happy Birthday, Sis!

I love you to the moon and back.

3 months, huh?

2007-07-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

I had a feeling that I wouldn't do that great at upkeeping my blog, it was kind of just a place online where I'd journal for myself, but if I knew that people read my blog, I'd probably blog more. I guess I don't really know how to "blog" without it being more of a journal kind of thing.

It's hard to believe that summer is half-way over. Fall brings intense mixed emotions: fear, excitement, dread and joy, to name a few. I am finally a Senior. Sure, it took four years of many twists and turns, trials and tribulations, but I made it here/God brought me through thus-far, and it's kind of hard to believe. I look back to my high school graduation, thinking I was going to Humboldt State to be a Marine Biologist, and now here I am in the middle of Southern California going to a private Christian school to get a Christian Education degree to work with kids. A couple of majors and a few schools later, the time has just about come, and this chapter of my life is near over. Unfortunately, I am scared out of my mind that I won't pass the Senior Competency exam that Master's requires us to pass in order to graduate. Basically, it is a mini-ordination exam, and it's times like this that I start to wonder if I picked the right major. I know some about the Bible, the basics, maybe a bit more, but people can study it for their whole lives and still not know so much! Not to mention the compter literacy exam and math class that I have to pass. My dad constantly reminds me of how proud he is of me and that I will be the first college graduate on his side of the family. Will he be as proud if I don't graduate? The statement doesn't end with just how proud he is of me- it's the degree that seals the deal for him. Now, I'm sure that's not true, it's just one of the added pressures the semester holds and an added relief I will feel once I graduate. I, mostly, will be proud of myself for trusting in God's provision and faithfulness through something that many thought wasn't right for me. Sure, I thought that many, many times also, when from lack of sleep the night before reading and cramming I would fall asleep reading or cramming for the next due date. Or when I wanted to drop out because I would study so hard and only pull off a C or C-. To be able to look back and see how much I persevered through so many tough classes and exams will be the biggest sense of accomplishment of my life. I just pray that God does have that in store for me because I long for it so much.

I cannot wait to go back here- Pinecrest Lake. Amanda's family has a huge cabin on the lake and it was a blast last year- hiking, canoeing, tanning, swimming, playing board games with everyone each night and overall just chill-axing. It's just about the only thing I've been looking forward to this summer and it's what's pulled me through working at the Y.

The extended Witbeck/Brown/Kampsnider/Anderson family on my great-grandma's 90th birthday.

Four generations.

My new dwarf hamster, Pudge.

Gunman kills 32

2007-04-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

Gunman kills 32 in Virginia Tech rampage
By SUE LINDSEY, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 32 minutes ago
BLACKSBURG, Va. - A gunman massacred 32 people at Virginia Tech in the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history Monday, cutting down his victims in two attacks two hours and a half-mile apart before the university could figure out what was going on and get the warning out to students.
The bloodbath ended with the gunman committing suicide, bringing the death toll to 33 and stamping the campus in the picturesque Blue Ridge Mountains with tragedy, perhaps forever.
"I'm really at a loss for words to explain or understand the carnage that has visited our campus," Virginia Tech President Charles Steger said.
He was also faced with difficult questions about the university's handling of the emergency and whether it did enough to warn students and protect them after the first burst of gunfire.
Investigators offered no motive for the attack. The gunman's name was not immediately released, and it was not known if he was a student.
Wielding two pistols, the gunman opened fire about 7:15 a.m. at West Ambler Johnston, a coed dormitory, then stormed Norris Hall, a classroom building on the other side of the 2,600-acre campus, chaining the doors behind him to keep anyone from escaping.
Two people died in a dorm room, and 31 others were killed in Norris Hall, including the gunman, who put a bullet in his head. At least 26 people were hurt, some seriously.
Students jumped from windows in panic. Young people and faculty members carried out some of the wounded themselves, without waiting for ambulances to arrive. Many found themselves trapped behind the chained and padlocked doors. SWAT team members with helmets, flak jackets and assault rifles swarmed over the campus. A student used his cell-phone camera to record the sound of bullets echoing through a stone building.
Trey Perkins, who was sitting in a German class in Norris Hall, told The Washington Post that the gunman barged into the room at about 9:50 a.m. and opened fire for about a minute and a half, squeezing off 30 shots in all.
The gunman, Perkins said, first shot the professor in the head and then fired on the students. Perkins said the gunman was about 19 years old and had a "very serious but very calm look on his face."
"Everyone hit the floor at that moment," said Perkins, 20, of Yorktown, Va., a sophomore studying mechanical engineering. "And the shots seemed like it lasted forever."
Students bitterly complained that there were no public-address announcements on campus after the first shots. Many said the first word from the university was an e-mail more than two hours into the rampage — around the time the gunman struck again.
"I think the university has blood on their hands because of their lack of action after the first incident," said Billy Bason, 18, who lives on the seventh floor of the dorm.
"If you had apprehended a suspect, I could understand having classes even after two of your students have perished. But when you don't have a suspect in a college environment and to put the students in a situation where they're congregated in large numbers in open buildings, that's unacceptable to me."
Steger defended the university's handling of the tragedy, saying authorities believed that the shooting at the dorm was a domestic dispute and mistakenly thought the gunman had fled the campus.
"We had no reason to suspect any other incident was going to occur," he said.
Steger emphasized that the university closed off the dorm after the first attack and decided to rely on e-mail and other electronic means to notify members of the university, but with 11,000 people driving onto campus first thing in the morning, it was difficult to get the word out. He said that before the e-mail went out, the university began telephoning resident advisers in the dorms to notify them and sent people to knock on doors to spread the word. Students were warned to stay inside and away from the windows.
"We can only make decisions based on the information you had at the time. You don't have hours to reflect on it," Steger said. He called the massacre a tragedy of "monumental proportions."
A law enforcement official, speaking on condition of anonymity because the investigation was incomplete, said that the gunman had two pistols and multiple clips of ammunition.
Some students and Laura Wedin, a student programs manager at Virginia Tech, said the first notification they got of the shootings came in an e-mail at 9:26 a.m., more than two hours after the first shooting.
The e-mail had few details. It read: "A shooting incident occurred at West Amber Johnston earlier this morning. Police are on the scene and are investigating." The message warned students to be cautious and contact police about anything suspicious.
Everett Good, junior, said of the lack of warning: "Someone's head is definitely going to roll over that."
Edmund Henneke, associate dean of engineering, said he was in the classroom building and he and colleagues had just read the e-mail advisory regarding the first shooting and were discussing it when he heard gunfire. He said moments later SWAT team members rushed them downstairs, but the doors were chained and padlocked from the inside. They left the building through a construction area that had not been locked.
Until Monday, the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history was in Killeen, Texas, in 1991, when George Hennard plowed his pickup truck into a Luby's Cafeteria and shot 23 people to death, then himself.
The massacre Monday took place almost eight years to the day after the Columbine High bloodbath near Littleton, Colo. On April 20, 1999, two teenagers killed 12 fellow students and a teacher before taking their own lives.
Previously, the deadliest campus shooting in U.S. history was a rampage that took place in 1966 at the University of Texas at Austin, where Charles Whitman climbed the clock tower and opened fire with a rifle from the 28th-floor observation deck. He killed 16 people before he was shot to death by police.
Founded in 1872, Virginia Tech is nestled in southwestern Virginia, about 160 miles west of Richmond. With more than 25,000 full-time students, it has the state's largest full-time student population. The school is best known for its engineering school and its powerhouse Hokies football team.
The rampage took place on a brisk spring day, with snow flurries swirling around the campus. The campus is centered around the Drill Field, a grassy field where military cadets — who now represent a fraction of the student body — practice. The dorm and the classroom building are on opposites sides of the Drill Field.
A White House spokesman said President Bush was horrified by the rampage and offered his prayers to the victims and the people of Virginia. "The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed," spokeswoman Dana Perino said
After the shootings, all entrances to the campus were closed, and classes were canceled through Tuesday. The university set up a meeting place for families to reunite with their children. It also made counselors available and planned an assembly for Tuesday at the basketball arena.
It was second time in less than a year that the campus was closed because of a shooting.
Last August, the opening day of classes was canceled and the campus closed when an escaped jail inmate allegedly killed a hospital guard off campus and fled to the Tech area. A sheriff's deputy involved in the manhunt was killed on a trail just off campus. The accused gunman, William Morva, faces capital murder charges.

If you're a homocidal criminal, I really don't think that you are going to be following any gun laws that "must be followed". They obviously don't give a rip about laws, hence why they consider killing people and then actually kill people. But honestly, and sadly, stricter gun laws wouldn't stop a homocidal criminal from going on a shooting rampage either. They would get the gun somehow, sure it might cost him a bit more, but there would be ways if he was dead set on killing a bunch of people.

Oh, Lord, be with those families who have lost loved ones this morning in such a tragic way. Be with those families across the nation and the world who have lost loved ones due to other very tragic means today, and everyday this year. Car accidents, homocide, starvation, malnutrition, heartattacks, choking, cancer, diseases the list could go on and on. This world really is in a bad state, and it'll only be getting worse, is the sickening thing. I know that you have it all planned out God, You're in complete control, and You are sovereign, even in death because YOU conquered death. You give us these body-numbing tragedies to test us and grow us, to ultimately have YOUR name be glorified. It really seems to suck now though.

Twenty-two

2007-04-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

22.

I turned 22 on Sunday, April 8th, 2007. It was a very strange/unusual birthday in that I only had my immediate family (minus my dad) and my best friend with me, none of my good friends at all were there. In fact, I celebrated with strangers who didn't even know that it was my birthday. 'Manda says that we will have a party with balloons and drinks and my favorite cake and good music at our new apartment soon. I think it should be a house warming party with those things. I had my birthday, I had two cakes with a giant "2" candle in each, got a bunch of movies and money (so great) and I got several phone calls, which is always nice. :)

I feel old. And if I feel old at 22, I can only imagine what it's like at 32 and 42 and 52 and 62 and 72...

Oh crazy, strange, ever-changing life.

I'm going to an interview at the YMCA at 4pm-
I really need this job. I know God is faithful- He has definitely shown me that in the past week. He provides for me so often and I don't give him enough thanks for it.

THANKS GOD!!!

the saying "cheaters never prosper" is true

2007-04-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

I got caught "cheating". I feel like I have lost all credibility as a Christian, as an older sister, as a daughter, granddaughter, friend. I feel lower than the scum of the earth. I honestly am so remorseful and ashamed. I have let so many people down and destroyed my integrity all because I wanted to be able to pass Hebrew to be able to continue in my major to graduate with my B.A. in Christian Education and Youth Ministry. But now, I don't even know why. Let alone I may not be able to. Worst case scenarios are usually thought of in these kinds of times and here's what I've come up with: I will be expelled from Master's- meaning I will never be able to return, and I will get a full time job at the Boys and Girl's club making $10 an hour (which is probably what I will be making even with a degree...) so that aspect wouldn't be all that bad except for the reputation of being a cheater and having little to no integrity with a bunch of people here at Master's. It would suck, but really, it will not be the end of the world. The part that I don't know how would work is would they let me continue in the rest of my classes for the semester? Will they make me move off campus immediately? I guess if that happens Monday then I can move my stuff into our apartment and just live there, working full time most likely at the Boys and Girls club. So the worst case scenario is not completely terrible. It definitely could be worse. I could have to move back into my mom's, packing all my stuff up and having to drive 400 miles and being so ashamed, embarrased and a dissapointment to my non-believing family. But we have the apartment starting this Saturday and my verdict is determined on Monday.
Here's the scoop of what happened: We took Hebrew exam #2 on Monday. I have an incredibly difficult time translating Hebrew- mostly because I have not put as much effort as I need to in memorizing vocabulary. And the exam is 80% translating. So what I did was figure out a few words and realize what passage in Genesis we were translating and from memory I wrote out the passage. I of course was way off. We then get handed back the exams on Wednesday (yesterday) to go over what we missed and correct the translations ourselves. I had some things right, but others were just fluff that I had inclueded and so I erased those fluff things and left the core (the right answers) which I mostly had with some corrections in red ink. To my dismay, and what I didn't realize was that they had copied the exam before handing them back to us to correct on Wednesday. So I got a call this afternoon at about 1:45pm from the Bible Department Secretary, Jenny Allen. She asks me on behalf of Dr. Boyd to come down to the office as soon as possible. So I go right then. I had a feeling that I was going to be called on something on the exam, but I wasn't completely sure what. I knew that I should've just crossed out what I'd had in red and corrected everything in red, but I hadn't done that on the first exam and everything seemed to be fine, so I wasn't sure what I was needing to be talked to about. I go into Dr. Boyd's office, he tells me to take a seat, and asks me immediately "Is there anything you want to tell me about this exam?" I told him that actually, when he was reviewing the translation he was correcting it very fast and it was incredibly difficult for me to make appropriate corrections. But he said that that wasn't what he was talking about. He said, "did you realize that we Xerox the exams before handing them back to you to correct?" I said no. He said "because there is a considerable amount of changed answers on your exam." (Me: Gulp/crap/oh no.) At the same time, I was still in the mindframe that this wasn't wrong/cheating. I had done similar corrections on the first exam and I wasn't told that I was wrong in doing that, and honestly I didn't think it was wrong. I thought that is why he didn't correct me the first time/ point out to me that that was not right and I couldn't do that. He tells me that he was giving me the "benefit of the doubt" but that does not help me! If I do something wrong, I need to know so that I don't do it again. So he said that he would have to write up a report on me cheating (even though I really wasn't) and that I would have to figure out a time to meet with Dr. Halstead (the department chair and my advisor) and him. So I sobbingly ask Jenny for Dr. Halstead's schedule (not quite sure why I did that because he posts his available times on his office door) and so I went to his door and the first available time he had was 4:30pm. So I turn to Dr. Boyd who was in the hall and I ask him if that time would be alright. He doesn't give me an exact answer but says, ummm, yeah, that might work. So I signed my name and left. Dr. Boyd was knocking on my Theology prof's door with what looked like my exam in his hand, and when Thorsell opened his door and gave Boyd a warm welcome, Boyd didn't say a word and just walked in and closed the door behind him. Maybe I was just paranoid at that point, but I thought that Boyd was going to be telling all my professors that I am a cheater and to watch out for me.

Anyway-

Today is Wednesday and the meeting Monday went amazingly well, I explained the situation to Halstead, and down-to-earth guy that he is, let me off of the hook almost completely. He knew that I'd learned my lesson, and he prayed afterward and thanked God for wiping the slate clean. He even told Boyd that he needed to give me some credit for my exam.
I was ecstatic. I hardly ever get shown mercy/ grace, but I definitely was in this situation and I am so thankful to God for softening Halstead's heart (and sorta Boyd's too) and I am so grateful for all of the people that were praying for me. It's still up in the air if I will be passing Hebrew, but at least this way I can give it my best shot for the rest of the semester and have a clean record, and hopefully be graduating in a year. This incident has definitely made me trust in God more for his provisions and his plan. I was scared the whole weekend, with lots of crying- (yeah, my birthday weekend and Easter weekend) but Amanda kept telling me that it would be alright, and as usual, she was right.

Praise God!!!

things go wrong. but God is still good.

2007-03-30T16:54:00.000-07:00

Why do things keep going wrong today? I mean, I guess the majority of things haven't went wrong, but within the past 10 hours I feel kinda twighlight zone-ish. This morning, woke up on time, got to Biblical Counseling on time and got a seat in chapel. Laney gave his message, and then it was time for Hebrew. Hebrew went alright, other than the fact that Boyd's laptop broke and so he gave us a handout with a whole bunch of verbs that he wanted us individually to parse in front of the class. Now, I am terrible at Hebrew, and you can only imagine that if I hate public speaking in general, how much more I do not like trying to work out a problem verbally in a class where I really have no idea what I'm doing. It was a stressful class to say the least. Went to lunch, it was actually a great lunch. No awkward conflicts, no bitterness, no fighting, only good food and good company. And, I didn't spill anything on myself like I had yesterday! Now keep in mind that I have been nervous since the moment I woke up for my interview at the Boys and Girls club, @1pm. Sitting in Hebrew my stomach was churning in anxiety (and cramping due to finally PMSing after 7 months of not...but that's another story...) and I just wanted to get that interview over with. I kept trying to not make it so intense in my mind by saying that it isn't for a super professional job, I will just be telling them the basics, the truth about myself- piece of cake. But the time came for the interview and I was not buying the piece of cake deal anymore. I hate interviews. I hate having to boast about my strengths and weaknesses and make up random junk about goals and motivations. Sure, there are a lot worse things in life than interviews (like Hebrew exams- actually make that just Hebrew in general) but interviews in my experience are not fun. So the interview went so-so, I am not completely sure that I will be offered a position, but God has lead me here thus far and He will continue to lead me according to what He wants, and what He knows is best for me, despite what I want and think I need.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
(I just lost a big chunk of what I had written about things breaking and the problem situation with Amanda and Kaitlyn...of course I did.)
(now I guess I will rewrite the whole scenario that was at least the same amount that is above, if not more) (this just illustrates my point more...)
So I left the Boys and Girls club and drove back to campus. I needed to retake my NTS2 midterm, so I decided that I would just park in a visitor spot at north campus, seeing as it was Friday, the parking lot was practically empty and there were 2/3 visitor spots available. I thought- how will they know I'm not a visitor? (I'd forgotten about the sticker that is on my front windshield saying that I am a resident). And technically, I am a parking visitor because residents aren't supposed to park anywhere except for the resident lots. I thought I was good to go and didn't think twice. So I was sitting in front of the Biblical Counseling Department on a bench studying my notes before going in and taking the exam. I look up and see a Security Guard walking away from my car with a stack of parking tickets in his hand. I'm like, oh no, he better not have given me a ticket... so I walk over to my car and sure enough, there was a ticket. As I was briskly walking to my car I was thinking, maybe he didn't give me a ticket, maybe he was walking away from another car... but as I got closer to my car I discovered the ticket under my windshield. So I grab the ticket and decide that I should just leave because now I've been humiliated in front of a whole group of people who saw the guard distribute the ticket and then me walk up practically right behind him and snatch it off- so I left. I parked in front of the dorm, called Amanda and I started majorly crying. I was so angry. She calmed me down a bit, and told me to go inside and wash my face, cool off and then go take the exam. So I did, and then I headed off for north campus. On my way down, I stopped at the Guard shack to try and fight the ticket. It was the guy who gave me the ticket, and he said that I was in violation of the code and there was nothing he could do. Butthead. Why is it that at Christian schools so many people get shown grace in classes and with other campus matters, but when it comes to me- nothing. No grace. It's not fair- but I guess that's life. So I walked away from the guard shack, crumpling the ticket in my hand as I did, and walked 10+ minutes to North Campus and took the exam. After the exam I went and paid the parking ticket. I just faced the facts that I would have suffer the consequences of my decisions, and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated flushing my very limited amount of money down the toilet for a bad choice, but there wasn't really any other option. I talked to my grandma for a while when I got back up to the dorm, and told her about my day, and she said that she'd sent me a letter with $40 in it yesterday, so I will be $20 up on Monday! That was pretty cool how God showed me favor once again from a not so good situation. Then the freezer door broke. Then a file that I had just opened wouldn't open again.

It's been a long day.

Thank the Lord that Amanda and Kaitlyn worked out with our R.A. the situation that had been going on for a while now, and we were able to go down to SunValley and have a very good Mexican dinner and BobaTea dessert. Shockingly my stomach is still doing great after the food/drink! I have gotten sick after just about every meal this past week and it is getting old- I was almost positive that I'd get sick from eating these foods. Praise God I haven't!
Amanda and Kaitlyn left for the movie store about 45 minutes ago...which seems like kind of a long time to rent one movie, but anyway, I am done with this journal and I want to go to bed. Long day. Wasn't that terrible, but wasn't all that great.
God is still good. :)

saddened

2007-03-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

Today's chapel was many things, but first and foremost, it was heartbreaking. The speaker, Doug Nichols, the Director of Action International Ministries gave us dozens of statistics about the numbers of children that die everyday due to various reasons, and the numbers of children sold into slavery, prostitution, trafficking, and numbers of street-kids, orphans, etc. that are in the world today. He gave us other heartwrenching stats on the number of people that die from AIDS, starvation, neglect, disease, etc. every month and then annually. I sat there, tears welling up in my eyes as he continued to speak of the desparate need the world is in for food, clothes, but most of all care, hope, love, compassion and Jesus. I just sat there, feeling so helpless, so depressed that the world is like this, and here I sit, going to a $28,000/year college learning such trivial things as Hebrew and New Testament. I really felt like I was wasting the time and energy and salvation that God has given me by going to college and doing nothing for the world.
He had told a story about how a country in Africa, I think it was Malawi, was hosting a children's daycamp where the kids would be fed 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, had Bible teaching, an outfit to wear, etc. and so the director of the camp went around to all of these different tribal chiefs telling them that they could send 30 or so from their tribe to the camp. On the first day of the camp, over 5,000 kids showed up, some hiking there for 3 days to be able to be taken care of, have security and food, and over 4,000 had to be turned away because the camp only had enough funding for 600 kids. So sad. But what is even more sad is that the cost for a kid to be able to attend the camp for a week is only $4. FOUR DOLLARS! Here in America, a cup of coffee at Starbucks costs more than that. It just made me think, how blind we are, sometimes intentionally, to the needs of people throughout the world that have so much less than us. My tuition money could have put 7,000 kids through that daycamp for a week.
My next reaction was that I became angry. Angry that so many Christians today hear this type of message and just continue to sit on their butts. I felt sick that I am most likely one of those Christians. My heart breaks, and I have so much compassion for the world that God's heart breaks over, that I want to get out there and do something about it, and yet, I have to go to a Hebrew class and sit and absorb more useless knowledge. And then after I graduate from college, I have to get a job that barely pays the bills so that I can sit on my butt some more and still not be doing anything. It just seems like an endless cycle of a pointless, arbitrary life. And I hate it. When the sermon/ speech/ statistic/guilt-fest session was over, I was outraged when one of my friends sitting with us said "that was good." Honestly, I wanted to slap her. My response was -Really? that was uplifting and all happy fluffies for you? Are you going to actually do something about what you just heard? No, you won't. You'll forget about it by tonight and carry on like you'd never heard it, adding it to a "that was a good sermon" list. I could see a comment like "wow, that was powerful, moving, convicting, intense- ANY ADJECTIVE but "good."!!! So, anger turned to furiousness, and then it turned to despair and depression again, wondering- what can I do? Here I am, a Christian in Southern California, with thousands of dollars in student loans to go to college and only a couple of hundred dollars in my bank account that has to last me several more months. I talked to my roommate about it on the way to class, and she reminded me that I can only do what God has given me to do. God has placed me here as a student for a reason and a purpose at this point in time and I need to be content/satisfied and thankful for that. I shouldn't be cursing the fact that I'm a college student, I should be greatful for it. The message didn't really give much application for us individually, as college students, now. In regards to my money situation and not being able to give much, if any at all right now- Amanda reassured me that God knows my situation and He's not going to hold it against me if I have a bit of money for the next few months. I don't have a source of income and so I am being as good of a steward with my money as I can right now.
I am glad I am in the major I am in. I think it is so important to reach out to kids while they are young and bring them up in the Lord. Maybe one day I will get the chance to go to Africa, or a country that so desparately needs love and compassion for its people, that needs food and clean water, that so desparately needs Jesus. Until then, prayer is so important and I can do that. :)

mercyme

2007-03-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been really into MercyMe. They just paint such an awesome picture of God's glory in my mind with their lyrics. Here's the lyrics to one of my current favorite songs of theirs, and the reason I titled my blog after the album:

MercyMe
Almost There
Song: On My Way to You

Almost there,
almost where I'm supposed to be
It's not all clear, but you keep showing me
With every step, the more my heart moves to your beat
Just like where I'm headed, there's joy in the journey
Teach me to think like you think
Show me the things that are true [ohh]
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you
Create in me a pure heart and make me new
Less of me, Jesus more of you
Here I stand, still I'm drawn down to my knees
It's not my strength, but Your's that carries me
Teach me to think like to you think
Show me the things that are true
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you
Yes I'm on my way to you
Teach me to think like to you think
Show me the things that are true
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you
Yes I'm on my way to you
I'm on my way [3x]
I'm on my way to you

blogging again? maybe.

2007-03-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

So, over the past few years, I've become increasingly bad at taking the time to journal. It is something that I really enjoy doing, it just winds up taking a lot of precious homework/reading time that a college student at The Master's College (and probably any college/university) desperately needs. I will randomly journal a page or two here or there in my hard-copy journal, but it's become more and more sparce that I do that too. I miss journalling. A while ago, I'd started a Blogger account, but after a week of blogging, it was causing more drama than it was worth, and so I deleted everything. But I think I'm back. I don't really know for how long, but I'd like it to be for a long time. Tomorrow's my last day of Spring Break, and while I haven't done too much in the way of studying or required reading, I felt like it was a very restful and fun Spring Break. Last Friday I had such high hopes and expectations for the week, that I'd get all of my papers written, I'd study a lot for my New Testament midterm on Monday, I'd finish all the books I need to read within the next couple of weeks, it'd be great. I did kind of know that I think I was setting too high of goals for just one week, and sure enough, they were. But ya know what, I think that the week turned out as I really, deep down, wanted it to. I got to see Brant, the King family, and Debra (she's on her way over now) not to mention I got to spend a lot of my time with my family, especially my sister. I was worried she was going to be gone for most of the week at friends' houses, but she came home everyday after school, and a couple of evenings we played Xbox together, which I loved. I tend to always favor relationships with people over schoolwork, which I have tried really hard not to do this past semester, but I gave in with Spring break. Sure, it will bite me in the butt in the coming weeks, I'll have to work extra hard to catch up and stay on top, continuing to barely keep afloat this semester, but I know that stuff will get done. I'll have to rely on God's strength and power, but that's when I show his glory through myself the best. 2 Cor. 12:9